Today is the real deal. Everything in your life is focused on the moment that is right now.
The opportunities are enormous and the implications profound. The possibilities stretch out in every direction.
Today is a stunningly fertile ground for beauty and creativity. Today brings never before seen opportunities for experience and for life.
Open your eyes to the magnificence of this day. Open your heart to the incredible possibilities for expressing life in this moment.
Go beyond merely wondering what it would be like to be fully alive and to touch your most treasured dreams. Today, right now, you can choose to live the reality of your highest values.
This day is as real as it gets, as real as real can be. Live it now, and let it with all the richness and joy you can imagine.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
My Updates
a lot has been going on lately, more drama then i know how to deal with to be honest. i am trying my very hardest to deal with everything that is going on, but it is really hard. i think the only thing that is really keeping me going is my kids, and the fact that i have to try my hardest to stay strong for them. my husband lost his last job the night one, they fired him i think it was on saturday. and that was that, now he is completely unemployed, and has no money all. got a check yesterday from the job that just lost for 370.00, and he only put away 200.00 for the rent. granted he did owe me 60.00 that he gave back to me, but then you still figure that leaves 110.00 unaccounted for. so he could have put that towards the rent too, and he didnt, which by the way is due very soon, by the 1st, and all he has is that 200.00. supposedly he spoke with the property manager who told him that as long as he was making the effort that it wasnt a problem, and that she understood. but i wonder how long that understanding attitude will last, especially being that he is still unemployed completely, and has nothing, not even any real prospects. the pizza place that he worked at before seemed like they wanted him, and now they havent called him back so i guess that they dont who knows. and then in addition to that, i have put an ad in two papers regarding my dog, and trying to find a good home for him, because i am bracing myself for the inevitable, and that is breaking my heart the idea that i am probably going to have to get rid of him, and then i have like a ticking timebomb with that because i told the people that were really interested that i would call them back in a few days, and i dont really want to do it, but i am afraid that if i dont, i wont be able to find him a good home and it will be too late. and then i had to mention to my husband this morning about taking the ad out about the dog and everything and everything blew up. he has gone from threatening me that he would fight for custody of my son, to asking me not to leave that he loves us and doesnt want to lose us. so he is really i guess just grasping for anything, because he doesnt want me to leave him i suppose i dont know. he was really saying that he loves us and to give him a chance to make everything right. we have been going into it all night, and i have been crying a lot i just feel so strung out and depressed it is horrible, honestly if it wasnt for my kids right now, i dont know what i would do. and he seemed serious about fighting me for custody of my son, saying that he was going to bring up things from my past, but then again, i guess that i could do the same thing for him, i would just need proof. which i dont really have. i dont want to do that though, i dont think he is serious about it though, from the way that he is talking, he just keeps saying things. i am so upset right now, i feel like i am going to seriously throw up all over, i am so worked up about this now. he is not really begging, but is crying and saying he loves me he loves the kids not to leave everything will work out, he will make it work, we will have somewhere to live, i cant leave him again he cant deal with it, he cant go through all of that again. i am just so upset and hysterical over all of this, i cant believe it, i didnt think that he would react like this, i thought that he would just let it go, instead he is really upset and crying and everything.
i have seen the guy two more times after i posted last, i saw him last saturday and then also last night. he is still wanting to move with me and the kids and everything and get a place. he hasnt heard anything yet about the job that would require relocation to about three hours away, but said that he should be hearing something at some point this week. i am just so unsure about everything, i was so sure that i wanted out of this situation and that i would be with him, and that it would be so much better and i really liked him blah blah, and not that i dont like him, or think that it would be better, i am just so unsure about everything that is going on, and what i am doing, that i just dont know. i really had my mind made up before that this was what i was going to do, and i was going to leave take the kids, and start up a new life. and now i just dont know what to do. me and my decision making skills are all torn up right now. then i talked to my friend, the one that had said that i could stay there in the spare room that she has with the kids, for a few months or so, and give her like 300 or 400 a month, and i talked to her today, and now she is saying that she has someone else that could stay with her and do that if i didnt, and that she needs to know by the end of next week, and that if i tell her no not that time, that she will have someone else staying there instead and that will be it. so talk about putting the pressure on, i mean not that i blame her she has to do what she has to but still. augh. that is all i am going to talk about right now, i have to try to get a little sleep, tonight has been one of the most emotional night that i have had in a really long time, i feel like i got physically and mentally run over a few times by a truck i am so emotionally drained.
i have seen the guy two more times after i posted last, i saw him last saturday and then also last night. he is still wanting to move with me and the kids and everything and get a place. he hasnt heard anything yet about the job that would require relocation to about three hours away, but said that he should be hearing something at some point this week. i am just so unsure about everything, i was so sure that i wanted out of this situation and that i would be with him, and that it would be so much better and i really liked him blah blah, and not that i dont like him, or think that it would be better, i am just so unsure about everything that is going on, and what i am doing, that i just dont know. i really had my mind made up before that this was what i was going to do, and i was going to leave take the kids, and start up a new life. and now i just dont know what to do. me and my decision making skills are all torn up right now. then i talked to my friend, the one that had said that i could stay there in the spare room that she has with the kids, for a few months or so, and give her like 300 or 400 a month, and i talked to her today, and now she is saying that she has someone else that could stay with her and do that if i didnt, and that she needs to know by the end of next week, and that if i tell her no not that time, that she will have someone else staying there instead and that will be it. so talk about putting the pressure on, i mean not that i blame her she has to do what she has to but still. augh. that is all i am going to talk about right now, i have to try to get a little sleep, tonight has been one of the most emotional night that i have had in a really long time, i feel like i got physically and mentally run over a few times by a truck i am so emotionally drained.
Friday, June 22, 2007
A Week Later
okay so it is one week later since i have posted here last. not that much has happened that is of too much interest. at least i dont think so. since friday night, i saw him one other time, which was the day after that, saturday night. and it was good, we spent the night together, and it was pretty good. he isnt hugely gifted but he knows exactly what to do to get you going. so sexually we are definetly compatible. which is a very good thing. we are supposed to see each other tomorrow night, just going to like the movies, and i dont know if that is it, or if we are going to do something else. so i guess we will see. my "husband" is working tomorrow night, because he had lost his day job on fathers day (last sunday) so now he just has the night job and is of course trying to make as much money and work as many hours with them as he can. so anyway, even though he doesnt usually work on sat nights, and that is usually my night to go out, he is working. but i asked my friend, the one with the car issue with my husband, who lives most of the time like 2 blocks from me, if she could come over after she is done with her school which would be at like 10:30pm, and just make sure that nothing happens while i am gone, because the kids will be sleeping. so she said that she would, and my husband is supposed to be home for like 12:30am so she wont be here that long anyway, which is good. so anyway, i just hope that it goes okay with her and doing that, cause sometimes with her who knows, things happen or come up, or she forgets. so i am keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes okay, especially being that i havent been out with him or seen him since last saturday. of course, everyday at least once or twice a day we talk or chat online or webcam too while we chat so we can actually see each other, but literally being able to hold hands or something we havent been able to do for a week as of tomorrow. now to make things even more interesting in my life, it is a possibility that i could have gotten pregnant. i stopped taking all of my medications, every single last one, including birth control, depression, asthma, allergies, bladder, you get the picture, about three weeks ago. i did that because of the way that i was feeling, i didnt like it. anyway, we did use protection just like we should have, did everything right, but something went wrong in the end, and he finished, and i dont think that the condom wasnt too effective because it was basically crumbled up inside of me. and i was of course fertile that day too, assuming that my cycle is still on track and not really off now that i stopped taking my pills. so now i am thinking that i could be pregnant, it is a possibility, especially being that i had no back up method, that condom was it. this time i will be 100% sure who the father is, because i have been with no one else this past month. (i was serious when i said that i swore that wasnt going to happen again. so anyway i suppose that is something that i am going to have to wait and see. if i am pregnant, he doesnt really seem to mind at all, he even said that whatever happened either way was okay, because eventually he wanted a baby of his own anyway, just that this wouldnt be perfect timing, but if it happened now that was okay too. he was fine with that. so that is good, at least the way it seems, if i am, i wouldnt have to worry about him freaking out or running away.
