Bad Things Can Happen To Good People

that is unfortunately a statement that is very true. i just got more information about the procedure that i will have to have done if the one that i rescheduled to have done in the beginning of january is bad. and it is a very bad and scary procedure, if i have to have it done, i am going to be really upset. i am really upset and worked up about it right now just thinking that there is a 50/50 chance that i am going to have it done. it is called a cone biopsy and some of the great things about it is that it has to be done in a hospital, you will probably have to stay overnight or at least stay there all day, they put you under general anesthesia, sexual intercourse should be avoided for 3 weeks (the other information that i was looking at said 4-6 weeks, thats even freaking better), cause good luck explaining that one to this guy. i havent mentioned anything to him about my issue/issues or what is going on, but i will definetly have to freaking tell him really soon i guess. especially being that i am having the first testing done at the beginning of next month. (by the way, he texted me right after i typed all that out the last night that i blogged, and then last night we imed for about an hour to an hour a half). but anyway, more about the great things that i learned about this procedure that i may have to have. activities should be limited for 10-14 days to prevent post procedure bleeding. after surgery less then 10% of women may have bleeding that requires packing or a blood transfusion. narrowing that may cause infertility is rare but can occur. inability of the cervix to remain closed during pregnancy may occur, causing pregnancies to end in miscarriage or premature labor. this procedure may remove all the abnormal tissue, but if it doesnt you may need to have it repeated or your doctor may discuss other treatments, such as a hysterectomy. so needless to say i really shouldnt have read all this about this procedure, especially being that it isnt definite if i have to even have it, i have to have the other test/procedure done the beginning of next month, then wait for the results of that, if they are bad then i have to have this done. i am just really depressed, why is this happening to me? why cant i seem to ever be happy, and not have anything to worry about. this is something that i didnt need. i really want to be happy right now because of the holidays, but it just seems to be right now that it isnt fair that this has to happen to me. other then this things arent going bad, they are okay. the guy is okay, we are okay right now, my husband is okay, he isnt being horrible or mean, we got a real christmas tree and decorated it tonight for the kids, i still have a job at this moment, things arent that bad. i have really good plans for sat night right now with the guy. so i am really trying to focus on those things that i have going instead of the other thing that i could really be obsessing about right now. well, that is it for now, i think that the best thing for me to do right now, is just go to sleep. hopefully i will have happy dreams at least.