"This Is How You Remind Me Of What I Really Am"

from "How You Remind Me" sung by Nickelback

i know that i havent updated this in a while. i have just been tired when i am coming home from work every night, and nothing really new and interesting has been going. my therapist was trying to analyze why my husband might be upset about me going on vacation out of state in june, and her theory was that he doesnt feel secure with me because he doesnt know that i really love him and he also doesnt know that i wouldnt cheat on him. well, gee i wonder why he doesnt know those things. so yeah. anyway. the job is okay, busy, but i am treated well, so i like that. it makes up for being so busy. i feel very respected here, which is a big deal for me. that and the location is good and the money is better, so that is good. my mom is getting on me about my son again, about saying that he has certain disabilities, mind you no one has ever said this but her. and he is still young, he will be 3 in a couple of weeks. who knows. i told her that he is still to young and that i wasnt going to pursue this until he got older, if he was still showing the same things that she claimed that she was seeing. that hasnt really gotten her off my back though, unforunately.

HE is always on my mind, which is really starting to upset me again, because just as i start to get better something happens to set me off again. i would consider changing my phone number just so that he cant call me anymore, but that is to much of a big deal, so many people have my number i have had the same number for about 2 to 3 years. so i dont want to do that. i dont know. it is like everytime my phone rings, in the split second before it clicks that it is someone else (because i have certain rings on my cell for certain people), i always think/wish? that it is him. that is horrible. i need to stop.

my husband is okay i guess he still has his times where he just gets in a really foul mood, and snaps at everyone. about the him getting the second job, he still hasnt heard anything back from the one that he was waiting for a response on, so maybe that means that he didnt get it. i really hope not, i really want him to get the other one so he can give me more time to me. also we reallllyyyyy need the money. with the job that he has he can just barely pay the rent, and nothing left for like groceries or anything else, which i need help with because i cant do it by myself. so i am still hoping on that.