"I'm here without you baby, but your still on my lonely mind,
I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time,
I'm here without you baby, your still with me in my dreams,
and tonight it's only you and me."
"Here Without You" sung by 3 Doors Down
that about describes how i have been feeling lately. the cell phone issue got fixed, thankfully, and they basically overnighted me my cell phone and i received it last night, and got it all set up again. i actually went through one or two of my most recent cell phone bills and thanks to itemized billing, i located my best friends number (yes i know it is awful that i dont have it memorized, but i am speed dial spoiled, with it programmed in my phone i have never had to memorize any numbers). and yes while i was looking at the bills, i also located HIS number as well. maybe i was really trying to find his number, okay yeah i was, i wanted it. so now i have it, but the question is what am i going to do with it? he had said that he was going to call me back on sunday night with his number, because when he called me extremely drunk on saturday night i had told him that i didnt have his number anymore. but he didnt call me back sunday with the number, and he hasnt called me yet. and even though my other phone didnt work so that i couldnt see who was calling, my voice mail did work, so even if i had missed the call, he could have left a message. so basically it ends up with, he didnt call me. so do i call him after a while? i have already been getting the urge to call him, but i am also stopping myself from calling him, because i wanted to start getting away from him. i dont know what i am going to do. it is definetly a possibilty that he completely forgot that we even had that conversation because he was so drunk, and because of the conversation that we had a while ago, he is just giving me my time to myself. i dont know. from my friends and family that i have mentioned this to, i am getting mixed opinions too, my best friend keeps telling me to just let it go, it is done, if he wants to call me for something important he knows how to reach me. but that hurts really bad. and then on the other hand my mom surprised me by saying that if i care about him so much why wouldnt i want to keep in touch with him. but she also realized how much it hurts to keep hearing how good he is doing. i dont know what to do. i wonder what good keeping in contact with him is going to do me, if i just get to hear about how good that he is going after he dumped me. i really dont know what i am going to do yet. if i am just going to wait and see if he contacts me and if he doesnt then just work on really getting over all of it, or if he doesnt contact me in a while, contact him. i just dont know.
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