No One Is Perfect, No One Is Perfect......

that is what i am starting to repeat to myself, because maybe that is my problem. maybe i have been trying to find the perfect guy, which as we all know doesnt exist. and i know that just as the perfect girl doesnt exist, i know that i am not perfect. i am far from it. i know that i have my issues and problems, and i have a lot going on in my life. so why is it that i am so critical of his issues that he has, and the little things about him that seem to bother me. not that they really annoy me anymore, but just that they are very noticeable to me. what is interesting is that almost everytime that i see him or talk to him (which is basically every day) he is talking about the near future, with graduating college, and having a job teaching at school with tutoring on the side, and getting his own place. and me moving im with him, each of us paying half the bills, and all of that stuff. and he is always talking about how happy he is with me, how i take care of him, he said i love you a couple of times, and i had to have the conversation with him about how i wasnt going to say that right now. which he seemed okay with. he makes sure that we talk every day in some way or another or all the different ways. he is really what i have been looking for in a man; someone who is educated, wants the same thing in the future that i want, will have a fairly decent job that will make okay money, has goals in his life, doesnt mind my kids (or the idea of them since he wont be meeting them for quite a while from now), and even sometime in the future would like to have at least one child of his own. so what the hell is my problem? i really dont know. i have been just trying to go along with this whole thing, and not think about it or dwell on it too much, but it is hard for me. not that i am not really happy with all of this and the way that he treats me (for the most part) but that maybe it is that i am scared of letting myself get hurt, because damn it i am already getting really attached. he is already attached, i would think anyway, planning future with me and everything, not that it is a bad thing, because the same thing that i want for my future is what he wants for his, but still. i dont know, i just seem to have a fear of getting hurt now (not that you could blame me from everything that i have been through, but still). i need to work past that fear. and he has been such a nice and sweet guy ever since i have even started talking to him never mind met him that i guess that i need to deal with it, and just let it come as it comes. and just like go with the flow, so to speak. he gave me today (when we saw each other for lunch at my job) a little box of chocolates that he said was supposed to go with the rest of my valentines day presents and also he gave me a little boxed set of lotion and body wash that he said was from his mom for valentines day, as a way of saying welcome, or something like that. that was another thing that made me want to run, and was like ahhhh crap, mother runnnn. which i suppose was dumb, again i just need to take one day at a time. he made a reservation with his credit card on his own for saturday night, after quite a little while of going back and forth about it, and we said that we would split so i will have to make sure that i have the cash for that at that time. i have actually been battling a sore throat, and also have been losing my voice on and off all day today, so i am really hoping that i am not getting sick, or am already sick. i took a vitamin, and am also going to take some of that airbourne and see if that helps maybe prevent it or something, because i dont need this right now. especially with him making that reservation, ughh. i am worried about that now. especially being that i have been looking forward to it, a lot. i mean really a lot. i mean really really really really a lot. i am sure that you get what i mean by that now. i left work early today for my first physical therapy appointment for my knee and ankle, which i am supposed to be going to 3 times a week for the next 4 weeks. so that should be interesting especially some of the times that i am probably going to have to bring the kids with me for them. the tomorrow i have to leave work early to take my daughter to her dentist appointment to start filling one of the five that need to be done. so i just really hope that she is good through the whole thing, so that we dont have any problems with him not wanting to do them. cause other wise i cant pay the 1000 that the other dentist would have wanted to do them. then on friday i also have to leave work early because i have to go to the regular doctor that i have to go to because of the accident for a followup, not that it is going to do anything, because i was just there last week, and nothing has changed, it still feels the same way, and i have only been to one appointment with therapy which was today basically for an evaluation so there was really nothing done. so that is the rest of my week that i have scheduled. i am sure that my daughters father is going to try to bother me tomorrow, because for some reason he was saying that he wanted to come with me and my daughter to the dentist, and i said that he didnt have to because me and the other lady would be in there with her, but he insisted saying that was what he wanted to do. so i guess that we will see what happens with that. i am starting to get upset and worried now, my throat is getting really sore, my voice is really going in and out now, and also something that is really not good is that my ears are starting to hurt when i swallow too. oh i really hope that i am not getting sick. ahhh. it could be that there is something that my daughter might have had a touch of too, because she was sleeping last night, and then at about 11:30 just as i was getting ready to go to bed, she woke up out of her sleep and threw up all over her bed, her pillow, her sheets, the wall, you get the picture, what a mess. and then after that she seemed to feel better no fever nothing, which was very weird to me anyway. the only thing that i could thing of was either that she was fighting some type of bug or something or the only other thing that i could think of would be that she ate something that was bad and/or upset her stomach. my sons father (technically my husband) has been annoying me tonight for some reason, i dont know why, it is almost like he gets joy out of it or something, for example, one thing that he was going to do was start with me about how much i pay to have my nails done every two weeks, which is also what i had done tonight, and yes i will admit that it isnt something that needs to be done, but it is really the one (or one of the few) things that i do for myself, just for me. so i said to him you know what, you dont even have room to talk, how much have you spent this week for what you get yourself. and he had no answer for me, and dropped the subject. and then he tells me that i need to pay my bills after the rent is supposed to get paid, so that if he needs the money he can use that first. so i told him no, i am not going to be late on my bills that are in my name and ruin my credit just because you cant pay the rent. i will be able to pay my bills, you should be able to do the same. and that was the end of that conversation as far as i was concerned anyway.