Doesnt Seem Very Dependable

so the guy never did come back friday night online, which i was figuring that he wouldnt be. so that was okay. however he had said that he was going to contact me tomorrow, and let me know what we were doing, times for it, and things like that. and he didnt contact me at all, until i texted him wanting to know what was going on at 6:30 and asked him if we were still on, so he said yes, ill call you. so i answered back is still going to be leaving at 8pm, so he said i dont know, so i answered that i needed to know when to get ready, and he didnt answer me. finally at 8:15 (i had sworn that i wasnt going to try contacting him again) he called me and said that he was sorry he was in the middle of dinner with family and friends, and he couldnt get away from the table and also didnt realize what time that it was. so that whole experience was frustrating to me. so anyway we made plans, i left about a half hour later, and we met with his brother and one of their friends and his son and bowled 2 games, which i sucked at of course because it had been so long since i had bowled, but that was okay, it was still fun. and the whole time that we were playing, he was so affectionate, it was amazing. he was constantly touching me and wanting to be with me. it was nice to have so much attention paid to me. so anyway, it was nice his brother was okay, and seemed a lot like him. then we went and ate something for dinner, just me and him, and i beat him to the check and paid, which i actually had to grab it, because whenever we go out he always pays for everything and i pay for nothing. and i was the one this time that said that i was hungry so we got something to eat because of me. and i know that he doesnt have much money right now because of being between jobs. last i heard he is supposed to be starting the part time job this week, and may have a full time job that he is supposed to be finding out about the beginning of this week. so he shouldnt hopefully be having money troubles for much longer. not that i would even know that he had money problems, because he still always pays for everything, just like before. ever since we got back together or whatever you want to call what we are, cause i dont know, we have been having issues. or at least i have. i cant seem to get to the happy place, like i always could before. but then again, we arent inside his bedroom like we were before, because he doesnt have his own place anymore. he said that in the summer he should be doing okay to do that again. but right now, it just isnt the same for me, at least not since we started going out again. which sucks for me, he has no issues like that though. he was feeling really bad about it (or at least that was how he was acting) and said that he was going to get a hotel room for one night next weekend, so that we could stay there for the night. (with what he is saying about having no money, i have no idea how he is planning that but okay) he also said that he was going to talk to me at some point today, and i havent heard from him all day. and it is now almost 10pm. (and the interesting part is that he was saying i love you to me one or two times yesterday, and when i was leaving he even said i love you, i'll contact you tomorrow)that is only thing that i can really come up with, if i was trying of course, that bothers me about him, is that he isnt really dependable, like when it comes to doing what he says like calling, or contacting you.

i have decided to cancel my appointment with the doctor to have the biopsy done, i am decided that i dont want to bother with it this month. i am going to reschedule it for next month in january. i just dont want more things to have to deal with and coordinate, and besides if it comes out that way, they are going to want to do that other procedure on me, and i dont want that done this month, with the holiday season. so that is my decision about it. i am going to wait.

my "husband" was whining yesterday before i left that he wasnt going to be able to see me and that we could have spent time together last night. so i said to him that we would be able to spend all night tonight together. so you know what happens? i am home all night, cook a really nice dinner, and he fell asleep on the couch at about 7:15 and hasnt been up since, it is now 10pm. so what is even the point of me being at home if he is going to do something like that. but anyway, tomorrow he is supposed to be signing his check over to me from his main job, and out of that giving me the $300 that he used last month of mine to pay the rent, and also the 175 that he is short from this months rent, he is also supposed to be going half with me to get a christmas tree, probably fake though because he doesnt want a real tree. which is upsetting me because to me it isnt christmas without a real tree. well, i am going to get off the computer now, and get some sleep for work tomorrow. i have decided that i am not going to try to contact the guy now, i am going to let him contact me first this time, being that he said that he would contact me today, and hasnt. so that is that, i am going to let him do it. because for someone that says that they love someone, you would think that you would want to speak to them everyday. so let him do it. it was nice last night, after dinner and everything we spent time, a lot of time, and it was nice, he just acted so loving and sweet and slow with kissing and everything, i like that about him, he can be really rough one minute (i have a really faint hickey on my neck which luckily is only noticeable to me apparently), pounding and everything, and the next minute kissing all up and down slow and romantic. i am trying really hard not to fall for him to bad, because i dont want to wind up getting hurt again. and i can see myself falling really hard, if i am not falling already. i think about him a lot, wondering what he is doing. get upset if he doesnt do what he says that he is going to, maybe i am already falling or fallen, damn i hope not. 10:15pm and nothing from him, i am going to sign off now and go to sleep.