well i got the phone call that i was expecting to get at some point again last night (or early this morning depending on how you look at it). the call was last night (or early this morning) at 12:54am. so it was around the same usual time that it is, and it was on a saturday night which it always is either a friday or saturday night. and, also as usual, there was no message on my voice mail. just i guess let it ring and then when it went to my voice mail he hung up. i wonder why HE even calls me at night that late, why does he even bother? doesnt he know that i will be sleeping? he is probably so drunk that he doesnt even realize anything. it seems that he calls me every month, the time before this was about april 8th, and then i think that the time before that was march 4th. so the patterm seems to be about a every month. but the weird thing is that he never leaves a message so i guess either he doesnt want me to call him back or know that he is calling. i dont know. what is even the point in him calling me? i miss him sometimes though. i was going to say that i wish i would be able to talk to him, but i can very easily talk to him, if i call him, but yet i dont.
i had a very interesting and weird dream last night, i dreamt about me and my husband having sex, which is very odd because i havent dreamt like that about him since i cant even remember when. i remember that the sex was good and also i remember at some point after that being pregnant and getting ready to have a baby. so what does that mean? does that mean that is whats going to happen or what i want to happen? or is it that i want it to happen with someone else? at many different points in my relationship i wanted to have a baby with HIM and almost did, but fate lead otherwise. so what does all this mean? i am probably just being stupid even trying to figure everything out. who knows?
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