Stabbed Straight Through The Heart

i really feel like i have been stabbed straight through the heart. last night i was on the internet and was just surfing around. and i checked out my profile on a certain website, and i updated it. while i was there, i dont know why, i decided to look at HIS profile and see if he had updated it too. and what i saw on there just felt like someone took my heart, stabbed, and then ripped it out of my chest and squeezed it as hard as they could. that is really what it felt like. my heart literally hurt, and it still hurts now just thinking about it. because what i was used to seeing on there where it says Marital status is no answer which is exactly what mine says, and which is what his ever since me and him split was that. but no it said Long-term Relationship. and it said the last update was 06/20/06 which means that on that date he went and changed it or updated it and either added that or left that on there from the last time that i had seen it. so basically what all of this translates into is that i am right now a combination of pissed off at him and so depressed and upset with him. i really have to wonder why the hell is calling me and telling me these things when he seems to be in this kind of a relationship with her? he updated this on 6/20 saying that he is in a long term relationship (which has to be with her because it isnt with me) and 6/29 he told me that he loved me twice and that he misses me. and then he calls me 3 times on 6/30 but doesnt get to talk to me. then he calls me again on 7/1 because he doesnt feel good, and is talking about how i used to take such good care of him and also how are sex was when he was sick. and then he calls me again on 7/5. so does all this sound like someone who is a long term relationship? no, it doesnt. so why the hell is he doing this to us? and i mean us by me and the girl. not that i feel sorry for her ass, that is for sure, but he is majorly screwing with me, whether on purpose or not. and he is definetly not being up front with her that is for sure. i am sure that if she knew about all the calls and the content of them, that she would flip. that and the fact that he cheated on her too. i know that i would flip from even knowing some of that, never mind all. i was considering sending him an angry and upset email after seeing that of even calling him and telling him how i felt but why bother. it is obvious to me, as it has been for a while that he is a very confused man. and doesnt know what he wants. so i really dont know anymore. what i do know is that i am very upset about all of this, and i have been really wanting to do something that i havent wanted to do in a while, just so that it will make me feel better. but it probably wont, i really dont know what will anymore, this just has me really depressed.

on another interesting hand, my anniversary of four years is tomorrow, and my husband wasnt to smart last night by saying what a minute how have we been married 4 years and our son is 3 years old, so i said because our son is almost 3 years and 3 months old, and i got pregnant a week after we got married. so supposedly he said that he is going to get me cards and a flower and also we are going to go out to dinner. so we will see that will be nice if it all happens. he is already saying that he doesnt feel well and he feels sick, so we will see if he doesnt try to use that as an excuse or whine about it.