What Is On My Mind

here is a short blog on what is really weighing on my mind right now. it could be a lot longer because i have a lot on my mind right now, but i am going to dedicate this blog to what is on my mind the most right now. and that is something that i have been dealing with on and off for over 5 years now. it is addiction. it is being so addicted and wanting something so bad that you would do anything to get it. including pawning electronics, borrowing money from relatives and then never giving it back to them, lying about everything, stealing money from your spouses wallet, you get the picture. most recently imagine being over 400.00 dollars short on your rent, pawning your wedding ring (and never getting it back from the shop), lying to your spouse about all of this, or trying to until you get busted. now imagine that after all of this, and being short that much on your rent that you have to make up for with your next paycheck, imagine that this addiction is so bad, that you are trying your hardest to borrow more money from people and dig yourself deeper and deeper just because you are that addicted and you want it so bad. then imagine that when this person finally refuses you and gets a backbone with it again, you get mad at that person and start yelling and screaming. and then you get so worked up, that you just solve it all by going to sleep. which of course makes the other person relieved that at least they dont have to hear you anymore. think about how horrible that it must be to be addicted to something, to want something so bad that you would do anything for it. and then imagine that persons family, and what they have to cope with because of all of this. and then of course that person doesnt want to get help, because either they wont acknowledge that they have a problem, or they know that they have a problem but dont really care about fixing it. sigh. this is what is on my mind right now.