The First Cut

how i long to make that first cut,
to feel that relief that i so long for,
the urge is so strong.
to feel the cold metal on my skin,
would calm the urge that i feel,
and make it go away.
the only thing problem is that it would only be temporary,
because the depression will probably still be there,
and the urge will return.
and the guilt would be there after,
due to knowing that it isnt a good thing,
but it is so hard to resist.
i want to feel the pain,
and see the red that follows,
and have the sense of relief wash over me.
to just be able to forget about my problems,
for that brief moment in time,
would be wonderful.
the pain would be such a welcome distraction,
and satisfy the urge that i feel so strongly.