also today my daughter got sick at camp, saying that her tummy really really hurt, and that she felt like she was going to throw up, and they were saying that she wanted to go home and needed someone to pick her up. so i tried calling her dad and my mom, but unfortunately both of them didnt happen, so i ended up having to leave work three and a half hours early to go get her, and before i left i was advised by my direct supervisor that it would be considered an occurence. and of course i know myself, that this would then be #4 and that would then mean that i am going to get written up, because you are only allowed four of them in six months. so i am going to get written up, because my daughter wasnt feeling well, and i had to leave a little bit early to get her, that is ridiculous. but my kids come first, i wasnt about to let my daughter suffer just because i was going to get in trouble at work. so anyway, that was just great news about my job.
then there is my husband with his job situation, and the fact that he lost the day job one now and only has the one job at night that he had, that he wasnt really making a huge amount of hours at. and of course today is the 22nd and he has not a cent saved up for the rent. so i started flipping out about it, making plans to put my things in storage, rent a room from one of my friends who said that me and the kids could do that, and also put an ad in the paper to give my dog to a good home cause i wouldnt be able to bring him. which broke my heart. so after i did all of this flipping out, he said to me that he had spoken with the landlord and explained to her that he was going to at least a week or a little bit more late on the rent, and explained to her all of the things that we had wrong with our apartment, and said that if she bought the materials to fix it that he could fix it for her. so he claims that she said that was okay. so hopefully for now, for next month i hope, we will be safe. because i dont want to think about moving until i know what is going with the situation with the guy and the transfer. and me moving at that time with him if he got the job. which brings me to an interesting point. my parents are concerned about me moving so far away, at least 2-3 hours from them, my friends, and everything else and everyone else that i know, my job, etc and only having him there to depend on. so my mom, mentioning all of this, speaking of course for my dad too, mentioned a few good points for me to think about. number 1 of course is that i dont really know him that well to be moving in with him, but yeah i knew that one already. but if you think about you dont really know anyone until you move in with them. and with the three guys that i have lived with in my life, i didnt know them really well until i moved in with them. of course we know how those turned out but it isnt like they were murders or something, just had issues. which everyone does. so that was point 1 which wasnt something that that i hadnt thought of myself. the other 2 points that really struck me i did find interesting though, one of them was do i know where he works. which i technically did, but i didnt know the exact address or the location, so i asked him about it at like lunchtime and he pretty much put me off, not really telling me. so i asked him again later this evening, and he pretty much told me. i just found out weird that it was like i really had to pull it out of him he didnt really want to tell me. and then the other last point that was made which i also found to be an interesting one was if he moved in with me, which according to him isnt an if it is a when, was he telling his parents about this plan, or had he yet, and would he. the answer i got didnt make me too happy, the first answer was no he wasnt planning on telling them. so then i asked him if he planned on saying anything to them about it at all, or just letting them believe that he was getting a place up there for himself and that was it. so then he said that he hadnt really thought about it, but that he didnt think if he told his parents that they would be too happy. and then he said that he would probably just tell it to them like he was having a roommate up there to help with the bills and that was about it. and then he asked what i would say to mine, and i answered honestly saying that i would tell them the truth, and if they didnt like it or had something to say about it, then i would listen to them, but i make my own decisions in my life and that even though i will listen to other peoples opinions it doesnt effect what i do, i live my life on my own, and i dont really care what other people think. if i am doing something that i dont think that they will like, then so be it. i have to make my own mistakes if that is what it is. so yes, i know, i went on a little rampage/tirade but i was a little frustrated. because honestly when you think about it, how serious does he expect us to be, and what type of a relationship does he expect us to have, if he cant be honest with his parents about exactly the seriousness of the relationship that we have, or are going to have. all he said that he told them know was that he was seeing a girl whose name was ____. and that was it. so then what? he probably wasnt even going to mention at all that i was living with him for quite a while, who knows. it just frustrated me. i dont think i let on how frustrated that i got, but i was pretty upset. anyway, that was it, we changed the subject after that so maybe he did realize how upset that i was, and then a little after that he had to go to sleep cause he has to work relatively early tomorrow, so we said goodnight. and i love you he has started saying to me too, ever since last saturday night. not every single conversation, but almost every one. and then he said that he would call me on his lunch tomorrow cause he has to work. and that was that.
also today my daughter got sick at camp, saying that her tummy really really hurt, and that she felt like she was going to throw up, and they were saying that she wanted to go home and needed someone to pick her up. so i tried calling her dad and my mom, but unfortunately both of them didnt happen, so i ended up having to leave work three and a half hours early to go get her, and before i left i was advised by my direct supervisor that it would be considered an occurence. and of course i know myself, that this would then be #4 and that would then mean that i am going to get written up, because you are only allowed four of them in six months. so i am going to get written up, because my daughter wasnt feeling well, and i had to leave a little bit early to get her, that is ridiculous. but my kids come first, i wasnt about to let my daughter suffer just because i was going to get in trouble at work. so anyway, that was just great news about my job.
then there is my husband with his job situation, and the fact that he lost the day job one now and only has the one job at night that he had, that he wasnt really making a huge amount of hours at. and of course today is the 22nd and he has not a cent saved up for the rent. so i started flipping out about it, making plans to put my things in storage, rent a room from one of my friends who said that me and the kids could do that, and also put an ad in the paper to give my dog to a good home cause i wouldnt be able to bring him. which broke my heart. so after i did all of this flipping out, he said to me that he had spoken with the landlord and explained to her that he was going to at least a week or a little bit more late on the rent, and explained to her all of the things that we had wrong with our apartment, and said that if she bought the materials to fix it that he could fix it for her. so he claims that she said that was okay. so hopefully for now, for next month i hope, we will be safe. because i dont want to think about moving until i know what is going with the situation with the guy and the transfer. and me moving at that time with him if he got the job. which brings me to an interesting point. my parents are concerned about me moving so far away, at least 2-3 hours from them, my friends, and everything else and everyone else that i know, my job, etc and only having him there to depend on. so my mom, mentioning all of this, speaking of course for my dad too, mentioned a few good points for me to think about. number 1 of course is that i dont really know him that well to be moving in with him, but yeah i knew that one already. but if you think about you dont really know anyone until you move in with them. and with the three guys that i have lived with in my life, i didnt know them really well until i moved in with them. of course we know how those turned out but it isnt like they were murders or something, just had issues. which everyone does. so that was point 1 which wasnt something that that i hadnt thought of myself. the other 2 points that really struck me i did find interesting though, one of them was do i know where he works. which i technically did, but i didnt know the exact address or the location, so i asked him about it at like lunchtime and he pretty much put me off, not really telling me. so i asked him again later this evening, and he pretty much told me. i just found out weird that it was like i really had to pull it out of him he didnt really want to tell me. and then the other last point that was made which i also found to be an interesting one was if he moved in with me, which according to him isnt an if it is a when, was he telling his parents about this plan, or had he yet, and would he. the answer i got didnt make me too happy, the first answer was no he wasnt planning on telling them. so then i asked him if he planned on saying anything to them about it at all, or just letting them believe that he was getting a place up there for himself and that was it. so then he said that he hadnt really thought about it, but that he didnt think if he told his parents that they would be too happy. and then he said that he would probably just tell it to them like he was having a roommate up there to help with the bills and that was about it. and then he asked what i would say to mine, and i answered honestly saying that i would tell them the truth, and if they didnt like it or had something to say about it, then i would listen to them, but i make my own decisions in my life and that even though i will listen to other peoples opinions it doesnt effect what i do, i live my life on my own, and i dont really care what other people think. if i am doing something that i dont think that they will like, then so be it. i have to make my own mistakes if that is what it is. so yes, i know, i went on a little rampage/tirade but i was a little frustrated. because honestly when you think about it, how serious does he expect us to be, and what type of a relationship does he expect us to have, if he cant be honest with his parents about exactly the seriousness of the relationship that we have, or are going to have. all he said that he told them know was that he was seeing a girl whose name was ____. and that was it. so then what? he probably wasnt even going to mention at all that i was living with him for quite a while, who knows. it just frustrated me. i dont think i let on how frustrated that i got, but i was pretty upset. anyway, that was it, we changed the subject after that so maybe he did realize how upset that i was, and then a little after that he had to go to sleep cause he has to work relatively early tomorrow, so we said goodnight. and i love you he has started saying to me too, ever since last saturday night. not every single conversation, but almost every one. and then he said that he would call me on his lunch tomorrow cause he has to work. and that was that.
