"How We've All Been Doing Since You Broke Our Hearts"

the title is a line from a song sung by SheDaisy titled "Lucky For You, Tonight I'm Just Me"
well since i last wrote in here, not that much has been going on that is interesting and worth writing in here. HE called on thursday night, and we didnt talk for very long he said that he was in the middle of playing this computer game that he has always been into, and he asked how everything was. i said fine, and i guess i didnt seem very social either, but i was still upset from the last conversations that we had. and he apologized for them, but that didnt really make me feel better. because it was just another thing that knocked over the head how he really felt. but then he said that he had just said all of that because he was freaking out, and that he didnt mean any of it. but i know that he meant some of it. he also said that he wasnt freaking out about the whole me being pregnant thing, because of how slim of a chance that it was because of all the factors. i am not really concerned with it either, because it would be something that would bring me and him together in one way or another, being that he had said that he wouldnt want to give up rights, and i know that nothing is going to happen to bring us together, maybe it is just my negative outlook who knows. i just dont feel pregnant, and i really dont think that i am. so anyway at the end of our fairly short conversation he said that he would call me tomorrow which would have been friday, and i said okay. and today is saturday and i havent heard from him, which i think is good i need to start distancing myself from him. this constant contact with him is making it worse i think. for example during the short conversation that we had on thursday he for some reason felt the need to tell me about the dishes and silverware that he had just bought for the new apartment that he will be moving into with his brother. like i wanted to know about that. in approx 2 weeks i should know for 100% if i am or not, and once i find out that i am not i am going to start trying to distance myself, cause i really do feel like i am torturing myself. well on other subjects, i went to my second therapist appt on weds, and it went well, we talked mostly about my husband who i was seperated from for two years and have just recently started living with again, notice i said living with not back together with, cause we are having our major issues. so we mostly discussed that, and she taught me a breathing technique for relieving stress. so i am going to start trying to do that. it is pretty easy. just put your feet flat on the floor, breath in as deep into ur stomach as you can get it, and hold it for 5 seconds, and then release it slowly through pursed lips for 7 seconds, i have been slacking off on it and not really doing it, i need to start it again. and on the health front, tomorrow morning is my last antiboitic bill and i really hope that this is it. i have been on and off antibiotics for around a month and a half and the past 2 times (this is the third medicine) it has come back once the biotics have been finished. so i really hope that doesnt happen this time.