The Art Of Not Giving A Crap

that story should be written by my husband. to let you know what has been bugging me so much that i have to write about it here. i had a very uncomfortable illness that occured suddenly, so i wanted to go to the urgent care center after i got off work last night. so when i told my husband that, he didnt want me to go, because he was supposed to be riding his bike. so i quite generously said that i would give up my day at the gym the next day so that he could go for a long bike ride then. he was still not happy with that. so i of course had to go the doctors, and he spent the whole night being upset with me. and then today, which was supposed to be my gym night i didnt go to the gym, and instead stayed home just for him to literally go for a bike ride for 5 minutes. can you believe it!!!??? all that for a five minute bike ride. i just cant stand how selfish he is, i even said like what if it was you that had this, this, and this symptom and described them for him, and his answer was, well i dont. i am so tempted constantly just to run away from all this, and not come back. i really dont want to come back to any of this, i dont want to deal with this. him constantly being short on the bills every month, me always having to worry about paying everything when he works too, and having to hear him complaining about everything. i hate it. i was actually listening to a song today about how someone died and the wife was devasted that he had died, and it occured to me that i wouldnt be devasted that he had died because i would miss him, i would just be upset because i would now have to figure out how to pay for everything on my own. isnt that horrible? i really dont think that i love him. why am i with him anyway? i dont know, the only reason that i know of is financially. i cant do it on my own. that is all.

i did get good news today, everything went okay with me getting hired with my job and as of tuesday i will be officially there employee. that is a huge weight off, and makes me very happy. i think that i needed that piece of good news to make me feel better about everything.