"Its to late to keep from going crazy, I've got to get away."

"The reasons that I can't stay dont have a thing to be with being in love. I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough. And you ain't the only one that feels like this worlds left you far behind, I dont know why you've gotta be angry all the time. I remember everytime that I said that I'd never leave, but what I cant live with is memories of the way that you used to be." sung by Tim McGraw "Angry All The Time"

well as i figured yesterday which was supposed to be so great would not turn out that good, maybe it was just my usual negative outlook or just a feeling that i had but i was right. it wasnt that good. it started off okay, but he was snapping at me and trying to rush me, and then i mentioned something stupid that i had done (or that had happened to me) when we were seperated, not thinking that he was going to flip out about it. but he did flip and i flipped because i couldnt believe that he was acting that way about it. so our whole night was ruined because he was so mad at me that he wouldnt do anything. we just argued and screamed for like 3 hours. that was the basis of the night. and with the issues that i have i wasnt even mostly screaming, i was mostly laying in my bed curled in a ball and crying for almost the whole 3 hours. so finally i said thats it i am leaving and got my purse keys and cell phone and opened up the door, and was leaving, and then he was like dont go, go lay down on the couch. so i said no, i want to leave you have made it very plain how you feel about me. so then as i was getting ready to close the door, he said i really love you so much, and you hurt me sometimes that is why i act the way i act. so i came back in the house, and had started crying again. and i guess that we worked through it after that, because we started talking it out. and also of course the make up you know what after was awesome. it wasnt even that, it was making love, and it was good. it actually felt like it meant something. i think (and hope) that we will be better now then we were before, i think that we needed to get all of this out in the open.

as for HIM since tuesday i havent heard from him, he had said that he was going to call me today and he didnt. (of course, big surprise there). that is fine, i am not going to call him. that is it. maybe if he doesnt call me in a couple of weeks or a month, i will call him, but i am definetly not going to be calling him right away.

i am trying to finish packing right now, i am going to be travelling to see my godson for his baptism and also for his first birthday. i am so excited to see him. i just hope my own little monkeys are good, i dont know how well my nerves are going to handle it if they arent.