Visitors Are Coming, Ahhhhhhh!!!!

my husbands mother is supposed to be coming down, she actually should have gotten in today, and we are supposed to be going for dinner with her tomorrow. (with the kids of course) which means that i am stuck going. i really dont want to go, especially being that his sister will be there, and even though me and her used to be really close, we stopped that once me and him got seperated and after i waited over 9 months for him to get his act together and it didnt happen, i hooked up with someone else. so evidentally she has never gotten over there. or something. whatever. so anyway, i would really like to get out of going, but i think that i am stuck. unfortunately. being considering how i am feeling towards him lately, this might not end up that great at all. he actually tried to get me turned on to have sex with him this morning, and i just wasnt feeling it. so he stopped bothering me. i wasnt turned on in the least by him, and he was trying to do something that would have normally turned me on. it must just be the way that i feel towards him, i really dont feel love towards him. especially this morning, when this morning, he told me that he was probably going to be about 200 dollars short on the rent this month, and that i was going to have to help him. so i told him that of course he wouldnt be short if he hadnt blown his two paychecks, which of course he knows that. but anyway. he just doesnt care. so then i asked him how this got to be my issue. and he siad that we were married, and therefor it was my issue too. so i said okay, so if i am short on my bills next month, will you help me? he had no answer for that. of course he didnt, because he knows that i will always bail him out as long as i can. and even though i keep insisting to him that i am not going to bail him out, he knows that i am going to. and i know that i am going to. because 200 dollars of him being short is nothing compared to me having to pay the whole 950 dollar rent by myself, plus having to pay the whole 500 dollars of my sons daycare by myself. so i am stuck, in what seems like an endless circle, with no way of getting out of it. and as much as i run everything through my head, and think about it, i cant come up with any solutions other then i am screwed. which is no solution at all, it is just depressing. very depressing and upsetting. and frustrating. then my kids were being no help at all today, probably because they were picking up on my mood, who knows. they were just being bad today, and werent paying attention to a word that i said. and it went on all day. and didnt help my mood at all. hopefully they will be better well behaved tomorrow when we are supposed to be going out to dinner tomorrow night. that should be interesting. especially being that i dont want to go in the first place. and wish that i didnt have to go. i dont want to sit there and act like everything is okay, and you know what. i am not going to act like everything is okay, because it isnt it sucks. her son is still the same irresponsible piece of you know what that i seperated from three years ago, and if it hadnt been for that damn hurricane i would have wisened up and wouldnt have ended up moving back in with him or being with him again. and who knows maybe i would still be with HIM. maybe not though because of all the problems that HE had then, that apparently he has now decided to get help for, and couldnt have gotten help when he was with me and i kept talking to him about it. whatever. anyway, i am not going to pretend that everything is just freaking great with her son, because it isnt. i am not going to even try to talk either, unless i have to. i am really not in the mood to deal with his at all, and i wish that i didnt have to. but i guess that i have to. i'll try to update how well it goes tomorrow night as soon as possible. because this should be interesting. lets see how much i can bite my tongue. with the mood that i have been in lately, probably not that much. my life is just so depressing, frustrating, and upsetting to me lately that i can just feel myself hanging on by the tiniest thread that you have ever seen. and it is just a matter of how much pulling that thread can take before it snaps, and so do i. that is how i have been feeling lately.