Happy Fourth Of July, Here Comes The Memories

okay, so happy fourth of july, and here comes all the memories to go along with it. today exactly two years ago, was the first time that i met HIM. i was invited to a fourth of july party given by a friend of mine at work, and i went to it, and he was there because he was her best friend. and that was how we met, and then 10 days later through her again we went out one night as a group and me and him ended up hooking up. and ever since then we were together for the next one year and three months after that. so today was the fateful day of how i met him. so very big trip down memory lane today for me. and to make it even worse, ever since the night that he wasnt feeling well, and we were talking for a while and i was concerned and making sure that he was okay, i havent spoken with him since. and i wasnt feeling good at that time either, but he hasnt called me since. so i guess he doesnt care how i am feeling, i guess as long as he is feeling okay. what a bum. (that is putting it nicely). it is just upsetting. the 14th of this month would have been the two year anniversary of us being together. if we had stayed together. i really dont think that he is happy where he is, he was telling me that his job stinks and he hates it, he has no friends there, the friends that he thought that he had were just using him, and the best friend that he had (who is the one that i met him through, who lives down here) is getting married so she doesnt really pay attention to him anymore. i dont know everytime that i talk to him he just sounds so unhappy. i just cant believe that i havent talked to him ever since he was sick and i was comforting him. talk about using. he just wanted someone to talk to and no one else was available so i guess that is why he wanted to talk to me. whatever. what else is new. i had told him during that conversation that i had given up on me and him being together and that if that wasnt going to happen i just wanted him to be happy. i also remember that i said that i wasnt feeling good and he had asked if i was pregnant, and i asked him why it would matter to him anyway, and he wouldnt answer that he just kept asking me. i of course finally told him no, but still why does he even care? i also remember that the kids were still awake in the beginning of the conversation and he heard them and said something about how big that they were getting, i forgot what i had said and then he said forget it or something like that, i hurt them enough already. at least he realizes what he has done i guess. and it must be haunting him for him to keep mentioning something about it. he asked me in a conversation if the kids still talk about him, so i told him the truth that my son doesnt really ask about him, but that my daughter who is the older one remembers him and asks about him a lot. i dont think that my son remembers him anymore. which is good, because he is out of their lives. so anyway that i think that i have done enough ranting. i guess.

to make it this month even more interesting, me and my husbands anniversary is on the 11th (which just so happens to be 3 days before the day that me and HIM got together and was our anniversary). it is going to be our four year anniversary. then on the 15th its my mothers birthday, then on the 25th it is my daughters birthday. so july is a very busy month for me, and an emotional month too. my son has been making potty training advances, which is good. hopefully he will keep up the good work, he is thankfully heading in the right direction. i am still not feeling 100% better, i would say that i am feeling maybe 50%-75% better. i still have this one issue that bugs me at times, and then now the doctor thinks that i have a virus on top of that, which is why the 2 antibiotics that i am on right now arent working. so that is wonderful. i am trying to kick it, and sometimes i really feel good and then other times ugh. today i had off from work, so i slept until about 9:45am which was good. and then i didnt do much today, and i stayed home until after 3pm. so i feel that i got as much rest today as i possibly could. i hope that i get through the rest of the week okay, i have 3 more days to go now before i have the weekend off. hopefully i can get through those three days. i cant miss any work, and if i feel up to it i would like to get some overtime tomorrow, because i wont be able to stay any other night this week. so we will see it depends on how late my managers stay there, i can only stay as late as them. so far this week i dont have any overtime because the hour extra i came in on monday balanced with the hour earlier that i left that day to go to the doctor. but that is good that i didnt lose any money too. i have been getting really depressed and upset about not feeling well, i mean honestly, like i dont have enough to worry about or be upset about, i also have the fact that i havent felt well in well over a month with one thing or another. everything is just upsetting for me right now, i was sobbing sunday night that was how bad and hopeless that i felt at that moment. i have so much right now that i am upset about, my husband said that i need to see a therapist again. i guess he is thinking that without the medicine and seeing the therapist i am not handling everything as well as i used to. i dont know. i am just trying to handle everything in my own way. if i felt all better, it would definetly help improve my mood. that is for sure.