A Man----Some Rantings That I Need To Get Out

i was brought up thinking that a man was someone who took care of you, and any issues that came up, woud help you with. i was also brought up with the thoughts that you could depend on your man, and that he would be responsible and take care of you. it seems that no matter what I do, I cant find a man that will stay (and not dump me) who i want. the one that i have now, i am sure that no matter what i do i wont be able to get rid of him, short of filing for divorce. which would be good that i cant get rid of a man, after the issues that i have had with them ditching me, but unfortunately not only can he not afford to take care of me, and not have me worry about anything, but he cant even pay his share of the bills, which is dramatically less then my share. what happened to all the dreams that i had when i was little? the dream of a man that really loved me and acted like he did and treated me like a princess. treated me like a princess, i had that and lost it. so instead now i am stuck with an irresponsible man who blows all his money, and cant pay his meager 1/3 share of the bills that we had originally agreed to. mind you in about 2 and a 1/2 years i have always paid all my bills, never late once. and he doesnt even give me affection or show love. very rarely he does, so rarely as a matter of fact that when he does i have to wonder what is going on. such a wonderful life i have.

in case you are wondering what brought on this ranting, it is because originally he was saying that he was going to be about 160 short on the rent. which i wasnt that thrilled about, but i could have handled it. that was with him having 300 from his paycheck today, 240 from the money i am paying towards the daycare (long story, he does work for them), and then 300 from his last paycheck this month. so what happened today was that instead of not cashing his check and signing it and handing it to me like he said that he would, instead he cashed it, claims that it was only 220 and that he now has 200 dollars from it. so okay, am thinking now we are going to have to come up with 260 for the rent that we are going to be short. about 2 hours later he calls me and tells me that he had counted it at the store that he had cashed it at and that it was 200 there, and now that he got home and recounted it now he has 160 dollars. how insane is that, you mean to tell me that you somehow lost 40 dollars on the short walk home. i dont even believe that lie. i know that he spent it on something and i am just not hoping that it is what i am suspecting. so anyway, now that means that if his next paycheck is 300 dollars, which with the amount of hours that he has been putting in lately, might be unlikely, he will be short 300 dollars. big jump from being short 160 to being short 300 right? that is why i am so upset right now. and that is if he gets his next paycheck being 300 dollars. if not he will just be short more money. that is just wonderful. i was going to try to go to work tomorrow morning to get a few hours of over time but i cant because he has to go do some work at the daycare and somone has to watch the kids. oh well, i can use the r and r anyway i suppose. i just could have used the money more.