Useless Dreams

my husband somehow, through some miracle was able to come up with the whole amount of the rent and left me with not having to pay any of it. so i have all the money for the rent, and dont have to worry about adding any money to it at all. the only thing that i had to pay myself was one week of his share of the groceries, which i am not thrilled about, but at least i dont have to worry about paying a portion of the rent too along with that. i was planning on paying the groceries and about 100-200 dollars towards the rent so at least i dont have to do that this time. at the last minute he was able to come up with like an extra 125 dollars towards the rent. he is good, what can i say, he has done this many times. where you dont think that he will have the money for the rent, and then he comes up with it out of nowhere. it is amazing. so i am looking at my calendar, and thinking to myself, this pays us for the month of august, and then all that leaves is sept and oct, and then if i was leaving or we were leaving the month of november is already paid through the last month of the lease and that would be it. but with the happiness that comes with thinking that, comes reality smacking me in the head and saying that where am i going to go and what would i do. i cant pay all the bills even with cutting some of them down as much as possible along with paying rent too. i just cant do it no matter how much i want too unfortunately. what would probably be the best thing for me to do would be to just get a place to live on my own, but financially i cant do that. i just have to many bills, i cant even say it is because i dont make enough because i do pretty well at work, it is just that i have too many things to pay. and then of course the other stupid idea that runs through my head sometimes of calling HIM and telling him about having almost enough money for first last and security and telling him about all of that goes out of my head just as soon as it goes back in, because i havent heard from him in so long, what is on his profile about being in a long term relationship and also him always saying that he misses and loves me but never always saying that he couldnt be with me again. so all of this is just useless dreams that dont seem like they will ever come true, and is something that just cant be achieved.