2006 In Retrospect

Well, my new years eve last year i was very depressed and drunk, and wasnt happy at all. so this year was at least better for me, yesterday night was spent playing with the kids with fireworks, i had one wine cooler (wasnt even near being drunk), had a little fun with my husband (if you want to call it that, cause after a while i got bored), saw the new year in, and then fell asleep. so it wasnt anything exciting but at least i was depressed or upset about anything, i was actually in a fairly good mood which was nice.

But anyway as I promised here is 2006 in retrospect:

In January, I admitted to him that I still loved him and had feelings for him, he told me that we wouldnt get back together, that he couldnt be with me again, and rebroke my heart again by telling me that. Then about 2 weeks later the most, he came down here on a trip, saw me for a few hours, we said our final "goodbyes" which broke my heart again saying goodbye, cause it was so nice being with him. I also got some medication for my issues with depression that I wasnt on for that long, because it didnt make me feel well. We were still talking for the rest of this month, thought i was pregnant from what we did that night, but I wasnt. Also started seeing a therapist for my mental issues, which didnt really help that much. Very unhappy with my relationship with my husband right now too.

In February, my dog did massive destruction on the blinds in the house, he seems to have issues with storms, and hearing them. But amazingly husband didnt flip out that much about it. Relationship with husband isnt that good, he isnt mantaining a job, and is barely paying the bills, or his throwing a fit about paying them. Got 2 more ear piercings in each ear, and am still talking to HIM. Went on a mini vacation with the kids to Orlando, and saw my best friend and my godson, hadnt seen him in about a year, so it was great to see him, he was soooo cute. We celebrated his baptism and first birthday while we were there. Me and the kids had a nice time, and it was nice to get away for a little bit. Still trying to get over HIM.

In March, I was still seeing a therapist, not sure how much that it is helping though. Also still talking to HIM, not able to really get over him since he keeps having drunk conversations with me making me think that he still loves me. My husband has still been upsetting me, with the job things and his attitude, so nothing really that new there. I got and started a new job, which ended up working out well, even though I was really scared about doing that and what would happen.

In April was my husbands 30th birthday, I took him out and we had a nice night out. I spent a ton of money, but what else is new with that. Husband was driving me nuts, whining and complaining a lot, so what else was new with that too. For Easter took the kids Easter egg hunting and to some little activities like that and they had fun. Didnt really hear from HIM this month.

In May celebrated my sons 3rd birthday, and he looked so big. It really made me feel old how big that he is getting. Stopped seeing my therapist because she was annoying me about me paying her, with my insurance issues. My son also started preschool this month, again making me feel old. Joined in a gym in an effort to start losing weight, did good with that for a while, then ended up not going cause didnt have the time. Husband being an ass. HE has been just calling and hanging up on my phone, but doesnt leave a message or anything like that, and it has been in the middle of the night.

In June still working out at the gym, still having the time to go. Went on vacation with the kids to South Carolina to see my best friend and godson, he got so big that it was amazing, and is still adorable too of course. Spoke with HIM a little this month, had a few very upsetting and him being very drunk calls. Husband being a butt and really annoying me with his jobs and everything else.

In July my husband was having job issues with paying his bills and getting everything paid that he had to, which is nothing unusual but it was really upsetting to me. Spoke with HIM either one or two times this month, he called me several times, and this was the last time that I heard from him for a very long time. Later found out that he was in rehab, and had alot of things going on. He also changed his profiles from no answer to being in a long term relationship which felt like I was stabbed throught the heart. My daugher also turned 6 this month, also making me feel very very old.

In August getting very upset with my husband, would have left him if it had the money too, but I didnt so I ended up sticking with him for the moment anyway. Getting sick of being treated like I didnt exist. Resolved though to try to concentrate on the good things that my husband is doing instead of the bad, and not want the one that I cant have, but love the one that I am with.

In September, made arrangements to have a babysitter to watch the kids while me and my husband went out, ended up very unhappy with him because he kept being in a rush for the night to be over. Very unhappy in general with everything about him. My grandfather also passed this month, and I was very upset about that as well. I didnt get to see him before he passed like almost everyone else in my family did. Went out with my friend and got my nose repierced (I had taken it out last November), we both had a nice time. Met a guy on the internet the very end of the month, and we really hit it off. That was on Sept 27th. (More about that next month.)

In October, went out with the guy two more times, if you want to call one of them going out. He upset me a few more times, but I still got a little attached to him. Then on Oct 8th he dumped me, blaming it on the fact that i had kids and wasnt free to go out whenever i wanted. And that upset me very much. Husband and me still not well at all, acting really like we are roommates just living in the same house. Had to threaten him with divorce in the hopes of that making him get his act together. Which didnt really help because he was still short about 400 dollars for the rent this month.

In November, still arguing and not getting along very well at all with my husband, had a pap smear come back abnormal, and freaked out about that. Then ended up going back for another one and having that one come back abormal too, am now terrified of the "c" word. Went to concert with one of my friends of brooks and dunn then we ate dinner out afterward, that was really nice, we had a good time. I was supposed to go to that concert with that guy but he had broken up with me. He contacted me on the 10th and was basically asking me to take him back, so eventually I ended up giving him another chance (dumb move). But anyway, we went out again on the 18th, and then every saturday night after that this month.

In December, he broke up with me again, the last time that we went "out" (in a hotel room that was) on the 9th, then he broke up with me officially on the 26th after basically not talking to me since then. or telling me things that were bull. Didnt really bother me as much as I thought that it would, I thought that I would be really upset. I guess it was because I expected it though. I dont know. It is upsetting but that not that much. Me and my husbands relationship still has its ups and downs but it is a little bit better. Lately he seems like he is changing. Which is nice. So lets see.

My goals for this year:

Try to lose some weight, or at least start watch what I am eating enough so that I dont gain more weight.

Ultimately I would like to start going to the gym again, being that I have a membership that I pay for every month and dont use.

Be thankful for the things that I have in this life, instead of being unhappy with things that have happened in the past.

Try to not get as depressed and upset about everything, not to let things bother me as much as they used to.

Live each day like it is going to be my last, because you really never know what is going to happen.



I just hope that my health starts to improve, and that everything turns out okay, and that I have the good health to be able to accomplish all of the above.