i just love the month of october, it is just so great and wonderful. okay, yes i am being very sarcastic. i am sure that anyone could have figured that out by now. well, i did go to the doctors and yes the doctor did give me medicine, and you know what is even better? yes my symptoms are going away, and all of that is starting to feel better. what sucks is that the medicine is really messing with my stomach, and i am having sharp really bad pains, and otc medicines just seem to take the symptoms away a little bit but they dont make them go away. which is wonderful. and i still have another 5 days on this antibiotic. and even better yet when i am finally going to be finishing with the medicine, then i should have my period, and will then get more pains in my stomach from that. wonderful. i havent heard from the guy, i of course did think that i would but i guess that some stupid part of me wished that he would i'm me email me something, but he hasnt. he said that this was what he wanted so that is fine, let him have it. i am sure that i saved myself some major pain, heartache etc, in the long run, but right now it really sucks too. then i have of course my wonderful so called husband bothering me, he says to me yesterday that he might not have enough to pay the rent (which is the one thing that he has to pay) and that i might have to help him. so i said that if he hadnt taken his whole paycheck from last week and not saved even a dime out of it for the rent that he knows that he has to pay he would probably be okay. but instead he took a paycheck that had to be at least 200 dollars and after one night it was gone. and he claims that he isnt doing anything that i wouldnt approve of. yeah right, and i am freaking cinderella. so he has been promising me that as of this paycheck, which would be tomorrow, that he was going to start signing them over to me so that i could handle them for him (because obviously he is not capable). so then last night he goes back on that and says that he is going to start that the next week, not the one that he has coming this week, because he needs like at least 100 dollars out of it. but he wouldnt tell me why. then after me bothering him about it for at least 45 minutes, he finally tells me that it is because he broke something on someones car that he was trying to help them with, and that he would tell them that he was going to replace the part that he broke for them. yeah okay, tell me another great story. i dont believe that freaking at all. so i lost it with him and said that i really didnt want to be married to him anymore, and that i was tired of all of this. and he said but i love you, like that is a good freaking reason. so i said to him what kind of marriage is this, you lie to me, dont tell me anything, say its none of my business, and then you cant even keep to what you say. i dont want to hear it anymore. i'm done. so he said i'll make you a deal, if it dont start signing you over my paychecks next week, then i will pack my stuff and go. so i said that is fine, because i was going to tell you about the same thing, which was that if you dont get yourself straightened out fast, i want you out of my house, and you will be receiving the divorce papers. so he understood that, so lets see what happens with that. this month being the great month that it is, and being really freaking upset about everything that has been going on, some stupid part of me was thinking that closer to HIS birthday (yeah you know who) i was going to email him happy birthday and a card, and that is it. but what is the point in that? either he isnt going to even respond back to me and blow me off, because there has to be a reason that he hasnt made any contact with me in the past 3 months to even say hi, other then the fact that he is supposedly now sober and only contacting me when he was drunk. so he might not respond, he might respond and tell me to leave him alone, or his "girlfriend" or friend, or brothers might, or he might email me and tell me how freaking great he is doing. which either one of those would just probably even worse for the crappy state of mind that i am already in. so i probably shouldnt do that.
i should probably just pay more attention to the man i have in my life that really treats me good:(other then my son, who isnt a man yet):
isnt he cute? seems like he is the only man who is truly happy to see me, appreciates me, and treats me the way that i should be treated. not like something that can be used and tossed aside.
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