Sooooo Scared Right Now And Upset

lets not forget upset. i am just so scared and upset right now that it isnt even funny. my stupid husband was supposed to give me 200 dollars out of his paycheck this week to save for the rent so that he might have just enough for it, if he doesnt have to pay for my sons daycare the rest of this month, and what does he do. he only gives me 100 and says that his paycheck was only 180 and that he had to give the other 80 to someone that he owed money too, which is the same thing that he told me 2 weeks ago when he got rid of like another 60 dollars. which i am sure that is total bull you know what, i just hope that he isnt getting into what he was into before, that is the major thing that i am scared of. i am just so unhappy with him, and the thing that is stopping me from just being done with this and getting him out is that i cant financially do it alone. if i knew that he was going to give me over 600 dollars in child support per month like he would have to with the salary that he would make 10 an hour, and the 250 for daycare for my son, then i would be able to do it. but i cant count on that, because look at how good he is and has always been about paying things that he has to. the only thing that i can count on is getting 250 dollars from my daughters father for child support and that doesnt really help out much towards a 950 dollar a month rent (which it is not going to be in a few months, supposedly they are supposed to be raising the rent.) another thing that i still cant seem to get over is HIM, of course now that everything is good with him, i am not hearing from him. and i am sure that i wont ever again, as long as things keep going good. the end of this month will make 2 months since i have spoken with him, and then the beginning of next month will make 2 months since he has even called me. so that is a really long time considering. i was thinking that maybe i need to get a man on the side, but there really isnt much point in that, what type of relationship or man could i have if they know (because i would be honest with them) that i still am living with my husband. even though it isnt like i have a choice right now, but still. so there probably isnt much of a point in that, i might as well just use my toy, at least it cant talk. the real reason that i have been considering getting a man on the side is because i just want to feel loved which is something that my husband never makes me feel. on a different note, the end of this month makes 3 months that i have (technically) been at my job, and that will make me past my probationary period, and have paid time off and everything else with that. also that makes 5 months that i have actually been (physically) working at my job. i am just so upset right now that i really dont have anything else left to say.