Friday, June 15, 2007
One Of The Most Interesting Weeks Of My Life
i know that i havent written in a while, and this is probably not even going to be a long post, because i am already really tired, and i havent felt like my normal self yesterday and today. i have been sneezing and had a runny nose, and have also felt like i had a stuffy head. so i am thinking that i probably have what everyone else had work, i am hoping that i dont though because it seems like it can get really bad from what everyone was telling me, a couple people even got bronchitis, i dont know if it was from that or not. but still. i dont need this, i really hope that i get better and also that i dont get any worse. i have plans for tomorrow night too, that cant be broken (at least by me) so i really hope that i start to feel better and quickly too, by tomorrow. but more about my plans for tomorrow night in a little bit. i am trying to think of where to start from the last time that i updated this, because i know that it has been a little while. lets see, okay here goes. the rent got paid thanks to his daddy, and know he is supposed to be paying him back by the end of next month, which i honestly have no idea how he is going to be able to do that, because it seems like all of the money that he gets he still blows away, and it is already the 15th and he has no money saved so far for the next months rent due on the 1st. the one friend of mine who was complaining about what my husband supposedly did to her car, seems like she is over that now. of course i had asked her to watch my kids for me on thursday, so first she said that she would call me on wednesday so she called me, i called her back, and she said that she was busy, and if she could call me back in a little bit. she didnt call me back that night, instead she called me back on thursday night at 11:55pm (good thing that i didnt actually need her to watch the kids that night after all) saying that she was sorry, she got distracted or forgot something like that. so anyway, i guess that is nothing new though, she has never really been miss dependable. and then the other friend that was supposed to be coming over to spend sometime and get the clothes that i had for her, never did come didnt even bother to call and let me know what was going on or if she could come, and i havent heard from her since. which i guess isnt that surprising, because that is how she can be at times. so okay, that is that. on saturday night, i was talking to this guy online who i have been talking to for about the past 6 months or so already, never met him or anything like that. to be honest never really thought that much of it, because number 1 he is 10 years older then me, and then for a few other reasons too. so anyway, i decided to meet him on sunday night, the main reason being that he is going to be moving from where he is staying now, which is a temporary situation of living with his parents. until he gets back on his feet. and he is looking for a roommate someone to help him with the bills. he knows my situation, knows that i want out, knows all of that. and i even told him about my finances, and everything else. so anyway, he was saying that either he would get a house here, and i should only have to pay 300.00 a month total to help him completely with everything, or he would get an apartment in an area that is a few hours away because of a job that he applied for, he is waiting for the response from that the end of this month. so anyway, the main reason that i wanted to meet him started out being that i was really considering this moving in with him thing, and wanted to meet him, see what i thought, see how we hit it off, etc. because i am not dumb enough to think that if we moved in together that it would just be friends, because he has always not made it a secret that he wants to be more then friends, and have a relationship that sort of thing. so anyway, we met on sunday night, and it was pretty good actually. we hit it off pretty well, got a long really good, he isnt drop dead gorgeous looking with a great body, but then again neither am i. he is fairly attractive looking though. he is very tall, 6'2, which is nice cause i am 5"7.5, and i cant stand being with something that is the same height as me or shorter. or even only an inch more then me, i cant stand it. so okay, anyway, we met at mcdonalds first, sat there and talked for a little while, then we went to the movies, and then when we got out of there, we actually just stood in the parking lot and talked for like at least an hour. we get along really well, no awkward silences or really nervousness or anything. which is very good, maybe because we have been chatting online for so long who knows. so anyway, we went out sunday night, and then we went out again wednesday night. it was also nice again, we went to the mall, and then we went to eat dinner. he had to go home pretty early though, because he had to get up for work the next morning at 3:30am. cause he had to be at work at 5am. so we had to not stay out that late at all, i think i was home at like 10:30pm? but it was still nice, and i had a good time. we are supposed to be doing something special tomorrow night, and that was why i was saying that i cant cancel. the end of this week, he is going to find out if he is getting the job and will have to move out of area. it will be a few hours north of me, and if he gets the job he will probably have to start and therefore of course move rather quickly. which would then translate into i would have to move rather quickly with him, because i really want to do this. okay some may say that i am crazy, to be wanting to do this, but i really do. i want out of this situation, i have to get out. i cant handle this anymore, wondering what will happen, if i will have a house in a few weeks for me and my kids to live in, and then for him to treat the way that he does almost all of the time, like he doesnt give a crap about me and isnt married to me. i want to feel loved, appreciated, taken care of, and also for someone to be able to hold down their end of responsibilties. and that is something it seems that he has never been able to do. and so far from what i have seen (and talking to him for the past 6 months) he seems to be a good guy, is very caring, will take care of you, is willing to accept my kids, even though he hasnt met them yet, so hopefully that wont be a factor for him to want to run once he mets them, especially with the way that my son has been acting lately, he hasnt been lisitening to shit. but anyway. he also seems to be at the same point in his life that i am on, wants marriage (or at least a long term relationship) wants kids when the timing is right, wants just to settle down and be with someone long term. which is something that i wasnt able to find, even if it looked like that was what it was, it wasnt. he also understands all of my situation and knows everything about it, he wants me to get a divorce as soon as i move out, which i said that as long as i had the money, or as soon as i did i would because there is no point in being married to him anymore, if i am moving out and leaving him. he also said that he was falling in love with me (this was last night) and asked if i loved him, i answered that i could feel myself falling for him too, which i could, i just am so scared to let myself feel that much, cause i am scared. so so scared. of being hurt, of things not working out, of getting screwed again. of so much. the things that keeps impressing me about him, is things that he says and the way that he acts. i mentioned about having a possible money issue with something if we moved to a place a few hours away, with having to pay a lot more for daycare, and he said that wouldnt only be my problem it would be his problem too, because when people are together they deal with things together. which i was really impressed with because i have never heard that from my husband, at least not for several years, and definetly not from anyone else that i have been with. so that was one thing. and he acts like he really cares, and is concerned about you. not just that you are someone that he just sees. he acts like he really wants to see you and be with you, and that he misses you when you arent around or he isnt talking to you. i am really liking him which i suppose is what is making me scared too. what is nice is that i really like being with him, i am not annoyed with him cause he doesnt speak english, and my friend isnt translating, i am not annoyed with him because he is just acting dumb, and immature, and is the same height as me, which i cant stand. and also that he doesnt say dumb things that he things are funny just to say them. i really enjoy being with him and look forward to it. which must be why i am scared of getting my heart broken again.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Some People Seem Like They Will Never Learn
so his dad came over and brought the money orders for him to pay the rent today, and he left it for me, and i went and paid the rent with it. so i talked to him a little bit after that, while he was at work (his night job) and somehow we got on the subject of this never happening again, and that he had to be really careful, and then he made a comment about how if it did he could just borrow from his dad again. so i slightly lost it with him and said first of all if you dont pay him back, he wont ever lend you money again, and then he said that he was going to pay him back like he had told him that he would, and i said second you need to do it on your own and be responsible and not depend on him to help you out. so he got upset with me and said that i was starting with him again, so i said that i couldnt help it if i was because this whole thing had gotten me so upset and worried what did he expect. i cant have this all happen again, i just cant. i cant deal with it. and then yesterday i noticed that the extra 80.00 he had out away for the bills was gone, and i asked him about it, he claimed that he had told me that he was going to be taking it and using it, which he didnt. so i got upset with him about that, cause he just cant save money. so i told him that if he could use that money for himself, that he could help me pay for the night out that we were planning on having with the kids tomorrow night, and then he was getting mad at me because he said that he shouldnt be having to help me pay for that when it was my idea. what bullcrap. and then he said that he had some of the money left over in his wallet, so i looked in his wallet when he went outside and he only had 20.00 left. which is ridiculous, because he has nothing to show for that money, so i can only imagine what he must have done with the money. sigh. i really dont know if he will ever learn. and after he was going on and on a few days ago, about how he wasnt going to spend any extra money, to give you an idea, he was even saying that he was going to stop drinking beer, and smoking cigarettes, i want to have faith in him to do all that, and pull himself out of this, but i have just heard all of this so many times before. anyway enough on that frustrating subject.
