Whatever

HE had called me last night, he said just to check on how i was feeling. i said that i was okay, and we just casually chatted for a few minutes, and then he said that he was going to sleep and i said that i was too, and then we hung up. but then at 6:30am this morning, he texted me on my phone from his computer and said i have to admit i am worried about this whole u might be pregnant think :( so i texted him back in 3 different texts you shouldnt be worried it is just a slight chance, see i knew i shouldnt have told you, and its okay i just told you to tell you, you dont have to have any responsiblities. so he didnt respond, and instead calls me at about 5:30pm and said that he had read my texts and what did i mean by that. so i said that if i was that he didnt have to have any responsiblities and that he could sign away his rights. so he said something like that was crazy, he wouldnt do that, but then in the next breathe he said something about me always being opposed to abortion. and then he was saying something like oh if i was his life would be ruined, so i said that mine would be too, and that i would be homeless and everything else. then he just kept carrying on and on so much and stressing me out that i was like i have to go, call me back after 8pm when the kids go to bed so that we can talk more if you want. so i talked to him again at like 8:30 pm and he first he blamed me saying that i should have looked into any medications that the doc gives me further and that the doctor was a moron. and then he also said that i shouldnt have taken advantage of him when he was so drunk, and that he never would have done it if he hadnt been so drunk. he also said that this was going to ruin his relationship with her, and that he was going to have to tell her (if i was) and then she was going to break up with him. and that this was going to cause him to lose her, and then he was said something that really upset me, he said that if i wasnt pregnant that he was going to ask her to marry him, because all of this was making him realize how much he really loved her. so then i said oh yeah i could really tell that you loved her that night. and so he said that it was because he was drunk and it was me. so i said well did you ever cheat on me when you were drunk and he said no, but that he cheated on her he guessed because of who i was, or something like that. and then he was going on and on about how it was a mistake and he regrets it so much this was gods way of punishing him, and all sorts of things like that. and then he asked why i didnt regret it and i said evidentally which is true i dont feel the same way about my significant other as he does his whatever she is. and then he said that he didnt really mean that, he was just freaking out. and he was sorry that he said it. so when he saw that i was getting upset he said oh i didnt mean to upset you i am sorry that i was reacting the way that i did. and i you know i love you right? it is just that i like it so much here, and i dont want to lose this. so whatever. earlier in the conversation he had said that he would never let me homeless, and that he would take care of that, and that i could move to georgia or some other state, so then i said why so that you can see the kid every other weekend or something. what is the point in that. and i dont want you to change your mind or anything regarding any of ur decisions just because of this. so then at the end of the conversation he was calmer about it, because i again impressed on him that there was only a slight chance because a) it says it may decrease the birth control, b)i was still taking my birth control the whole time and c) i did have my period at that time also. so that is what i said to him. so i said wow from the way that you were really freaking out, you must really love her huh? and he was said something like i just dont know or something like that. whatever to that. so anyway, he had said that he was going to call me tomorrow and then i said that i had doc appts, which is true, so i told him to call me on thurs and he said that he would. i have given up on him being with me, i really hope that i am not pregnant that would be horrible. it is so obvious that he never wants to be with me again, i dont want this to make him do something that he didnt want to do before. and also he was apparently diagnosed with high blood pressure, and because of that they told him to cut down on his drinking, so he was ranting and raving (in the beginning) about how his blood pressure was probably through the roof and now he couldnt drink like he usually did when he was stressed. i really dont want to be, i really really dont, i had those xrays done (even though i just read on several websites that if you are pregnant and dont know it an have them done, that it isnt good, but that there isnt that much of a chance that something could happen), and also there is all the medication that i am on. and then there is of course the other major factor that HE took a while to understand earlier, he asked me whether i wanted to be pregnant, so of course i said no, and he asked why because i had always said that i wanted a third child, so i said that was correct that i did, but not like this. i said that i wanted to be pregnant when i had a man that i was in a relationship with to stand by me, not be in another state and not be in a relationship with me, and have the child be from the one last fling that we had. i think he understood that, who knows. all of this is definetly knocking me over the head with the fact that HE DOESNT EVER WANT TO BE WITH ME. now i have to keep moving on from that, no matter what happens with this whole thing.