Can't We Just Forget About It

even though i may try as hard as i can i just cant forget about HIM. and it isnt even that there are stupid little things that remind me of him everywhere. no, it is that other people have to bring HIM up to me too. like my dad for example. at my daughters birthday party, of all places, which is supposed to be a happy occasion, he brings him up and then starts asking me if i have heard from him and if i know how he is doing. so of course i tell him that i havent heard from him in a while, which is a surprise considering how much i was hearing from him last month. but maybe now his life is better, and he isnt as drunk, sick, or depressed as he was last month. because it seems like that is when he calls me. so then my dad of course has to add the famous line that he loves to say about him, you know i really liked him. and my dad has never said that about anybody that i have dated, lived with, married etc. everyone else was always tolerated, and for my dad to say this about HIM even considering how he screwed me over, left me, then screwed me (literally) and left me again that is saying a lot. and then thank god he finally dropped it, because i was getting ready to cry. and then not that many days later, my daughter had to start on me, naming all of the things that he had done for her, what he had bought her, how he treated her, and if i missed him because she really missed him and the life that we had with him. and she was asking again why he left, so i told her the same line that i have been telling her and frankie which is that he wanted to be near his mom, and then i said that he wasnt coming back. hoping that she would then drop it. but she wouldnt. and it was/is killing me more and more. because when he left he didnt damage and hurt only me, he did it to my kids too. my daughter has lived with so many different male figures in the same house with her, that it is amazing that she isnt really screwed up in the head. she has lived with her father, then my husband, then her father again, then HIM, and now my husband again. poor kid. thankfully my son doesnt really remember any of that anymore, because he was so young. i dont think that he even really remembers HIM anymore, because he doesnt even mention him. i just wish that people would stop bringing him up, it isnt helping me to keep talking about him. it just makes it worse, and makes me feel even more depressed and upset and sets me back more. i dont want to remember how he spent all the money that he had at the time to buy my daughter the special toy that she wanted for her birthday, or how he would watch the kids when i went somewhere, and actually insisted on doing that so i could have sometime to myself. or how he treated my kids so well like they were his. or how on several drunk occasions of his he asked me to marry him, and then on sober occasions he would hint at it. remembering all that doesnt help. what i need to remember is the times when he would get drunk (like every night) and throw up in the toilet sometimes, which was disgusting, or have friends over and then pass out and leave me to deal with everything. or losing his temper on the night that we were supposed to celebrate our one year anniversary and kick the wall and almost break his toe. or when he peed somewhere that wasnt the toilet bowl, which was disgusting. or how he left promising that he would come back, and just never did and left me to pick up the pieces. yeah, good luck to me to only remember the bad when all i am reminded of is the good.