The Phone Call The Day After

i got the phone call that i thought that i was going to get on the actual day of fourth of july technically the day after the 4th, because it was at 1:49am late in the night on the fourth/early in the morning on the fifth. so he did call. i am sure that he was highly drunk, i wonder if he was going down memory lane just like i was yesterday, thinking of all the memories, and everything happened the first month of july that we were together. it was a good month, and he really courted me and treated me like a princess. it was really nice for a long time with us, we hardly ever fought and when we did it wasnt really a big deal, but then towards the end it got worse. i guess i should feel better that i am not the only one that regrets a lot of what happened or thinks about it a lot because from the comments that he has been making lately, he must feel the same way. and he never seems happy. but he doesnt change anything in his life to make himself happy, go figure. i know that i made him happy, and he was happy with me. i never will question that. all i know is that in order for me to be with him and change me and my childrens life again, it would definetly take a lot of thought. that is not something like before where i always said that if he said that he wanted to get back together, i would do it without hesitation. now there would definetly be hesitation with it. if i did at all. i really dont know. i know that part of me still loves him, and feels sorry for everything and just want to take care of him and make everything better for him, but then i will be completely changing the life again that i worked so hard to rebuild for me and my children. but listen to me going on like that is even something that i would ever be given the option to do, it isnt. because he has always made it painfully clear that no matter how much he misses me or loves me he isnt willing to change anything to do anything about it. so that is that.

well thankfully i felt okay enough today that i made it through work and even got there an hour earlier and stayed 15 minutes later. i felt okay enough to stay more but i couldnt because everyone else left on time. oh well, that is fine. i am happy just getting what i can, any extra pay that i can get is fine with me.