"Life Every Day Like It is Your Last, Cause It Could Be"

i feel so upset that it i cant even begin to describe it. what i thought was going to happen, happened, i called the doctor and he finally called me back with the test results at work, and they were exactly what i expected. the test came back abnormal again, and it came back with the precancer cells that can or could have already evolved into cancer. so the next step from here i was told is to have a biopsy done in the office, and then have that sent out to the lab to have screened. so not only am i upset because i really dont want to have this freaking test done because it is not going to be very comfortable at all, but also because i am scared even more now of what the results are going to be. because i know what this means, and it is scaring the crap out of me now. everyone i have been telling has been saying not to worry that it doesnt necessarily mean that there is something wrong, but now i am worried. because it shouldnt have went this far if there was nothing to worry about, so at this point, now i am worried. becauase this means that something is wrong. it is just a question of how bad it is or how far gone it is. so now i am not even worried, i am really scared. i have been feeling even weirder about the guy, texted him this morning to ask him how his day was going, and that was at about 10:30am or so, and he didnt answer me back finally until like 5pm and said that he was sorry his day was okay and that he had been busy. so i said oh did you start your job, and then he said no talk to you later. and that was it. so i said to myself fine, thats it let him contact me. so me and him have now been i'm ing for maybe 45 min or an hour, and everything seems to be back to normal with him and me. so maybe it was just my imagination. i asked him when his busy schedule would be free, and he said that fri or sat was good, so i said that on sat i could leave at 8pm, and then we started to sort of make plans, and i asked him if it was definetly good for him and he said that he didnt see why not. it always seems like he can never make a definite plan. but anyway, he also mentioned that he didnt have much money because the job hadnt started and that it didnt work out. so he said that he wasnt sure what we would do but that we would do something. so thats where we stand right now. so i guess i was just being stupid about him being weird who knows. i guess that time will tell.