"Life Every Day Like It is Your Last, Cause It Could Be"

i feel so upset that it i cant even begin to describe it. what i thought was going to happen, happened, i called the doctor and he finally called me back with the test results at work, and they were exactly what i expected. the test came back abnormal again, and it came back with the precancer cells that can or could have already evolved into cancer. so the next step from here i was told is to have a biopsy done in the office, and then have that sent out to the lab to have screened. so not only am i upset because i really dont want to have this freaking test done because it is not going to be very comfortable at all, but also because i am scared even more now of what the results are going to be. because i know what this means, and it is scaring the crap out of me now. everyone i have been telling has been saying not to worry that it doesnt necessarily mean that there is something wrong, but now i am worried. because it shouldnt have went this far if there was nothing to worry about, so at this point, now i am worried. becauase this means that something is wrong. it is just a question of how bad it is or how far gone it is. so now i am not even worried, i am really scared. i have been feeling even weirder about the guy, texted him this morning to ask him how his day was going, and that was at about 10:30am or so, and he didnt answer me back finally until like 5pm and said that he was sorry his day was okay and that he had been busy. so i said oh did you start your job, and then he said no talk to you later. and that was it. so i said to myself fine, thats it let him contact me. so me and him have now been i'm ing for maybe 45 min or an hour, and everything seems to be back to normal with him and me. so maybe it was just my imagination. i asked him when his busy schedule would be free, and he said that fri or sat was good, so i said that on sat i could leave at 8pm, and then we started to sort of make plans, and i asked him if it was definetly good for him and he said that he didnt see why not. it always seems like he can never make a definite plan. but anyway, he also mentioned that he didnt have much money because the job hadnt started and that it didnt work out. so he said that he wasnt sure what we would do but that we would do something. so thats where we stand right now. so i guess i was just being stupid about him being weird who knows. i guess that time will tell.

Unhappiness

i find that being unhappy is so hard to battle, but it is just so easy for me to be unhappy. i cant seem to get around being unhappy. it seems that so many things are making me unhappy lately, the first thing being of course that i am sick freaking again. of course, what else is new right. and this time i though that i did all the right things, taking all those things to prevent it and everything but i still got sick. and it was probably from my kids, and not from the guy, but it was nice blaming him anyway i guess. so anyway, went to the doctors last night, got myself more freaking meds to take, more antibiotics, and was also told to take more decongestants, and that made me feel a little bit better today then it did yesterday so that at least i can function today. which was good, considering that i cant afford (both financially and to keep my job) to miss anymore work. so anyway, hopefully i continue to feel better. luckily both of the kids are feeling better which is good, all they have is a cough that seems to be getting a tiny bit better everyday. my unhappiness is also caused my the job issue, and the fact that i know that my time there is limited, because it sucks, i really like my job. i hate to go through all that crap again looking for another job, and everything like that. i should just not look for another job, and keep the money that they give me that should last like a month and a half, and then just let my "husband" work 2 jobs like he said and pay all my bills. except for the fact that i doubt that would happen, because i know him, and i want to make sure that my bills actually get paid and not that we have no electric or my car, which is our only car, gets repossessed. i just dont want to go through the whole issue of looking for a job again, i hate doing that. and then people are saying at our job that they have a feeling that one day we are just going to walk in and they are going to have to say that we dont have our jobs anymore, and then we get nothing. course immediately after that i would be going to unemployment and hoping that i got something out of them, but if i didnt i would be screwed. and then of course i am now waiting for my test results to see if i have to have more testing done after this, which is just great, because that whole thing is making me nervous. and i left a message for the doctor this morning and he didnt call me back yet. so that is making me even more upset. and then i have just been feeling weird about the guy for some reason lately, and i dont know why, i dont know if i am really sensing something or if it is because i am just paranoid. it just feels like he is pulling away from me, ever since sat night i have been having that feeling. even though on sunday night when we were i'm ing he said that was only because he was sick, and that he wasnt really like that, which i had seen before of course. but then all day yesterday including the night i didnt hear from him, even though he had said that he would look for me after his thing, which being that i did go to bed early at 10pm maybe that is why he didnt see me online i dont know. then today he did text me while i was at work, and said that he hoped that i was having a nice day, and i said back that it was okay, and how his new job was going, because yesterday was supposed to be the day that he would start, then he said that he didnt start it, so i said that stinks, and then he said back that he was going to be starting the other one that was supposed to be just part time for nights and weekends for a little bit a week (at least that is what he had said before), so i said oh that stinks did u start there yet, and then he never answered me back. this whole conversation was at maybe 3:30pm and after that i havent heard from him since. it is just striking me as weird, it really is. i dont know if it is just me being stupid and weird or what. but whatever, i am not going to contact him, that is my vow and i am sticking to it. i had responded by texting back to him last, and he didnt contact me again after that, so i am not going to contact him again after that. at least i am going to try not to. damn it, i am trying so freaking hard not to get attached again, but it is really hard right now. he has been treating me so well, anywhere we go not matter what we do, he pays for everything, it is never a question about it. he just automatically does it, he opens doors for me, holds my hand, all right you get the freaking picture. i am trying so hard not to fall for him, i really am. because i dont want to get hurt again, i really dont. i dont know if i can deal with it, or go through it again. and of course it doesnt help that my "husband" treats me crappy, shows me no affection or attention whatsoever, except when he wants to argue with me or point out something that he thinks that i have done wrong. that is the only times that i receive any attention from him whatsoever. i dont even remember the last time that me and him were intimate, it was maybe a month ago? or more. it has to have been around that time, it has honestly been so long that i dont even remember anymore. it is just like having a roommate, except for the fact that i have to where a stupid ring around my finger. which doesnt mean crap. marriage is only a piece of paper, it is only how you feel in your heart, and in my heart he has more of a pain in the butt roommate then a husband, that is the way that it has been for a while. well, being that the guy still hasnt come online and it is now 10:10pm i am going to bed. i am definetly holding to my vow of not contacting him tonight, as for tomorrow i am not so sure. the only reason that i might consider contacting him tomorrow is that tomorrow night is really the last night that we can go out and spend more time together like from 8:30 until sat night, because on thurs and fri i wouldnt be able to leave the house probably until 10pm and not get anywhere til 10:30pm. but then again maybe i should just stop making that my problem and just take a step back from it again. i dont know. tyn, i know that you were supposed to call me or i was supposed to call you but honestly i still dont feel well, and my state of mind isnt that great either, and of course you know freaking who had to come home early tonight to, at like 8:45 so i hope that it is okay if we reschedule for thursday night. let me know if its okay.

