"There's a reason why people don't stay where they are, sometimes love just ain't enough"

Well just a vaguely ordinary day for me. was with the kids all day, i yelled at them all day because they werent behaving and they were driving me nuts. my voice is actually hoarse from yelling all day. HE hasnt called me since whenever it was that i wrote yesterday that i talked to him last, i am sure that he will be calling me sometime soon, but definetly i know that he will be calling me in about a week and a half to make sure that i am not pregnant. and then after he finds that out i am sure that will be it for him calling me. which i think that i am going to try to do anyway. it would probably be best for me if that is it. because i really do think that me talking to him all the time like i was really torturing me. it will bother me in the beginning i am sure, but this is what has to happen. that chapter in my life is closed and i need to stop obsessing about it.

As for loving the one that you are with when you cant have the one that you love, i am finding it harder and harder to do that. i am married and do have a husband right now that i am living with, but our relationship is ridiculous. we hardly see each other, because he works so much. which is good, because we really need the money, especially with me missing all the work that i have been. that is not what i am complaining about, what i am complaining about is that on the rare occasions that i do see him or talk to him, all he does is complain, whine and yell. he yells about some of the housework not being done when he thinks that it should be, he complains about my driving, about not having money, about working so much, and about the way that i look. because i am not as conservative or motherly as he would like me to be. and now he is really stressing me out even more because he is having trouble at his jobs. that he just got about 1-2 months ago. he is saying that they arent that happy with his performance. and also he always doesnt have money which doesnt make sense, because between working full time at both jobs, he should have a shit load of money, i just want to know what he is blowing it on, i hope that he isnt falling for the same thing that he was before, he claims that he isnt though. but then again last time he wasnt exactly honest with me either. i am just not happy with our relationship, we never have sex unless i beg for it, and then it stinks. the last time that we did, neither of us came, it was a very unsatisfactory experience. and then when it has been awhile, like 2-3 weeks, then he whines about it, and basically blames it on me, and finally cant take it anymore and practically jumps on me. and the cycle then starts over again. when i tried to break the cycle like i did last time, it sucked, like stated above. i am just not happy with him or the way that he has been treating me, and i really dont think that this second chance is going to work, i really think that it is going end again, and this time there will be no more chances this was it.