now to talk about my friends. the one with the car issue that had agreed to have my husband look at her car, then was accusing him of breaking it, texted me yesterday night, which i actually got this morning, for me to ask my husband if he had used a knife that she kept under her seat that was a gift. so i asked him and he said no, he hadnt seen or used one, and then he got upset because it sounded like she was accusing him of taking it. so she responded okay, i guess the mechanics who worked on my car had taken it. sigh, i swear she has been my friend for a while but she is getting on my last nerve with this crap. i wish he had never offered to be nice and look at her car. then one of my other friends the one that i was talking to, switched to the other line, and never called me back, i talked to today, she said that if she has gas money on saturday and gets paid then, that she would come over and also get the bags of clothes that i have that my kids outgrew. so it isnt that she is just coming over to say hi, she is coming over to get stuff for herself from me, but anyway. then the friend with the car, knew all about the issues that i was having, didnt even bother to ask if everything was okay with that. just went on about her stuff. and other friends who know about the issues and dont care or dont say anything they know who they are, it is just a bunch of b.s. because when you really need people that is when you can see who the true friends are, from the ones who run or dont talk to you, and the ones that help you the best that they can and dont avoid you. like one of my friends, the one i had said that she had said something us staying with her if we had nowhere else to go, and then her husband said something about lending me the 500.00, she mentioned it again today, even after i told her that the rent was paid for this month (and i am hoping that this never happens again), she again said that if i ever found myself with no where else to go that i could stay with her (with my kids). so i was very impressed with that. like i said you figure out who are really good friends and who arent. well, on that note, i am going to try to get some sleep for work tomorrow.
now to talk about my friends. the one with the car issue that had agreed to have my husband look at her car, then was accusing him of breaking it, texted me yesterday night, which i actually got this morning, for me to ask my husband if he had used a knife that she kept under her seat that was a gift. so i asked him and he said no, he hadnt seen or used one, and then he got upset because it sounded like she was accusing him of taking it. so she responded okay, i guess the mechanics who worked on my car had taken it. sigh, i swear she has been my friend for a while but she is getting on my last nerve with this crap. i wish he had never offered to be nice and look at her car. then one of my other friends the one that i was talking to, switched to the other line, and never called me back, i talked to today, she said that if she has gas money on saturday and gets paid then, that she would come over and also get the bags of clothes that i have that my kids outgrew. so it isnt that she is just coming over to say hi, she is coming over to get stuff for herself from me, but anyway. then the friend with the car, knew all about the issues that i was having, didnt even bother to ask if everything was okay with that. just went on about her stuff. and other friends who know about the issues and dont care or dont say anything they know who they are, it is just a bunch of b.s. because when you really need people that is when you can see who the true friends are, from the ones who run or dont talk to you, and the ones that help you the best that they can and dont avoid you. like one of my friends, the one i had said that she had said something us staying with her if we had nowhere else to go, and then her husband said something about lending me the 500.00, she mentioned it again today, even after i told her that the rent was paid for this month (and i am hoping that this never happens again), she again said that if i ever found myself with no where else to go that i could stay with her (with my kids). so i was very impressed with that. like i said you figure out who are really good friends and who arent. well, on that note, i am going to try to get some sleep for work tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Saved By His Dad
well, it looks like his dad is definetly going to be saving him, he said that he talked to his dad this evening and that he said that he would be going to his job tomorrow morning and bringing him the money, so that is good. at least we will have the money and not have to get evicted. he said that he had also told his dad that he wouldnt be able to give him the money until the end of next month, and he had said that it was okay. so that is a relief. so know lets all just keep our fingers crossed that he gives him the money tomorrow, the rent gets paid without a problem and that there are no more issues, and also that he has learned his lesson and that this doesnt happen again. i really hope that he learned his lesson. and also that he pays his dad back on time like he had promised him that he would. i already told him that i cant go through this again, and he said something about learning his lesson and not doing this again, so lets really hope that it doesnt. because the sad thing is that the amount of times that i have helped him out, i have no money now left in my savings account, i think i have 25.00 the most, and of course nothing extra in my checking, i am just barely paying my share of the bills every month, and therefore wouldnt even have any money left over to save if i wanted to, which i would of course, but i cant. so anyway, if anything happened with being evicted now, i would have no money nothing. which would be very bad, and with two kids.
so this is the time that you realize who your friends are, and who arent. you friends are the ones that you have only known for a little over a year, and who offers that if you have nowhere else to stay you can stay with her, and then her husband offers to lend you 500.00 to help you out, if that would help you keep your apartment. those are friends. are someone who would let you crash on their couch or their floor with your kids just so that you wouldnt be homeless or sleeping in your car, those are friends. who arent friends i dont think are the people that you have been friends with for several years and either they dont say anything at all about or offer any help or suggestions, or they are talking to you about it, get another call, hang up on you, and then never call you back. you get the picture, you learn really quick who your true friends are when stuff like this happens. you see the ones that run or wont/dont talk to you and then the other ones who want to help you. so i guess this could be a lesson for me as well, and not just for my "husband". even my ex offered not in so many words, but sort of, that we could move in there, of course, i would only do that if that was my absolute last resort, and there was no other place on this earth that i could stay. especially with the little incident last week, but you get my point. even he offered to help. so now i have learned something i suppose, and lets see what i do or if anything i do about what i have learned. i am just keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes okay now tomorrow, and also of course that this never happens again, i am like paranoid that it will. well, i will have to wait and see what happens.
so this is the time that you realize who your friends are, and who arent. you friends are the ones that you have only known for a little over a year, and who offers that if you have nowhere else to stay you can stay with her, and then her husband offers to lend you 500.00 to help you out, if that would help you keep your apartment. those are friends. are someone who would let you crash on their couch or their floor with your kids just so that you wouldnt be homeless or sleeping in your car, those are friends. who arent friends i dont think are the people that you have been friends with for several years and either they dont say anything at all about or offer any help or suggestions, or they are talking to you about it, get another call, hang up on you, and then never call you back. you get the picture, you learn really quick who your true friends are when stuff like this happens. you see the ones that run or wont/dont talk to you and then the other ones who want to help you. so i guess this could be a lesson for me as well, and not just for my "husband". even my ex offered not in so many words, but sort of, that we could move in there, of course, i would only do that if that was my absolute last resort, and there was no other place on this earth that i could stay. especially with the little incident last week, but you get my point. even he offered to help. so now i have learned something i suppose, and lets see what i do or if anything i do about what i have learned. i am just keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes okay now tomorrow, and also of course that this never happens again, i am like paranoid that it will. well, i will have to wait and see what happens.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Three Day Notice
it figures, it just figures, i knew it. i knew that the property owner was only going to put up with him being late on the rent, and a month behind for so long. we had just finished paying off last months rent a few days or a week i think ago, and then of course it is the first again and the rent is due again. and he doesnt have it again. he has only 200.00 of it. so he called the office and spoke with them, and asked if they could work it out with him (for like the third or fourth month in a row) and she said that she would see and that she would have to speak with the property manager, but that he might get a three day notice on the door. so sure enough a few hours later, we got the darn notice on the door, three days to pay 1125.00 which he only has 200.00 of. isnt that great? and he had no idea how he was going to do that, because he doesnt have that money, obviously or he would have paid that already on the 1st. so anyway, he called his dad and asked him to borrow a 1000.00 to help us and he told me that he had told him that he would give it to him the end of next month. so his dad said that he had to think about it, because he didnt know if he had it, and also because a couple of years ago he had gotten us into this position also, except that time his dad had lent him 1800.00 to get us another place, but he got us evicted from that place too, and he never did pay his dad back the money. so i was surprised that his dad called him back and said that he would have the money for him on thursday morning and bring it for him. but now he is saying that he thinks he accidentally told him that he would have it the end of this month, which would mess with the rent being paid on time again, and he said that he cant do that. but he said that even if he did accidentally say that to his dad that it would all still be okay. he also said that this was a lesson for him and that he was going to save all his money now, no more messing around. i really hope so, i even said something to him about it, about how i cant deal with this again, it is way to much for me, and he said that i didnt have to worry that i would have to. so lets just hope that everything works out now with getting this paid before they toss us out, and with his dad helping us, and that he pays his dad back like he said, and also that this is a lesson to him, to stop blowing his money and to save it for the rent and so that he can pay his bills on time like i do and like he needs to. i was so upset all day today, i am surprised that i didnt have a break down, i did start to cry at work, and have to run into the bathroom, i really hope that all this works out and that the rent gets paid, no issues, and that he doesnt make us go through this again, i am so worried about this now. i dont need this stress, i really dont.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Today Was Full Of Surprises......
