Regrets? I've Had A Few.

a lot more then a few or so it has seemed. i talked to that guy last night who dumped me on my ass last month, about exactly a month ago actually. and he said that he regrets saying that to me, and ending it, and that it was a very stupid thing to do. and he said that he wants to make it up to me, my kissing me all over and saying he was sorry, and treating me really good with dinner, etc. (he also said everything in the previous blog from last night too). the sum up of the conversation that we had is that he said that he was very sorry, and that he regrets it and it was dumb, and also that the reason that he had done that was because he was nervous, flipping out, i dont know something like that because of the connection that we had and how well that we got along. (which it was amazing). but for some reason it flipped him out and got him upset. so i asked him about the kids thing, and he said that he should have just been grateful for the time that we had together, instead of saying that, and that was the way that it would be. i asked him if he would flip out about our connection again and he said no that he would handle it, that it wasnt like we were going to run off and get married right away or something like that. he also said that his job was making him crazy or something like that, but that he was leaving this job and had an interview on monday for a 9-5pm mon-fri job, so i wished him well with that. he also said that he is living with his parents now, because where he was staying his friend and his girlfriend owned that house, and apparently he said that it was time for him to move out and give them some alone time. that was basically the sum of the conversation, we didnt make any plans for getting together again or anything like that in the near future. he was asking about what he said about making it up to me, and if that sounded good, and i said that it was start, and that was about all that i said. then i was so drugged on all the medicine that am on, i said that i had to get going because of the medicine that i was on cause i was sick and wasnt feeling good. and that was about it, we had been i'm ing for about an hour before that. and i was literally falling asleep at my computer. so i asked him if he would be on today to i'm again and he said that he should be on. i had told him that i should be on around 8pm tonight, but i didnt get on until 9:15pm because i was busy cleaning my house and trying to make it look nice for tomorrow. so anyway, when i got on he wasnt on (at least that i could see anyway, he was invisible last night) so i i'med him an offline message and said guess i missed you, what i was doing ran late, sorry. and that was it. no response or anything but i dont think that he has been on today, because he hasnt logged in to his my space which is something that he usually does. i havent even decided what i am going to do about him anyway, because after what he put me through and everything i just dont know if i want to go through that again. and then getting involved with someone else again too and being in a "relationship". i just dont know. i guess i am not really worried about being in a relationship, but i am thinking about how my "husband" hasnt been messing up lately, and he seems to be starting to get on the right path, so getting involved in something like this, i dont know, it is just feeling bad. and then of course a major part of me is worried that he is going to hurt me again like he did before. that is a really major part that is worried about that. because as much as i didnt let him know how much he hurt me, he really did. probably because it came out of nowhere, everything was fine, and then bam, there it came. it was just so weird. i guess that at least i got my closure on this one, if i get nothing else, and decide not to start up with him again (i am really going back and forth on that one), because he admitted that he was wrong, that he regrets it, and apologized for what he did. i just wonder why he isnt on tonight, well he did say that he should be on tonight, so i guess that he didnt know for sure if he could be, and that it turned out that he couldnt be. thats okay. i guess. an interesting point is that if we get back together, i have no idea how we are going to be alone together, because my house is off limits, and he is now living with his parents so it seems like that is off limits too. so i dont know what would happen there, i do know that being in the car alone is okay once in while but all the time will suck because it is comfortable. but anyway, i am feeling really depressed tonight, it just seems like everything in my life is stressing me out and upsetting me. now i feel that i have a decision to make about this, which if he doesnt contact me again i wouldnt have to worry about that, but i am sure that he will contact me again. so anyway, i have to make a decision about this, at least i think that i do. then of course there is my husband, my kids, and everything else. i have the concert tomorrow that i have been looking forward to, and i am sick and on medication. so that is just wonderful. it just figures right? it is no wonder that i am depressed. my friend is supposed to be calling me when she is on her way to my house, to get complete directions to my house, and then we are supposed to plan the rest of the way to get to the concert, then she leaves her car at my house, gets in my car, and then we go to the concert. i just hope that she is on time, because she has been late almost every time that i can think of that we have made plans. so hopefully she will be on time and everything will be okay with that. i just dont know everything is flipping me out lately. i will try to update again tomorrow.