Christmas Eve

well, i did go out last night with the girls, i went out with the one that is about my age, and the other one that made the comment about the way that i was going to dress and the miniskirt that i said something about. surprise, surprise, i found out last night that she is exactly my mothers age so maybe that is why she made that comment. but anyway, we had a really nice time, the three of us went out for dinner first, and were talking there for a while, and having fun, then the older one went home, and the one that is about my age (who i had picked up at her house) went with me to a billiards place (where i had one guy watching my butt the whole time that i was walking near him, and another guy that was trying to talk to me, but i really just wasnt interested so basically ignored him---which was a good feeling though, i felt like at least some guys find me attractive anyway, and they werent bad looking either) and we were shooting pool and talking there for at least 2 hours. and we had a lot of fun, which was nice, we get along well. we were talking on the way to her house, and making plans to do it again, we were talking about in 2 weeks on a sat night again because that would be right after we got paid again. i didnt realize though that would be the day after i would have had that procedure/test done, so i dont know about that yet. i didnt remember before, i do want to do it though so hopefully i wont be feeling that bad. then on that sunday i have a birthday party that i am supposed to be going to for one of my old friends daughter. so i dont know about that either. i hope that i am feeling okay, and that it doesnt make me not want to go anywhere because of how i would feel. making homemade candy yesterday, which took me so long, it actually took me like three and a half hours but it came out so good, i did it in six different flavors and colors. so that was nice. then today i spent about 6 hours making homemade cookies and snack bars, total i made six different kinds, so that was basically my whole day. and now i am taking a break from wrapping the tons of presents that i had bought for everyone, ok, not really everyone, just mostly the kids. so i am taking a break from it now, and my husband took over now. let him to do some, that is good. being that he didnt do any of the shopping that i did, let him take a turn. the guy is really upsetting me. i shouldnt even say that he is upsetting me, he is just making me more and more to the point of writing him and wanting to be done with him. because not only did he not contact me on friday like he said that he would, but he didnt contact me yesterday or today either. if he doesnt contact me tomorrow for christmas, then i am really going to want to be done with him and be trying to write him off in my mind. because that would be horrible if he didnt. the feeling that i am getting though is that he wants to be done with me and just doesnt want to say it, because what other explanation could there be for this and the way that he is acting, or his basic ignoring of me, and not contacting me. if he really missed me like he had said, i would think that he would try to find some way to contact me. lets see what happens tomorrow, because if he doesnt contact me in someway tomorrow, that is like the worst thing that i can think that he would do right now, to me that is him definetly trying to tell me something. my husband has been nicer and nicer to me lately, something that is making me more and more weirded out about it too, because it is very much unlike him. but at least it is nice for the holiday, for him not to have a major attitude or be grumpy. i have been thinking about it more and more lately, and at least for right now, being with him isnt that bad at the moment. he actually jumped on me last night when i got home from being out, which was weird, started it, initiated it, finished it. you get the picture, weird. that is so unlike him, and then when i was going out i asked him how i looked, and he said good, too good. i was like wow, that is so unlike him to give me a compliment. so anyway, at least being with him at the moment isnt that bad. and stupid as this may seem or be, i have actually been giving serious consideration that if i can and am given an okay, or am okay enough too, i am thinking when i get the results back of having a baby with him. that is of course if there is nothing going on with this guy, which at the rate that it is going, it doesnt seem like there will be. it is something i am thinking of, i guess because i so desperatly want another baby, and with all of this going i am scared that i may not be able to have one. so its like i hear that supposed biological clock ticking in my head. and it is telling me that i really need to hurry up. but i really dont know what is going to go on with this testing and everything, so i guess that i will have to wait and see.