And some not so surprising surprises.....
today i woke up not feeling well, not a surprise considering that i havent felt good for the past few days. i woke up with a headache and no energy whatsoever. but i finally end up getting up, then i had to rush so that i wouldnt be late for work. had to drop my daughter off at summer camp (today was her first day), then had to rush to work, barely made it was a minute late to work, but thats okay, cause we have like six minutes to play with before we get in trouble as long as we dont do it all the time. so i barely made it to work, walked in, and found out that the a/c wasnt working since saturday in the building and it was like 90 degrees in there, so we had to wait there for an hour for the manager, and we were dying from the heat while we were waiting, and she finally said that we could leave and come back for noon and we would see what was going on then. so me, one of the other girls that i work with, and my friend who i hang out with from work, all went to the mall. my friend got a whole bunch of clothes which was good for her because she has issues getting clothes that fit, and me and the other girl, who were broke just got one thing each, which was still good, cause i was happy, i got capris that were cute on me and they were what i have been looking for. so that made me happy. and they were on sale too, which made me happier. so that was good, i had to really restrain myself though, cause i wanted so many more things. so then after the mall wen went back to work, and the a/c was fixed and back on so we had to work the rest of the day, but at least we basically got the morning off, and they paid us for it too, which was even better.
then my husband got paid today from his day job, has no clue about when he will be getting paid from his night job, or when that will be that he gets the check, and he said that his check was for 400.00, gave me the 100.00 that he said that he would give me for the money that he kept borrowing from me, and also to help out with the bills and everything, and then he gave me another 200.00 for the rent. and saved the other 100.00 for himself he said. and yet, the rent was due on the 1st so it is offically late now, and i have no idea how he is going to pay it, it is already late and it is now 1075.00 and he only has 200.00 of it saved as of today. so i said to him that he needs to call the office and explain it to them, and see what they say so he said that he was going to call them tomorrow about it. we have been late on our rent for several months now, because i havent been able to help him with it, and even if i was able i am not doing that anymore, i am leaving it as his responsibility, and that would be why, because he just cant do it on his own. not that he doesnt make enough money between the two jobs that he has, he just cant manage his money, and doesnt save he keeps spending it on his things that he wants or feels that he needs. i may do that too, but at least i make sure that all of my bills are paid and my responsibilities are taken care of first. and now his day job has been cutting back his hours to like 15-20 hours a week, which is paying him like nothing, and the night job isnt using him for the 40 hours a week that he had said that they would either, they are only using him for maybe 20 hours this week too, so i dont know what he is going to do, but i already told him that just those hours arent going to make it for the bills, well for any normal person they would, but the way that he spends his money it wont. and i am not his mother, i am not putting myself through the aggravatation of trying to keep him from spending money, and besides we end up arguing and then he goes and does what he wants to do anyway. so whats the point in going through all of that anyway then.
i was talking to my friend from work and mentioned what my other friend had did to me, about how i had told her about my little issue that i was freaking out about, and that she had said it all to the guy, and what he had said. and she said that wasnt right that she told him, and you didnt want her too. and thinking about it she is right. that really wasnt right that she had said something to him, i dont know why she did. i mean it isnt like i had told her not to say anything to him, but hello, of course i didnt want him to know, if i had i would have told him myself (with her translating of course) but that should have been my decision. and being that i knew that i wasnt and told her that, why would she even say anything to him in the first place. so that aggravated me a little bit thinking about it. but whatever. i just have to be careful what i say to her i suppose if i dont want it repeated, i dont like that though, i really dont like people like that. whatever, i really hope that she doesnt do it again, and i guess i have to watch what i say around her.
then i have another friend that i hate to admit, i am a little jealous of, which isnt good, and i am not proud of it. but she has everything that i want for myself and cant seem to get. she has a responsible husband who pays all the bills and takes care of everything for her, and lets her control the money to make sure that he doesnt blow it, he makes really good money (like 23.00 an hour so they dont have to struggle), they just moved to another city a few hours away, where they got a 3 bedroom apartment for like 900.00 a month, which is really cheap, and it isnt even an apartment it is a duplex with yard and everything, she has a baby which is like 9 months old, and she stays at home and takes care of her kids, and the house. so there you go, the life that i want and she is so blissfully happy, i am not saying htat her life hasnt always been perfect cause it hasnt been, and that doesnt deserve it, i dont want to take what she has from her, not that i could anyway, but even if i could i wouldnt, i just want that for myself too. and those are the things that it seems that no matter what i do i cant have. oh well, such seems to be my life.
today i woke up not feeling well, not a surprise considering that i havent felt good for the past few days. i woke up with a headache and no energy whatsoever. but i finally end up getting up, then i had to rush so that i wouldnt be late for work. had to drop my daughter off at summer camp (today was her first day), then had to rush to work, barely made it was a minute late to work, but thats okay, cause we have like six minutes to play with before we get in trouble as long as we dont do it all the time. so i barely made it to work, walked in, and found out that the a/c wasnt working since saturday in the building and it was like 90 degrees in there, so we had to wait there for an hour for the manager, and we were dying from the heat while we were waiting, and she finally said that we could leave and come back for noon and we would see what was going on then. so me, one of the other girls that i work with, and my friend who i hang out with from work, all went to the mall. my friend got a whole bunch of clothes which was good for her because she has issues getting clothes that fit, and me and the other girl, who were broke just got one thing each, which was still good, cause i was happy, i got capris that were cute on me and they were what i have been looking for. so that made me happy. and they were on sale too, which made me happier. so that was good, i had to really restrain myself though, cause i wanted so many more things. so then after the mall wen went back to work, and the a/c was fixed and back on so we had to work the rest of the day, but at least we basically got the morning off, and they paid us for it too, which was even better.
then my husband got paid today from his day job, has no clue about when he will be getting paid from his night job, or when that will be that he gets the check, and he said that his check was for 400.00, gave me the 100.00 that he said that he would give me for the money that he kept borrowing from me, and also to help out with the bills and everything, and then he gave me another 200.00 for the rent. and saved the other 100.00 for himself he said. and yet, the rent was due on the 1st so it is offically late now, and i have no idea how he is going to pay it, it is already late and it is now 1075.00 and he only has 200.00 of it saved as of today. so i said to him that he needs to call the office and explain it to them, and see what they say so he said that he was going to call them tomorrow about it. we have been late on our rent for several months now, because i havent been able to help him with it, and even if i was able i am not doing that anymore, i am leaving it as his responsibility, and that would be why, because he just cant do it on his own. not that he doesnt make enough money between the two jobs that he has, he just cant manage his money, and doesnt save he keeps spending it on his things that he wants or feels that he needs. i may do that too, but at least i make sure that all of my bills are paid and my responsibilities are taken care of first. and now his day job has been cutting back his hours to like 15-20 hours a week, which is paying him like nothing, and the night job isnt using him for the 40 hours a week that he had said that they would either, they are only using him for maybe 20 hours this week too, so i dont know what he is going to do, but i already told him that just those hours arent going to make it for the bills, well for any normal person they would, but the way that he spends his money it wont. and i am not his mother, i am not putting myself through the aggravatation of trying to keep him from spending money, and besides we end up arguing and then he goes and does what he wants to do anyway. so whats the point in going through all of that anyway then.
i was talking to my friend from work and mentioned what my other friend had did to me, about how i had told her about my little issue that i was freaking out about, and that she had said it all to the guy, and what he had said. and she said that wasnt right that she told him, and you didnt want her too. and thinking about it she is right. that really wasnt right that she had said something to him, i dont know why she did. i mean it isnt like i had told her not to say anything to him, but hello, of course i didnt want him to know, if i had i would have told him myself (with her translating of course) but that should have been my decision. and being that i knew that i wasnt and told her that, why would she even say anything to him in the first place. so that aggravated me a little bit thinking about it. but whatever. i just have to be careful what i say to her i suppose if i dont want it repeated, i dont like that though, i really dont like people like that. whatever, i really hope that she doesnt do it again, and i guess i have to watch what i say around her.
