More Of My Life Sucks

well, surprise surprise, my husband still doesnt have another job yet, and he is just working at the one that he has so far for like 20 or 25 hours a week or so, which is not paying the bills. so more surprises, he isnt going to have all the money to pay the rent by the 1st. and even more surprises, i am going to have come with the money that he is going to be short, or we wont have a house to live in. and there goes some of the money that i was supposed to be trying to save in case anything happened, like what is always in the back of mind as the inevitable which is that we get evicted. i have myself in the perfect position, i cant afford to have an apartment by myself, and my husband is draining all my money because he doesnt pay all of his share of the bills, just enough so that in the back of mind i dont really think that it would be worth it to kick his butt out or leave him. plus i dont have anything better out there waiting for me either. at least not that i know of at this point. my daughter had a nice time at her party, which makes me very happy, however, two of my "friends" (not that i think that they are anymore) didnt bother to show up with their kids like they had told me that they would, no call or nothing. what pieces of garbage they are in my opinion at this point. so that made me unhappy. thankfully, my sister in law and her son, and one of my friends from work with her two kids showed up, so at least their were some kids at her party. but that still makes me so unhappy, how crappy is that, they didnt even call or anything. that just shows who my true friends are, and it isnt them that is for sure. not that i really considered them really good friends, cause i didnt, but they were like distance friends that you contact parties and to chat every once in a while. which is something that i wont be doing after this now. and of course at the party today, my dad had to bring HIM up. i dont know how the subject got started but it was on his end, and there we went. he said that he really liked him, and if i had heard from him. so i said that i didnt, and that the last time that i heard from him was like july 1st, but that was actually not correct, it was actually earlier then that it was on june 30th. which now that i think about it, it has been almost a month. which is odd considering that he was calling me all the time for a while there. i looked at his profile and it was updated on 7/22 so that definetly means that he is still alive, and the long term relationship thing is still on there. bastard. stupid me, i considered for a split second calling him and telling him that i was close to having enough to put down an apartment and if he would move in with him. yeah i know, it was a stupid moment. like HE would really want to do that. i am just so upset with him right now, i really dont know what i would say if he called. i would probably just tell him to talk to the person that HE is in his long term relationship with, and not me. my trip to the specialists office was really fun on friday, i had a very uncomfortable procedure done, was told needed to go for more testing, and also was given a medication "to see how it works" that if i am put on for maintenance is a very expensive medication. well, it isnt horribly expensive, but for my budget at this moment everything is. and then i have to go back to the doctors in a month to followup after everything is done. so this is wonderful. i am going to have to try to get more time off work, which i am sure that my job is going to love. so lets see how well that works. and then god knows how much this test is going to be, i havent been able to find out yet. so long story short, as you can see. i am just getting more and more depressed and frustrated with everything. its like i am on a merry go round and have no way of getting off. i feel like i have no options, and i just have to keep trying to do everything that i am. i am just so miserable. and you would think that after all this with my husband that he would be nicer to me. well he isnt treating me better that is for sure, now he is just testier and more of a jerk instead. and he expects me to help him pay his share of the bills, he even made a comment when i said how are you going to be able to pay your bills this month now, and he said well i guess that you are just going to have to help me huh? i looked him and i think that i said, yeah right, but that is what i am going to have to end up doing. because if he is short like 100-200 short on the bills plus the grocery money, what am i going to do, get evicted just for that little amount of money? no, i would just rather pay it instead. it is just easier. we will see exactly how much he ends up being short though. and then the money that i have to pay for the bills and the groeceries will just come out of the money that i was trying to save. wonderful.