Maybe I Don't Have To Be Nervous About It

when i spoke with the guy last night, when we i'med for around 5 hours, we left it where i thought that monday night would be fine, and he said that it would be fine. and i said that i would know tonight if that would be okay for sure, because i had to look at the schedule for this week and that i would be online at around 8pm. he said that would be fine, that he would definetly be home at that time. so we arranged to meet online at 8:00pm tonight to make sure that tomorrow was okay with my schedule. and it is right now 8:31pm and he hasnt been online yet since i first when on at 8pm. i dont know, he is just becoming irresponsible in my eyes. he really is. and irresponsible is just something that i cant have. the reason that he gave for not i'ming me for the past couple of days is that he was getting back to the hotel when i had already went to bed. which probably wasnt that complicated considering that he was in a state that is 3 hours before our time. so that i do believe. but i am wondering what the reason is that he isnt online now like he said that he would be. i dont know. i have already made a deal with myself that i will stay online and available so that he would be able to see me until 10pm, and then if he isnt on by then, i am signing out and going to bed. i will probably check my email tomorrow morning early before i go to work to see if there is any messages. and see what happens from there. this is annoying me and upsetting me though. because i was so sure that i would be going out that i made plans, made sure that my husband would be home to watch the kids, and i also told my best friend all about it, so that if anything happened she would know and also to call and check up on me tomorrow while i was out. and now i am just up in the air not knowing what is going on. and it is driving me absoluetly crazy that is the only way that i can describe how i am feeling right now. because i hate not knowing what is happening i like having everything planned. well, whatever though. he is losing out and then it will give me one less thing to worry about like i was worrying about everything. he might not have been online since yesterday though because when i looked on his myspace account, he hasnt logged in since yesterday, and normally i have been noticing that he logs in everyday. i am just upset about this, it just seems like i cant depend on anything in my life going smoothly. and you know, i was actually thinking last night that i should like get his phone number or something like that just in case something like this happened, like he couldnt call me because his internet connection went out, which i think that it did one day last week, or something like that. but i figured that i could get that today when we chatted. well, he only has another hour and 15 minutes, and then i am going to log off. i am definetly not going to stay online all night trying to see if he is going to show up. i take all of that back right now, i think that he just came online lets see.....he just came online and said hi, i asked him if anything was up, like.....why werent u on at 8pm, but i didnt say that he responded back and gave no reason, just said that he is here. whatever. so as of right now he is definetly not seeming like mister dependable or punctual that is for sure. so right now, my loser alert is blinking. and lord knows, that i have enough losers that i have to deal with and have dealt with. i dont need another one to deal with. and when i asked him if tomorrow night was okay, he said that it looked okay right now, and for the time he said that he didnt see why not. those just dont sound that definite. well, i guess that we will wait and see.