then i have another friend that i hate to admit, i am a little jealous of, which isnt good, and i am not proud of it. but she has everything that i want for myself and cant seem to get. she has a responsible husband who pays all the bills and takes care of everything for her, and lets her control the money to make sure that he doesnt blow it, he makes really good money (like 23.00 an hour so they dont have to struggle), they just moved to another city a few hours away, where they got a 3 bedroom apartment for like 900.00 a month, which is really cheap, and it isnt even an apartment it is a duplex with yard and everything, she has a baby which is like 9 months old, and she stays at home and takes care of her kids, and the house. so there you go, the life that i want and she is so blissfully happy, i am not saying htat her life hasnt always been perfect cause it hasnt been, and that doesnt deserve it, i dont want to take what she has from her, not that i could anyway, but even if i could i wouldnt, i just want that for myself too. and those are the things that it seems that no matter what i do i cant have. oh well, such seems to be my life.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Yet Another Exhausting Day?
i dont know what is going on with me lately, but i have just been so tired lately, i have absoluetly no energy and get tired easily, and get very cranky and irritated easily too. ugh. like today i didnt really do anything major, took the kids to kmart, and did a little shopping and also to publix to do some grocery shopping. and that was about it, i had told them that if they were good in publix that i would take them to the pool to go swimming, but they werent good so i didnt take them. which they, especially my son, got upset with me about, but oh well. and he was the one that was really bad too. he also starts fights with my daughter, and he is the little one, go figure. sigh. so we came home from going to those stores, and almost as soon as i got home, i just got so tired and exhausted, and had no energy at all. so i laid down on the couch, and almost fell asleep. so i decided to go to lay down in my bed. where i did fall asleep for like two hours from like 4:30-6:30pm, and then when i got up i had to start cooking dinner and everything, because i hadnt done anything before i went and laid down. so dinner was late, we didnt eat until like 7:50 which is very late for us, usually we eat at 6pm. but i cooked a good meal, and we all ate and it was good. my husband was working of course so it was just me and them, and considering that i laid down for two hours and left them by themselves they were pretty good while i was sleeping. i have gotten two different theories of course from two different people on why i have been feeling like this, one theory is that it is because i have my period and i am losing nutrients in my body, and i am of course not taking vitamins to replenish them. why i dont remember feeling like this in previous months then, i dont know. and the other theory is that i am battling something like a flu, and that is taking my energy. i really dont know, i guess i could try taking some vitamins and see if that helps. i dont have any though, so i would have to see if i could get some.
while i was at kmart today, i bought two different things that i am hoping will help my dogs skin issue. i bought oatmeal shampoo which i shampooed him with like right away as soon as i got home, which is supposed to help with little skin irritations, itching and things like that. so far he doesnt seem to be itching or biting himself as much as he used to, so i really hope that is helping, and then the other thing that i got was something for hair loss, itching, biting, and all of that too, it is a liquid that i guess you put on the spots. i have to read more about it, but that sounded good too. i really hope that these help. i cant afford a vet bill to try to figure out what is wrong with him.
i talked to my friend that i was over her house yesterday and watched her kids. she is upset because of the issues that she is facing with her "husband" and that he is using her and is going to be leaving in a few weeks and not coming back. the bad thing is that with all that he is using her and doesnt love her, she says that she loves him and that it is killing her to be dealing with this. and she has the baby with him too. and he doesnt even seem to care about the baby. that is the sad part. so i guess no matter how bad you think you have it, or how upset you get with your problems there is always someone who has more issues or problems then you. but anyway, she sounded so upset i was asking her too come over my house and we could have spent time together, but she was saying that she couldnt because she had to get a crib or something in a city that is the opposite of where i am, it would have taken her like an hour at least to get from there to me. so anyway, she didnt end up coming over though. she did say something interesting to me though, she said i hope that you arent mad at me, but i told him (the guy that is staying with her) about what you told me about how you were freaking out about being pregnant. and he said that even though he isnt really ready for a baby now, that he isnt like that and he would have taken care of everything with you and the baby. and i said to her that i was really freaking out because i wouldnt have had somewhere to stay, and she said that he knew that and said that he would have taken care of that. hmmmm. interesting, at least maybe all guys arent pieces of crap. who knows though, he was saying that after she said that i wasnt pregnant, who knows what would have really happened if i was. he could have gone back to his country and never seen me again. if he really wanted to. she also made a comment to me about how he never talks about me, and i dont talk about him. and i guess she was trying to find out what happened. and i never did answer her. i guess that i could have told her but i dont really know exactly what to say. other then that i got tired of it i guess. the drive back and forth there several times a week, the sleeping in and missing work that one day because the alarm wasnt set properly which wasnt only his fault but still, the using all my gas and extra money there and back, and also, the most important thing i think was him not speaking hardly any english and me speaking hardly any spanish. so i guess the lack of communication. i guess that is everything. i just seemed to get tired of the whole situation i guess. he was okay to play with, but i dont really think that a relationship would or could have happened even if i had given it a chance, which i didnt i guess. but oh well, whats done is done. and why isnt he asking about me or talking about me then, or asking her how i am doing? he isnt making the effort either so heck with it, i am not interested right now in any men anyway, that last freaking me out experience i think was enough to last me a while, i dont want to ever have that issue again.
while i was at kmart today, i bought two different things that i am hoping will help my dogs skin issue. i bought oatmeal shampoo which i shampooed him with like right away as soon as i got home, which is supposed to help with little skin irritations, itching and things like that. so far he doesnt seem to be itching or biting himself as much as he used to, so i really hope that is helping, and then the other thing that i got was something for hair loss, itching, biting, and all of that too, it is a liquid that i guess you put on the spots. i have to read more about it, but that sounded good too. i really hope that these help. i cant afford a vet bill to try to figure out what is wrong with him.
i talked to my friend that i was over her house yesterday and watched her kids. she is upset because of the issues that she is facing with her "husband" and that he is using her and is going to be leaving in a few weeks and not coming back. the bad thing is that with all that he is using her and doesnt love her, she says that she loves him and that it is killing her to be dealing with this. and she has the baby with him too. and he doesnt even seem to care about the baby. that is the sad part. so i guess no matter how bad you think you have it, or how upset you get with your problems there is always someone who has more issues or problems then you. but anyway, she sounded so upset i was asking her too come over my house and we could have spent time together, but she was saying that she couldnt because she had to get a crib or something in a city that is the opposite of where i am, it would have taken her like an hour at least to get from there to me. so anyway, she didnt end up coming over though. she did say something interesting to me though, she said i hope that you arent mad at me, but i told him (the guy that is staying with her) about what you told me about how you were freaking out about being pregnant. and he said that even though he isnt really ready for a baby now, that he isnt like that and he would have taken care of everything with you and the baby. and i said to her that i was really freaking out because i wouldnt have had somewhere to stay, and she said that he knew that and said that he would have taken care of that. hmmmm. interesting, at least maybe all guys arent pieces of crap. who knows though, he was saying that after she said that i wasnt pregnant, who knows what would have really happened if i was. he could have gone back to his country and never seen me again. if he really wanted to. she also made a comment to me about how he never talks about me, and i dont talk about him. and i guess she was trying to find out what happened. and i never did answer her. i guess that i could have told her but i dont really know exactly what to say. other then that i got tired of it i guess. the drive back and forth there several times a week, the sleeping in and missing work that one day because the alarm wasnt set properly which wasnt only his fault but still, the using all my gas and extra money there and back, and also, the most important thing i think was him not speaking hardly any english and me speaking hardly any spanish. so i guess the lack of communication. i guess that is everything. i just seemed to get tired of the whole situation i guess. he was okay to play with, but i dont really think that a relationship would or could have happened even if i had given it a chance, which i didnt i guess. but oh well, whats done is done. and why isnt he asking about me or talking about me then, or asking her how i am doing? he isnt making the effort either so heck with it, i am not interested right now in any men anyway, that last freaking me out experience i think was enough to last me a while, i dont want to ever have that issue again.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
An Exhausting Day
my day today was very tiring. i ended up babysitting both of my friends children, plus my two children which added up to be four children that i was taking care of, all of them under the age of seven. i had my daughter who is going to be seven, my son who just turned four, her daughter who will be turning four, and her other daughter who is three and a half months old. so i had my hands full. i have to say that i handled them well, i had good control over them, and the ironic thing was that my son was the worst behaved out of all of them, and my daughter was the best behaved out of all of them. there were a few things that added stress that could have been avoided like my friend not thinking that i was going to have to watch the baby, so she didnt have any food or anything for her to eat or drink, so i had to run to publix and cvs with all of the kids, and the baby starting to whine because she was hungry to get her food. so that experience could have been done without, and wasnt my fault. so other then publix and cvs, we also went to mcdonalds for breakfast and then went to chuck e cheese's for them to play and eat. we were there for over four hours, ugh. my friend met us there when she got out of work, so at least i didnt have to worry about watching all of them there the whole time. then we went to her house afterward and the kids watched a movie and we sat and talked. but i started to really not feel well, my head was killing me, and i just felt so tired and had no energy. so i ended up leaving. not that early though, i left at 6pm, and i left my house to go start watching her kids at 8am, so me and my kids were out for a while. but even still, my kids were whining that they didnt want to go, and my friend was disappointed that i wasnt staying more too, but i just couldnt. i felt so bad that i even cancelled on my other friend who i was supposed to go out with tonight. she didnt sound upset she sounded like she understood and she has cancelled on me like this a couple of times before, so it isnt like she has never done it to me. so hopefully she does understand. i feel so bad that so i am not going anywhere. i am at home, trying to feel better. which i hope that i do. i feel a little bit better now. the funny thing though is that when i was dealing with all of the kids by myself i was thinking to myself that i could do this, i could handle this everyday. the four kids made it harder, but three kids i could easily handle. it made me feel good about myself at least there is something that i can do right? anyway.
