"So Much For My Happy Ending"

from "My Happy Ending" sung by Avril Levigne

well, my dumb husband has somehow managed to piss off the manager at the one remaining job that he has left right now, which doesnt even completely pay our bills, and claims that he got sent home early from work yesterday because of the attitude that he doesnt have. yeah right, i know him well enough to know that he had an attitude. so lets see how long this job lasts, because he is already saying things like he doesnt know if he will be staying there, and that he doesnt want to hear her mouth anymore and things like that, so that just doesnt sound like it will work out very well. what else is new. something that is new that has been going on for several weeks now is that he has been staying up at night, watching tv in the living room, and then falling asleep on the couch, and never being bed with me or sleeping next to me. sex is non existent. he doesnt even touch me, he is full of the words i love you, but what else is new, he doesnt show it to me, it is just words. i took my kids to a birthday party of someone that i work with's child, and it was at a bowling alley. and i went there with both of my kids, and i was trying to help my son bowl, and they had a dj who said that this song was dedicated from somone. and it was one of those songs about finally finding someone that you truly loved that felt the same way about you. and i was so close to crying when i heard that song, because that isnt something that i have, at all. and i honestly dont know if i will ever have that. i am so miserable and upset that isnt even funny. i can honestly say that i dont love my husband, and i really dont think that he loves me. i had to have an ultrasound done of some organs, because the doctor wanted to make sure that they were okay because of all the issues that i am having, and i was thinking with all the stuff that has been going on lately, what if there is like a tumor there or something, i am sure that is like what he is looking for. and when i told my husband that he said that well you would just have to try to fight it and survive. but i really dont care about fighting back anymore, i am just so tired of fighting. if it happens, it happens. i still havent heard from HIM of course, everything must be going good with HIM and his long term relationship girlfriend. i know that he is definetly alive and okay, because just reposted his profile on the 5th, with a new picture of himself all dressed up wearing a tie and smiling, and of course it still says on there in a long term relationship. so obviously he has forgotten about me, so i should do the same. i think that i dont really actually miss HIM, i think that i really miss how things were in the beginning and the middle of our relationship, how we were so good together, so in love, and so happy. i cant really remember being that happy other then that. isnt it funny though, he is the one that decided to never come back, and he is happy now. and i am the one that got left, and did some of this to myself, and i am the miserable depressed one. go figure. guess whatever issues that he was going through in june he is over now. i dont want to talk about it anymore, i am just making myself worse.