Men Suck

most men suck. some men really really suck. i just really dont understand men. what was the point of him (the guy) saying i love you (especially being that he had started that conversation and was always the one who said it first) when i dont think that he does. at least he isnt acting like that. (the last time that i spoke with him was sat night when i left at about 1:30am, and he said that he would contact me at some point the next day (which was sunday). and i havent heard from him since, and i am not going to be contacting him, that is it, let him contact me like he said that he would. i refuse to contact him now, that is it. i am not going to chase him down, i dont need him. my life was okay without him, and it will be the same way without him, the same way that it was when he dumped me, i survived, and i would survive again if it happened again. not that i think that will happen, it is just weird how he does. he says one thing and then doesnt do it. and for him to say i love you, it wasnt like i could say that he was trying to say it because he wanted something out of me, cause he was already getting that, or that he was drunk or on drugs because he doesnt do that. unless he really feels that way, i dont know. i know that if i really loved someone, i would want to at least talk to them once a day to make sure that they are okay and everything. and because i would like talking to them. who knows. i have been thinking a lot today about the fact that i have now officially changed my phone number and have no access to that other number, and that anyone who had that number that i didnt give the new number to, which is a lot of people, now have no way of talking to me. like HIM, who i havent heard from since the beginning of july, so obviously considering that he was able to contact me for 5 months and just didnt, it isnt that he really wants to contact me but still. i am not going to give him my new number, so he will have no way of reaching me, unless somewhere he has my email address, which hasnt changed. but the chance of him remembering it or having it still are slim. for some reason i have just been thinking a lot about him for the past few days, i guess because of the number change and probably the holidays too. amazingly enough, my husband actually came through on the money that he said that he was going to give me for the rent and also the $300 from last month for the rent that i had to pay. he did all that today with his paycheck, saved like a 100 for himself and gave the rest to me, which was good. even though he didnt keep to exactly what he said about signing over his check to me, at least he still did what he said that he was going to do. of course that $300 is going right to presents, food, and things for christmas which is good because i really needed it. i didnt get to cancel my appointment for the procedure that i have to get done today, but i will try to cancel it tomorrow, considering that it is friday, i need to get it cancelled soon. i have made up my mind and that is it, i am not going to have it done this month, i am going to reschedule for sometime next month. and that is that. i dont want to deal with it in any way this month, i have way to much going on.