in the middle of me feeling like crap and being over my friends house and wanting to leave because i felt so bad, one of my other friends calls (the one that has been coming over my house a few times last week, and is now officially having a place like two or three blocks away from me that she stays at almost all the time) and says that when my husband did something to her car the other night, trying to keep her brake lights from constantly being on because they were stuck and running down her battery that he had damaged some things on her car, and that it now wouldnt start at all and that she had a mechanic looking at it and that instead of being a problem that could have been fixed with a 4.00 part that it was now going to be extremely expensive for it to be fixed. and even though he had offered to look at her car, and she had agreed to it, and therefore being that she had agreed to him looking at her car, she shouldnt blame him anyway, she does. saying that he had messed up her car worse then it was, and that it was now going to be really expensive for her to fix because of what she did. and then she wants me to tell him that she is extremely mad at him. so i told her that i wasnt going to tell her that, cause then he would have gotten pissed off at her and then i am sure that he wouldnt have wanted her to come over anymore. so i said that i would tell him that she said that he had messed up her car, which he is saying that he didnt, and that he doesnt know what she is talking about, and that it just figures that she is going to blame him for it when he didnt do it. sigh. so i just hope that their isnt going to be anything between the two of them now.
then for the past few weeks i had noticed that my dog had this lump on his back that didnt seem to be going away. so today i sort of messed with it more to try to figure out what it was, and it was a scab, so i pulled it off, and still couldnt figure out what it was. and then underneath where it was it is still raised and it is red, like it is a sore or something because it looks like it was bleeding or has blood in it almost like a blister. so i still cant figure out what it is, he has another one that seems to be forming on his back too, or it already formed i cant tell which one. so i am worried about that now. because i dont have the money to be taking him to the vet now, and i am supposed to be taking him in about a month to have his annual checkup and rabies shot and all of that done. so i tried to look up about it online, but i cant really find anything because i dont know what it is. and what to look it up under, so i found some antibiotic lotion in my closet that i had bought for him a little while ago, it said that it was supposed to prevent infection, help healing, stop itching, so i put some of that on it. i dont know if it will help or not i hope so. i also hope that it doesnt make it worse. he is also missing a small piece of fur now from where the scab came off. so now he has a little bald spot on his back. great. now i have something else to worry about. thats all i need. maybe by some miracle that lotion will help, and get rid of it, and make it heal. i really hope so. i remember he had a cut on his nose and it helped that heal. i dunno.
here are some pictures from today:
in the middle of me feeling like crap and being over my friends house and wanting to leave because i felt so bad, one of my other friends calls (the one that has been coming over my house a few times last week, and is now officially having a place like two or three blocks away from me that she stays at almost all the time) and says that when my husband did something to her car the other night, trying to keep her brake lights from constantly being on because they were stuck and running down her battery that he had damaged some things on her car, and that it now wouldnt start at all and that she had a mechanic looking at it and that instead of being a problem that could have been fixed with a 4.00 part that it was now going to be extremely expensive for it to be fixed. and even though he had offered to look at her car, and she had agreed to it, and therefore being that she had agreed to him looking at her car, she shouldnt blame him anyway, she does. saying that he had messed up her car worse then it was, and that it was now going to be really expensive for her to fix because of what she did. and then she wants me to tell him that she is extremely mad at him. so i told her that i wasnt going to tell her that, cause then he would have gotten pissed off at her and then i am sure that he wouldnt have wanted her to come over anymore. so i said that i would tell him that she said that he had messed up her car, which he is saying that he didnt, and that he doesnt know what she is talking about, and that it just figures that she is going to blame him for it when he didnt do it. sigh. so i just hope that their isnt going to be anything between the two of them now.
then for the past few weeks i had noticed that my dog had this lump on his back that didnt seem to be going away. so today i sort of messed with it more to try to figure out what it was, and it was a scab, so i pulled it off, and still couldnt figure out what it was. and then underneath where it was it is still raised and it is red, like it is a sore or something because it looks like it was bleeding or has blood in it almost like a blister. so i still cant figure out what it is, he has another one that seems to be forming on his back too, or it already formed i cant tell which one. so i am worried about that now. because i dont have the money to be taking him to the vet now, and i am supposed to be taking him in about a month to have his annual checkup and rabies shot and all of that done. so i tried to look up about it online, but i cant really find anything because i dont know what it is. and what to look it up under, so i found some antibiotic lotion in my closet that i had bought for him a little while ago, it said that it was supposed to prevent infection, help healing, stop itching, so i put some of that on it. i dont know if it will help or not i hope so. i also hope that it doesnt make it worse. he is also missing a small piece of fur now from where the scab came off. so now he has a little bald spot on his back. great. now i have something else to worry about. thats all i need. maybe by some miracle that lotion will help, and get rid of it, and make it heal. i really hope so. i remember he had a cut on his nose and it helped that heal. i dunno.
here are some pictures from today:
Friday, June 01, 2007
Kayla's Haircut
i took my daughter to get her haircut with me to a salon on wednesday, and she got her haircut. in the beginning i wasnt sure if i liked it because it is shorter then i wanted it to be. but i guess that it looks cute, i am still getting used to it. i had my haircut too, but mine is definetly not as noticeable as hers becuase i only got my layers cut back into my hair, and they are long layers so they keep most of the length in my hair. and she just trimmed it an inch off the bottom. anyway, here is the pictures of my daughters hair:
My Job At The Moment
above are pictures from my first anniversary at my job, which was on 05/30/07. my job is pretty cool with anniversarys of when you have been with the company. they gave me a plaque, card, and a balloon. and announced my name and everything with how long that i had been there. which i thought was really nice. i had never had a company do that before. then today they gave us letters from the company that had officially bought us over i guess as of today, saying welcome to their company, and just listing a couple questions that we might have about the takeover and the answers. except for the fact that the answers werent really answers at all, they just kind of avoided the questions and it was more like we will see. like one of the questions was about if we were going to get to keep our jobs, worded differently of course but you get what i am saying, and they said that as of today yes, but that they had some sort of team reviewing everything. so in other words you dont know what will happen. but as of today, i am still employed.
