One Of The Most Interesting Weeks Of My Life

i know that i havent written in a while, and this is probably not even going to be a long post, because i am already really tired, and i havent felt like my normal self yesterday and today. i have been sneezing and had a runny nose, and have also felt like i had a stuffy head. so i am thinking that i probably have what everyone else had work, i am hoping that i dont though because it seems like it can get really bad from what everyone was telling me, a couple people even got bronchitis, i dont know if it was from that or not. but still. i dont need this, i really hope that i get better and also that i dont get any worse. i have plans for tomorrow night too, that cant be broken (at least by me) so i really hope that i start to feel better and quickly too, by tomorrow. but more about my plans for tomorrow night in a little bit. i am trying to think of where to start from the last time that i updated this, because i know that it has been a little while. lets see, okay here goes. the rent got paid thanks to his daddy, and know he is supposed to be paying him back by the end of next month, which i honestly have no idea how he is going to be able to do that, because it seems like all of the money that he gets he still blows away, and it is already the 15th and he has no money saved so far for the next months rent due on the 1st. the one friend of mine who was complaining about what my husband supposedly did to her car, seems like she is over that now. of course i had asked her to watch my kids for me on thursday, so first she said that she would call me on wednesday so she called me, i called her back, and she said that she was busy, and if she could call me back in a little bit. she didnt call me back that night, instead she called me back on thursday night at 11:55pm (good thing that i didnt actually need her to watch the kids that night after all) saying that she was sorry, she got distracted or forgot something like that. so anyway, i guess that is nothing new though, she has never really been miss dependable. and then the other friend that was supposed to be coming over to spend sometime and get the clothes that i had for her, never did come didnt even bother to call and let me know what was going on or if she could come, and i havent heard from her since. which i guess isnt that surprising, because that is how she can be at times. so okay, that is that. on saturday night, i was talking to this guy online who i have been talking to for about the past 6 months or so already, never met him or anything like that. to be honest never really thought that much of it, because number 1 he is 10 years older then me, and then for a few other reasons too. so anyway, i decided to meet him on sunday night, the main reason being that he is going to be moving from where he is staying now, which is a temporary situation of living with his parents. until he gets back on his feet. and he is looking for a roommate someone to help him with the bills. he knows my situation, knows that i want out, knows all of that. and i even told him about my finances, and everything else. so anyway, he was saying that either he would get a house here, and i should only have to pay 300.00 a month total to help him completely with everything, or he would get an apartment in an area that is a few hours away because of a job that he applied for, he is waiting for the response from that the end of this month. so anyway, the main reason that i wanted to meet him started out being that i was really considering this moving in with him thing, and wanted to meet him, see what i thought, see how we hit it off, etc. because i am not dumb enough to think that if we moved in together that it would just be friends, because he has always not made it a secret that he wants to be more then friends, and have a relationship that sort of thing. so anyway, we met on sunday night, and it was pretty good actually. we hit it off pretty well, got a long really good, he isnt drop dead gorgeous looking with a great body, but then again neither am i. he is fairly attractive looking though. he is very tall, 6'2, which is nice cause i am 5"7.5, and i cant stand being with something that is the same height as me or shorter. or even only an inch more then me, i cant stand it. so okay, anyway, we met at mcdonalds first, sat there and talked for a little while, then we went to the movies, and then when we got out of there, we actually just stood in the parking lot and talked for like at least an hour. we get along really well, no awkward silences or really nervousness or anything. which is very good, maybe because we have been chatting online for so long who knows. so anyway, we went out sunday night, and then we went out again wednesday night. it was also nice again, we went to the mall, and then we went to eat dinner. he had to go home pretty early though, because he had to get up for work the next morning at 3:30am. cause he had to be at work at 5am. so we had to not stay out that late at all, i think i was home at like 10:30pm? but it was still nice, and i had a good time. we are supposed to be doing something special tomorrow night, and that was why i was saying that i cant cancel. the end of this week, he is going to find out if he is getting the job and will have to move out of area. it will be a few hours north of me, and if he gets the job he will probably have to start and therefore of course move rather quickly. which would then translate into i would have to move rather quickly with him, because i really want to do this. okay some may say that i am crazy, to be wanting to do this, but i really do. i want out of this situation, i have to get out. i cant handle this anymore, wondering what will happen, if i will have a house in a few weeks for me and my kids to live in, and then for him to treat the way that he does almost all of the time, like he doesnt give a crap about me and isnt married to me. i want to feel loved, appreciated, taken care of, and also for someone to be able to hold down their end of responsibilties. and that is something it seems that he has never been able to do. and so far from what i have seen (and talking to him for the past 6 months) he seems to be a good guy, is very caring, will take care of you, is willing to accept my kids, even though he hasnt met them yet, so hopefully that wont be a factor for him to want to run once he mets them, especially with the way that my son has been acting lately, he hasnt been lisitening to shit. but anyway. he also seems to be at the same point in his life that i am on, wants marriage (or at least a long term relationship) wants kids when the timing is right, wants just to settle down and be with someone long term. which is something that i wasnt able to find, even if it looked like that was what it was, it wasnt. he also understands all of my situation and knows everything about it, he wants me to get a divorce as soon as i move out, which i said that as long as i had the money, or as soon as i did i would because there is no point in being married to him anymore, if i am moving out and leaving him. he also said that he was falling in love with me (this was last night) and asked if i loved him, i answered that i could feel myself falling for him too, which i could, i just am so scared to let myself feel that much, cause i am scared. so so scared. of being hurt, of things not working out, of getting screwed again. of so much. the things that keeps impressing me about him, is things that he says and the way that he acts. i mentioned about having a possible money issue with something if we moved to a place a few hours away, with having to pay a lot more for daycare, and he said that wouldnt only be my problem it would be his problem too, because when people are together they deal with things together. which i was really impressed with because i have never heard that from my husband, at least not for several years, and definetly not from anyone else that i have been with. so that was one thing. and he acts like he really cares, and is concerned about you. not just that you are someone that he just sees. he acts like he really wants to see you and be with you, and that he misses you when you arent around or he isnt talking to you. i am really liking him which i suppose is what is making me scared too. what is nice is that i really like being with him, i am not annoyed with him cause he doesnt speak english, and my friend isnt translating, i am not annoyed with him because he is just acting dumb, and immature, and is the same height as me, which i cant stand. and also that he doesnt say dumb things that he things are funny just to say them. i really enjoy being with him and look forward to it. which must be why i am scared of getting my heart broken again.