"Not A Day Goes By That I Dont Think Of You...."

".......got a memory of you, that i carry in my soul" ......
from "Not a Day Goes By" sung by Lonestar

yes i still do think of HIM all the time even though i am so mad and really cant stand him right now. it is just unbelievable to me how he could be even more of a piece of s**t then i thought he was before, that isnt even calling me back. and then in the back of mind there is something saying what if something is wrong, what if he isnt okay and he cant call me back. and the thing is that it really upsets me to think that there might be something wrong. i still care. aauuugghh i dont want to care. cause it is so obvious through all of this, that he doesnt give two you know whats about me, so why do i still care about him? i dont know. i wish it was just like a switch that i could turn off because i would, i dont want to care anymore. i just want to be able to care the same way about him that he does for me. that is all. it is just so hard but if this is it, i can start getting over it. if he isnt going to call me, i just wish that he would never call me again. because this not calling me for a long time, and then calling me, and telling me all these things, and then not calling me, this is killing me. i cant handle all of this anymore.

well luckily with the husband and the job thing it seems that there wasnt an issue there, and the whole thing somehow got escalated for nothing. so as of now, everything seems okay with that, he is still employed with one job that isnt really cutting it for the bills or anything but it is better then nothing. but now, he said that they are going to be giving him some day shifts and night shifts, they had asked him if they could and he said yes. and he said that when he should get the second job that they said that they could always switch him back to just nights. but he was excited because it means that he will be able to spend more time with me, instead of him being at work when i get home. i just cant bring myself to be happy about this. i am happiest when i dont see him, or dont speak to him. because then we cant argue, he doesnt upset me make me cry or get depressed, and i dont have to worry about hearing his mouth about what i am doing. i can do whatever i want, i can talk on the phone and have a private conversation without hearing his mouth in my conversation, be on the computer, etc. you get the picture. so we will see how all of this works out. i really hope that he doesnt annoy me that badly. geez. there goes my private time to myself at night.

about the job thing, i went for the interview today. they said that if i get fired it would be for about fifty cents or a dollar more then what i am making now, but they offer the same things that i have now like insurance pto vacation time etc. so that is good. and they are closer to my home so less travel time. basically now it is just a wait and see thing, she said that i was definetly going to be a candidate for the position, so at least i know that i have a shot. that is good. i hope that i get it. not only was i an hour and 45 minutes late to work today, hopefully they wont make a big deal out of that. but also they are now starting to get on me about something else to regarding what time that i am logging out. so this is not good. like i didnt have enough problems they have to mess with me about something else. i guess that we will see what happens with everything that i have pending now.