Updates, Updates, Updates
first before i forget here are the pictures from the weekend:
i have had a very interesting week, i had an issue with my daughters father, we got into an argument which he started because he was upset with me when i didnt agree with him that exactly every other saturday i would bring my daughter back and forth to his house. i said that if i wasnt able to he was welcome to pick her up at mine. and he threw a fit because he didnt want to do that. and he threatened me with physical violence, said that he would kill me, threatened me with cracking my head open with a golf club, hit the inside of the door of my car with, and took a little piece off the molding of my car. so needless to say i am very upset with him, he didnt even apologize or anything afterward. and my daughter saw all of this, and was right there, that makes it even worse. he had her the next day after this (this happened on tuesday) and i didnt say anything to him and he didnt say anything to me. i didnt really say two words to him, i just got her and left. then my husband found out what happened later that night, and got extremely upset, that i was treated like that and that was said to me, and then i had to hear him going on and on about it. then in the middle of this, with my husband getting upset, my friend comes over, who has a dorm that she lives out most of the time like 3 blocks from me, and she stayed for like an hour and a half just sitting and talking. she also came over last night too, and we hung out for a while talking, which was really nice. i like having her come over and hang out more, we have been friends for a while, and we get along pretty well. the only thing is that in a year she is moving to another state far far away. (or so she says) and the crappy part is that another friend of mine just moved yesterday to another city about two hours away too, everyone is leaving me. "sniff" sniff"
i was freaking out for the past couple of days because my boobs were hurting and i hadnt gotten my period and all of that, and i finally got so happy that i got it yesterday in the early afternoon, but i got a few spots and then it went away. but luckily it came back like normal last night, so now i am happy i have my period and i dont have to deal with any other issues. like being pregnant and having to figure all that out. and here is my vow, i am never going to make myself have to deal with that again. whether it is very good protection, whether it is not having sex, i dont care, i am never going to be in the position again of wondering if i am pregnant who the sperm donor would have been. lol. all joking aside i am never going to do that again.
as of right now, i am supposed to be going over my friends house tomorrow morning, and watching her two kids (or one of her kids, not sure yet), while she works for a little bit in the morning, and then when she comes back we are supposed to all hang out for a little while. of course, i am hopefully not going to be watching them in her house, hopefully she is going to chip in some money so that i can take them all somewhere, because if i am stuck with them all in the house. then i dont know what will happen. because i am going to have however many of her kids i am watching, plus my two. hopefully mine behave well.
okay now for the husband complaints. he made 200.00 doing some work at my sons school, during this week, gave me 40.00 towards the rent, which as of today we are yet again a month behind on, because it is due today and he doesnt have any money saved up for it. he also gave me 20.00 that i asked him for because i needed it, and then that was it, the other 140.00 i have no idea what he did with. i asked him if he wanted me to hold any for him, and he said no, and know i asked him for money today and he said he didnt have any. so he must have somehow blew through that much money in 2 days. i cant imagine how. actually i can i just dont want to think about it. then he hasnt cleaned the house in like days, he just keeps making a mess in the house, leaving his dirty clothes and garbage all over the place, doesnt clean it up, the pile of dishes in the sink just kept growing and growing it was disgusting. so yesterday while my friend was here i had to clean up some. and then he says that he will clean some today. and he didnt clean anything. and then he expects me to do it on my days off, if he isnt going to do it on his days off why should i? sigh. on the up and interesting side i was thinking lately about how i have had so many jerks and dumbies, and other names i could say but wont, come in and out of my life in the past what over a year or around a year...but oh well, you know what i mean, and he has always been there and always supported me through everything. granted he can be an irresponsible pain in the butt, but he has always been there. and when i lost my house in the hurricane he did bail me out and give us all a place to stay. and also in the beginning of our relationship, he got us all an apartment to live when i had to move out of my ex's house going through the divorce, and then the way that he was so upset about how my ex treated me on tuesday with the threat and golf club incident, he may be a real pain in the butt, but he has always been there for me. that is all i am going to say about that right now.
the good thing is that the night job that he has now, he is getting saturday nights off, or at least if all goes well that is what he requested for his schedule and he said that they will be giving it to him. so that is good, at least i will be able to go out on my saturday nights. last saturday i went to the movies by myself, sigh, but tomorrow night me and my friend from work that i go out with sometimes are supposed to be going out, which should be nice. hopefully that goes well. i cant spend too much money so i am going to have to watch what i spend though. but at least i should be able to go out, and not by myself. yeah!!!!!
i have had a very interesting week, i had an issue with my daughters father, we got into an argument which he started because he was upset with me when i didnt agree with him that exactly every other saturday i would bring my daughter back and forth to his house. i said that if i wasnt able to he was welcome to pick her up at mine. and he threw a fit because he didnt want to do that. and he threatened me with physical violence, said that he would kill me, threatened me with cracking my head open with a golf club, hit the inside of the door of my car with, and took a little piece off the molding of my car. so needless to say i am very upset with him, he didnt even apologize or anything afterward. and my daughter saw all of this, and was right there, that makes it even worse. he had her the next day after this (this happened on tuesday) and i didnt say anything to him and he didnt say anything to me. i didnt really say two words to him, i just got her and left. then my husband found out what happened later that night, and got extremely upset, that i was treated like that and that was said to me, and then i had to hear him going on and on about it. then in the middle of this, with my husband getting upset, my friend comes over, who has a dorm that she lives out most of the time like 3 blocks from me, and she stayed for like an hour and a half just sitting and talking. she also came over last night too, and we hung out for a while talking, which was really nice. i like having her come over and hang out more, we have been friends for a while, and we get along pretty well. the only thing is that in a year she is moving to another state far far away. (or so she says) and the crappy part is that another friend of mine just moved yesterday to another city about two hours away too, everyone is leaving me. "sniff" sniff"
i was freaking out for the past couple of days because my boobs were hurting and i hadnt gotten my period and all of that, and i finally got so happy that i got it yesterday in the early afternoon, but i got a few spots and then it went away. but luckily it came back like normal last night, so now i am happy i have my period and i dont have to deal with any other issues. like being pregnant and having to figure all that out. and here is my vow, i am never going to make myself have to deal with that again. whether it is very good protection, whether it is not having sex, i dont care, i am never going to be in the position again of wondering if i am pregnant who the sperm donor would have been. lol. all joking aside i am never going to do that again.
as of right now, i am supposed to be going over my friends house tomorrow morning, and watching her two kids (or one of her kids, not sure yet), while she works for a little bit in the morning, and then when she comes back we are supposed to all hang out for a little while. of course, i am hopefully not going to be watching them in her house, hopefully she is going to chip in some money so that i can take them all somewhere, because if i am stuck with them all in the house. then i dont know what will happen. because i am going to have however many of her kids i am watching, plus my two. hopefully mine behave well.
okay now for the husband complaints. he made 200.00 doing some work at my sons school, during this week, gave me 40.00 towards the rent, which as of today we are yet again a month behind on, because it is due today and he doesnt have any money saved up for it. he also gave me 20.00 that i asked him for because i needed it, and then that was it, the other 140.00 i have no idea what he did with. i asked him if he wanted me to hold any for him, and he said no, and know i asked him for money today and he said he didnt have any. so he must have somehow blew through that much money in 2 days. i cant imagine how. actually i can i just dont want to think about it. then he hasnt cleaned the house in like days, he just keeps making a mess in the house, leaving his dirty clothes and garbage all over the place, doesnt clean it up, the pile of dishes in the sink just kept growing and growing it was disgusting. so yesterday while my friend was here i had to clean up some. and then he says that he will clean some today. and he didnt clean anything. and then he expects me to do it on my days off, if he isnt going to do it on his days off why should i? sigh. on the up and interesting side i was thinking lately about how i have had so many jerks and dumbies, and other names i could say but wont, come in and out of my life in the past what over a year or around a year...but oh well, you know what i mean, and he has always been there and always supported me through everything. granted he can be an irresponsible pain in the butt, but he has always been there. and when i lost my house in the hurricane he did bail me out and give us all a place to stay. and also in the beginning of our relationship, he got us all an apartment to live when i had to move out of my ex's house going through the divorce, and then the way that he was so upset about how my ex treated me on tuesday with the threat and golf club incident, he may be a real pain in the butt, but he has always been there for me. that is all i am going to say about that right now.
the good thing is that the night job that he has now, he is getting saturday nights off, or at least if all goes well that is what he requested for his schedule and he said that they will be giving it to him. so that is good, at least i will be able to go out on my saturday nights. last saturday i went to the movies by myself, sigh, but tomorrow night me and my friend from work that i go out with sometimes are supposed to be going out, which should be nice. hopefully that goes well. i cant spend too much money so i am going to have to watch what i spend though. but at least i should be able to go out, and not by myself. yeah!!!!!
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