I Am So Aggravated And Upset

i am so aggravated and upset right now that i just have to let it all out and rant some about it because maybe this will help. i really hope that it does. i am upset because i found out that the cobra insurance to let me carry insurance after i no longer have my job because they are making me give it up because they are relocating, is going to be 400.00 per month. and there is no way that i can pay for that per month. but how good is it going to be for me to be without insurance for any amount of time. lets see, i am waiting for the results from the biopsy back, because i could have that "c" word, either now, or in the future would have to be taken care of. and hope it can be taken care of in a way that isnt a big deal to my future or having kids in the future. and now after all the freaking things that i had done with my mouth over like the past 2 weeks, a filling, extraction, i am still having pain again, and it isnt oww i just had my tooth pulled pain, cause that is a different pain and that had went away. this is oww it seems like there is something wrong again. which is upsetting me, cause not only does that mean more money to fix it that i dont have, but oww more pain and crap to go through again. and then there is of course my annoying husband who seems to have gone out of his way to upset me today, or maybe he was just in a bad mood and acting like a you know what who knows. first of all he hasnt been on my good list because he has been having cyber sex seeing naked women on webcams and showing himself on webcam lately, he has also been talking and seeing naked women (and probably having cyber sex to) for months that i havent even known about til now. so that right there is bothering me, because it is on my computer first of all, and i thought that our relationship was getting better and now he is doing or still doing this, of course it is going to wreck our relationship. heck with that as far as i am concerned right now there is no relationship if he is doing that. because what kind of relationship is that, and in his mind even though he knows that it is bothering me, he thinks that it is no big deal and that it is comparable to going to a strip club, i definetly dont think that it is. and knowing that it bothers me and him still doing it, means that he is just doing whatever he wants, so i am just going to do whatever i want then screw him. i dont care anymore. i need to find someone that will take care of me, love me, and treat me with the respect that i deserve to have, not just good when they feel like it or want something from me. i came home from getting my nails done. which i only do once every 2 weeks, and he jumped down my throat about where his jacket was, which i have been borrowing/using for like the past year. so i replied that i had it, and left it at work today, and he flipped out about it, and said that i better bring it back tomorrow, because it was his. never mind that he hasnt cared about it for the past year or so. so that was one thing, then the other thing was that he told me that i might want to get some quarters so that we could do laundry, and so i said to him what happened to the roll of quarters that i just bought on saturday night for our laundry, i know that we only did 2 loads out of which is 4.00 and there is now 1.50 left, so that leaves like 4.50 unaccounted for, which by the way is basically the amt of a pack of cigarettes so he said dont worry about it, just get some more quarters so i said oh, i bet that you would worry about it if it was your money that bought those quarters, and he didnt have anything to say, just started yelling at me some more. just to spite him i am not going to get any more quarters let him worry about how he is going to wash his clothes, which should be interesting being that he has to work both jobs for the next 2 days, and then sat and sun at one job, and he only has 2 pairs of pants that he can wear there, and he cooks so he is bound to get them dirty. i have a reserve of quarters that i have saved just for when he pulls something like this, so i know that i will have clean clothes, i will just wash them when he isnt here so he doesnt know. hopefully he just wont find the quarters, cause i really want to try to teach him a lesson, he has pissed me off so bad with this.