i know that i would not be around right now, the sad part is that isnt even something that i am just guessing i know that is a fact. i had a up and down day today, the up of the day was that i took my kids to the park near our house today, for about an hour and a half, and they had a lot of fun, and then we had chinese delivered for dinner, and my daughter actually kept saying thank you for everything, that she had fun today. (and she is 6, so you can understand why i would be amazed.) the down side of today, was that, as usual there was a million things that reminded me of him, and i thought about him some. then there were new things to worry about and get upset about that popped up today. one of them was that my car did the jerky thing that it did once before when i was driving it, except this time it did it about 3 times. i am thinking (but so desperately hoping that i am wrong) that it is the transmission because it seems like it is getting stuck in one gear and wont get out of it for a minute. i told me ex (my daughters father) that and he said that he doubted it because my car is an 02 (which i of course have to make payments on) but with my luck you never know. then of course there is also that there is a hurricane that is headed in my direction, it has been now downgraded to a tropical storm, but who knows with these stupid things. one minute you are fine, the next minute they are saying that you have like 1-2 days to prepare, and you have to start running around like a crazy person. and then there is the fact that the last time that i heard, the apartment that i am living in now, that my husband can barely make the rent at, is supposed to be raising the rent. the next time that we are supposed to be signing the lease, if we wanted to renew would be the end of november, and they are going to be raising about 100-150 dollars a month more. and i am sure that they are going to be doing it, because they have been remodeling the outside of the apartments by putting a new roof on (not on my building, but on the other one) and also by painting the apartments. so i dont know what to do, it seems that all the other apartments i have been looking at seem like they are pretty expensive too, and then we would have to find one that would except us with the bad credit and with the dog. but on the other hand, i dont really want to sign a lease for another year somewhere where if the rent is raised to that amount, i know that i wouldnt be able to pay that by myself if anything happened. i wouldnt even be able to come close. so that is something that i honestly dont know what to do about right now. and this car thing has me upset too, because if there is something really wrong with it that i am going to have to fix, then no matter how much that it is, i am going to have to fix it, and take that out of the little money that i have remaining in case of emergencies. (translation, for when/and if you know who screws up completely again). so i dont know what to do about that anymore. the sad thing is that the amount that they will be most likely be asking for rent, isnt that different then what most other apartments are asking for, it is about the same. apartments have gone up so much lately, and most apartments are going to condos, there is really no hope for renters who are trying to scrape by on the little amount of money that they make. my daughter has had a loose tooth in her mouth for the longest time that has just been hanging on, and apparently her and my son were playing and he kicked her in the mouth, and knocked most of the tooth out. so she runs into my room this morning when i was still sleeping, screaming that my son knocked her tooth out, and she is bleeding away. so i had to pull the tooth completely out, because it was hanging, and let her try to stop the blood. so anyway after that traumatic experience, she is now missing yet another tooth on the bottom. here is the picture:
that is a close up one so you can see, it is the one on the right side on the bottom.
here is another one of her looking cute:
isnt she cute?
on a different note, i just found out last night that my husband is going to have off friday night from work. that is something that hasnt occured ever since he has started this job, because friday, saturday and sunday nights are there busiest nights. so i decided to try to take advantage of that fact, because i have been whining about not being able to go out or do anything, and i called up my friend who watches the kids overnight for me once every few months so that i can go somewhere. and i asked her about friday night, she said that she would let me know tomorrow because she had to check her schedule. here is hoping, i really do want to go out. the only thing that stinks is that my husband wont have any money, because he will be using all his money to pay the rent, i hope, which isnt a bad thing i suppose. so everything that we do, including the money that i give my friend right in the beginning for putting up with my kids for the hours that she does, will be paid for by me. but who knows, even though it will be all at my expense and is probably not money that i should even be spending, maybe it will be what me and my husband need. i dont know. i havent even said anything to him yet, because i dont want to ruin it or him to get upset if it doesnt happen. i will see what she says tomorrow. i really hope that she can, it being a lot of money or not. i know that i need a night of going out.
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