well he still hasnt heard if he got the job that he was waiting on the response from yet. now he is claiming that they just told him that there was a background check that would be done, and he of course isnt sure if they will not hire him because of something from 10 years ago that will show up. so that is wonderful. there goes my hopes of having him out of the house for another extra couple of hours a day, well i shouldnt be so negative. maybe he will still get it. i hope so, not even for the him being out of the house, but also for the extra money that we need. (even though i am sure that i will barely see any of it, i am just hoping for money for groceries). he upset me again today, it seems like it is daily thing now, because i was getting upset about my car, and thinking that there was something really serious wrong with it. so i freaked out of course, about the money to fix it. and instead of saying something like, oh well lets see whats wrong well work it out or anything like that, instead he says oh well it is your problem, it isnt my car. so i of course got furious with him. it turns out it is probably nothing serious, knock on wood, but the point remains that it seems that at times when i need his support he isnt there to give it.
my job seems to be going well at this time, i really feel like i have a better grasp on what it is that i need to do, and how i need to handle everything. i also know that i definetly have a better grasp on the way that the systems work, which is a very good thing. i am not lost anymore. which is very good.
you know, regarding HIM, i wonder if he thinks about me and everything in the past as much as i think about him and everything. i can say that when i at work i dont really think about him, because i am so busy that i cant really think about anyone. but outside of work, he is never that far from my thoughts. obviously when he is drunk and calling me he is thinking about me, but i have to wonder if when he is sober he thinks about me too. probably not, he is probably to busy with his girlfriend, who he has now been with for about 5-6 months. because he hooked up with her not even 3 days after he left/broke up/abandoned (whatever you want to call it) with me. yes i am probably very pathetic because it has been so long and i still think about him a lot, but maybe it is mostly because i am thinking of the good times that were had, and not that i am mostly missing him. i dont know, i do know that i wish i didnt think of him so much or at all. i just wish that i could get him out of my head, and pretend that the year and three months that we were together and lived together didnt exist. but even if it didnt exist for me, my children especially my daughter would still remember. because every once in a while, she will make a comment about him. and then she will remind me again too. i just cant win.
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