The Usual No Message Call

well luckily something told me to take my phone off ring and to put it on vibrate last night before i fell asleep, and when i woke up this morning there was a missed call on my phone with no voice mail. yep, you guessed it, it was from HIM. he called at 12:10am this morning. didnt leave a message though, i guess that it got to my voice mail and then he hung up. so the guess would be that if he called that late, he was drunk again. why cant he call me when he is sober? who knows. its probably a good thing that i didnt get the call because i am sure that he just would have had things to tell me while he was drunk that wouldnt have made me happy. and to top it all, i have been having really strange dreams, the other night i dreamt that me and him had a kid together and that we were discussing that he was bringing the kid back down here to me and i was happy that i was going to be seeing him. and then this morning before i became fully awake, i was thinking that he was laying next to me. i really wish that he would just get out of my head. this is getting pretty bad. i was so sure that i would be doing better by now, but probably because of the way that i am treated, i cant help but think back and wish for times when i was treated better. who knows, i am sure that is what my therapist would say. part of me wants to call him and tell him that i got the missed call, and talk to him. but the other part of me knows that there would be no point to that, because it isnt like he was calling me for an important reason. if he was, he would have left a message. i dont know, i hate these feelings.