Good New For Like A Minute

then as usual, the good news gets cancelled out by the bad news. so today wasnt that busy it was busy as heck, i had to deal with several not nice people, one of which being someone that i work with who will remain nameless. but i dealt with them well, i killed them with kindness as usual. so i got through the day. my so called husband was getting on my nerves about if i figured out about paying the rent, and i told him that i was going to borrow from the money to pay the cable and electric bill and that it would need to be paid back within a week and a half after the rent was paid. and he was happy about that, so at least he got off my back about that. and stopped bugging me on how we were going to pay it, and that he was hoping that i had came up with something because his one idea didnt work (that was asking his dad to borrow the money). big surprise there that his dad said no, after all the times that he has asked his dad for money. the good news i am talking about is that my husband got the job in the morning working from 6am-2pm which means that i am going to have to drop my son at school in the morning at 7am and that is going to take away from the overtime that i was getting, so my husband is then going to have to give me the money for groceries which is 300 dollars a month that i was replacing with my overtime pay. which he had agreed that he would do. so anyway we were all happy that he got the job, me especially he just called me and told me today at like 4pm when they told him, and then he is saying how he is going to keep the job that he has and that it is going to be good having 2 jobs and 2 paychecks and he is going to get back on his feet really quick. so i am really happy because this is what he needs. so he went into his night job tonight, told them about cutting back his hours and only scheduling him at night because he has the other job, and he said that they said okay and it wasnt a big deal. but then he calls me about 15 minutes ago and says that he just quit his job, because the manager was getting in his face about something and that he wouldnt let anyone talk to him like that, and he said that she said that she was going to write him up and then he quit or something like that. at least that is the version that i got from him who knows if that is really what happened. so when he just called me and told me that i said to him i dont know why you did that because now you are going to be in the same position that you were before, not having any money. so he said whatever i guess i will have to find a little part time job just paying a little bit of money like at wendys or something. so here we go again, i am not going to hold my breath. i just hope that he can hold on to this one job that will pay the bills enough or barely and the grocery money now that he is going to have to give me, lets not forget about that. and then of course to make things even better, tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the hurricane that made all of this possible, and yanked my life out from under me. and then of course the the next day, wednesday the 25th is HIS birthday. just wonderful. i was talking to my mom and she couldnt understand why i was so upset about those things, especially about the hurricane. i am so upset because compared to how i was last year, aside from having a better job with pay and benefits, i am definetly not where i want to be. at all. last year i had options, dreams, this year i have nothing. i had a lot of options and i was weighing what i wanted to do, then when the hurricane came, yank, all of that got pulled away and i got stuck in what i have now, a life with absoluetly no choices. i feel so trapped that is why i feel so bad, i dont feel that bad anymore about the items that i lost, the apartment that i lost, or even losing HIM. amazingly losing HIM doesnt hurt as much anymore, or make me cry, and the dreams have definetly eased up a lot. i think that i what i miss is how i felt when i was with, so safe loved and taken care of, which is something that i havent really felt since HIM. i also never felt like i was trapped i always felt that i had options, and most of the time when i was with him, i didnt care if i was trapped. i was happy with him. so i think that i have summed it up, i dont really miss him as a person anymore (maybe every once in a while, but not that much, very rarely). no what i miss is all of those feelings, and not feeling like i am in a circle, with no way out, and no end in sight. that is how i feel. well, as of right now it looks like i am not going to be alone wednesday night (which is his birthday) like i thought that i would be, so hopefully i wont be that depressed. tomorrow night i already knew that he was going to be home cause it was supposed to be his night off from work. now that he is going to be home at night, i just hope that he doesnt bug me too much being home, because whenever he is home i cant do what i want when i want, because i always hear him making comments or bugging me about something, like for example the amount of time that i spend on the computer or the who i am talking on the phone too. wow, he just admitted that maybe he did act like a little irrational, and that he was sorry. that is a miracle, he hardly ever admits when he is wrong, and he never apologizes for it. lets see if he has anything else to say, i better get going.