To The Left, To The Left

from that beyonce song of course, irreplaceable, cause that is what he thinks, that he cant be replaced, i have such news for him, i can soooooo replace his dumb butt. more on that in a minute. what i was saying yesterday, about the gym, i am getting frustrated about my weight, i weighed myself the other day, and found out that i have gained 14 pounds in 6 months. and i can tell you why, i have been eating whatever the heck i want, and havent been doing any exercise, it still sucks though, cause i know people that can eat anything, not exercise and still have perfect figures. oh well, no point in dwelling on that, cause i know that i will never be like that. thats for sure. i am at the same weight exactly to the pound that i was at last time that i started working out again and joined the gym, so anyway i went to the gym for the first time in those 6 months, and did my normal work out routine, which includes 45 minutes of cardio, and amazingly enough, i am a little sore, but even close to being as sore as i thought that i would be, which is a good thing. my problem is that when i get stressed out, aggravated or depressed i get the overwhelming urge to eat, just stick something in my mouth, and keep shovelling it in, it takes such supreme willpower not to do that, i know that other women have that problem too, it is apparently a very common problem, i wonder what some of their secrets are. but even though i was incredibly stressed out tonight, i did manage to control myself and just eat my low fat dinner and that was it...yeah! i am determined to do this, watching what i eat, and exercising, and make some changes in myself both physically and mentally. not only do i majorly want to lose some weight, but i know that exercising will make me healthier and hopefully feel better physically but mentally too, to help with stress and stuff. my husband told me late last night that he had borrowed some money from someone and also worked something out so that by friday night he should have the money for the rent, short like 25 or 50 dollars, which i said that i should be able to come up with. so that was agreed on, so we will just be a few days late with it, and he said that he would give me the money sometime between friday and sunday so that we can drop off the money order (which i will have to get) to pay the rent on sunday night. so that resolved that, supposedly? i hope so. lets see. cause tonight we had a huge argument, it all started when last night i came home from work and found his wedding ring sitting in the middle of my papers on my desk, right near the computer and webcame of course, so i confronted him about that and he said that he had just taken it off cause his hand was swollen, and it had nothing to do with what i was saying that it was, which was that he had taken it off cause he didnt want someone that he was talking and messing with on the webcam to see that he was married. and he also took money out of wallet without telling me i think that it was sunday night, same thing didnt tell me that he took it or ask me if he could, just took it and didnt say anything to me. and then last night (or this morning depending on how you look at it) when my cell phone was ringing with him calling me at 1am, he tried calling me three times, woke me up out of my sleep hearing it, but i didnt answer and i fell back asleep. but then he was pounding on my bedroom window outside trying to wake me up. so i finally got up and had to let him in the front door of the house because he was claiming that he had locked himself out of the house. then when i woke up in the morning he tells me that he took the last bit of money that i had out of wallet 20.00. so i got upset and told him that i needed it, and he got an issue, and said fine then, just take it out of the money that i had given to you for the rent, and i will just have to try to work extra hours to replace it. then i think that the final straw was when i came tonight and the sinkful of dishes that were in there since monday that he had agreed that he would wash because i busted my butt cooking were still sitting there. and he wouldnt wash them. so i got upset with him about that, and we started arguing, there were so many things that were said that i am not even going to go into them. the end outcome was that it was a huge argument, and he said that he wasnt happy with me or the way that i treat him and that i was always nagging and complaining about everything, and that i didnt treat him well at all. he basically turned the whole thing around like it was my fault. so i said well if you arent happy and i am not happy we should probably just call it quits. which set him off saying that i always said that, i always wanted to end it, so i said well i am not happy with you, this doesnt seem like a marriage. so first he said that he wasnt going to leave and be the one to look for a place to stay, so i said that i wouldnt be either, and then a little while later he said that he was probably going to leave, he didnt know when or he was 100% sure yet, but that at least that meant that he could get away from me. so i told him to give me a months notice, and he laughed at me, so i dont think that would happen. he made a comment to me about not wanting to have sex with me, cause all i ever did was bitch and complain, so i said oh i guess that is why you fall around with those girls online then, and he didnt even deny it this time, or argue it, he said you are right, at least i dont have to hear them annoying me. so i called him a cheat, and he just shrugged didnt even care. i am soo ready for him to go, i dont care, good riddens, the only problem would be the rent and that i cant pay it by myself, something has to give though, something has to change, cause i cant keep going on like this, i gotta figure out a way out of this situation. i cant deal with this anymore. anyway that was it with him so far at least anyway, because after all that, he went to bed at like 7pm, and has been sleeping since. i am going to try to settle down now and get some rest, i didnt have a chance to say what happened at my daughters dentist appt, so maybe i will be able to post about that tomorrow.