Auugggghhhh Men

men have been getting on my nerves today. my daughters father called me up a few times, potentially just for nothing but to ask me several dumb things that didnt even really make any sense. and probably just to annoy me, but i didnt mind that as much cause he was saying that he was going to give me the child support for next month on monday, which a few days ahead of time, and is also the day that i have to leave work early to go to my doctor, and i would need some money for my copayment with the doctor and for my prescriptions so that is okay.

today the big thing was my husband, as usual. he annoyed me by calling me like three times when i was on my way home, and he had gotten off work and had beaten me home. and was asking me where i was, what i was doing, etc. and he had to do this like three times in a half hour. then i get home, i promised my kids a party with me if they cleaned up their room nice, so they did, and so we had our party. the only thing that my husband did for it was get a pizza (which he just walked like a block to get and they gave it to him for free). everything else i did, i played games with the kids, made a gingerbread house with them, everything. what he did was stay in the bedroom on that webcam website talking to girls and doing god knows what with them as usual. he keeps acting like that, not respecting that i told him that it bothers me. and that is cheating in my book. he just keeps doing it anyway, whether i am taking care of the kids while he does it, or sleeping, or out he still does it. and also today is the 27th my rent is due in couple of days, and he has not a dime for it, i dont know if he is going to be able to come up with that much money in a few days, i know that he has a 2 week paycheck coming up from one job and he has maybe another week pay coming from the other one, so i dont know, i know that i am not going to help him out this time. let him deal with it himself. i am just not doing it anymore, i have taken a step back from everything lately. he took 20.00 dollars out of my wallet a couple of days ago without asking me or telling me, so out of the money that i had for him that i was holding to pay his cell phone bill i took that money, so when it came time to pay his cell phone bill he was short money and i didnt pay for it. so it was turned off until he came up with the money to give me so that i could pay for it, i am just not messing around with it anymore, if he is short on something because he is blowing his money on things that i am not going to talk about here, then i am not going to cover for him anymore, i am done. i am also done trying to even pretend that this is a marriage, he doesnt want to spend time or do things with the kids like a family, he doesnt treat me like his wife he treats me like dirt, and he is still "cheating" on me, so he is just doing whatever the hell he wants to do, so i am going to do the same thing. i am really done with him.

i hadnt heard anything about the results of the interview from my job, but what my decision on it was that if i got called for the second interview with the director of the division, that i would tell her about my five o clock problem and see what she said, and if it was still the same thing that there was no way that i would be able to be guaranteed to leave at five, then i wouldnt be able to take it. but being that i havent even heard anything right now anyway, then who knows if i am even in the running for the job. oh well, i am not worried about it at all, cause i probably cant take the job anyway.

i dont know if i have mentioned him before, but i have been talking to this guy online, we have been instant messaging online every day or every other day for like the past probably month and a half or so, and now of course it has been going to the next level of talk of meeting and everything. he is two years younger then me, lives with his parents cause he cant afford to live on his own right now (which i can understand), and he is a tutor/substitute teacher and is still in college. he said that he should be done with college this year. we seem to get along okay, and have been talking a lot. and i had originally agreed to meet him on the 3rd of next month but i had forgotten that i had already planned to go out with the girls that night, so i asked him if the 10th was okay, and he said yes. so as it stands now, we are going to meet. i have all sorts of different feelings about it, i am not getting pushed into meeting him so it is nothing like that. i know that one of the feelings is being scared that i am going to get hurt. which of course just one meeting wouldnt equal that, i just need to try to take it slow and not get that attached that fast, cause i dont want to get burned again. i am scared of that. so i am trying my best to take this and make this as slow as humanly possible.