Freaking Bastard Got Me Sick

i really thought that this was going to happen, and now it seems that it has and i am very upset about it. my kids have been sick all week, and last week, and i have been taking airbourne and zicam to stop myself from getting it. and now i have an incredibly sore throat, and am so tired that it isnt even funny. i am so tired that i am not even sitting up straight to type on the computer i am leaning back on the chair. i am i'ming the guy right now and talking to him about last night, and how i felt. he said that is not how he usually is, and it was because he was sick he didnt want to cough all over me, and that he was so tired and not feeling well that was why he couldnt keep going. so anyway, were talking now for a few more minutes, and then i am going to go to sleep. even though this is relatively early for me, i feel like crap right now. so he did apologize for that and whatever, i dont know though, i still feel a little off about the situation though, but what he is saying is true, it isnt like him to do something like that, and he even said it that he loves laying with me. in the conversation he said that next weekend he would have to see what type of schedule that he got from the new job that he is starting tomorrow, and that he should have his schedule tomorrow, and that he hadnt ruled out during the week, but that he had to wait and see what his schedule would be like. then he said that he had to go, and that he would look for me tomorrow night after his thing that he does. so i guess that we will just wait and see, for some reason i still just feel a little off about this whole thing, even though with what he said i shouldnt be. i better end this so i can try to get some sleep now.

Did The Energizer Bunny's Batteries Really Die?

or was that the excuse that i was given. okay here is the story from last night. we had planned for me to leave at about 8pm, which i did and that we were going to meet at near his parents house, which we did. so that all went well. everything went on schedule, we were both happy to see each other. so that was fine. i didnt even bring up him cancelling on me on wednesday night. so first we went out to dinner, had a really nice time, good conversation, good food, you get the idea, i would say that went really well. then we went to a very nice pool hall, and shot two games of pool, which also went well, there was lots of teasing, touching, you get the idea. towards the end basically we were torturing each other. so when we were leaving i said should i use the bathroom here, because we werent sure what we were going to do after that, and he said no, so then we said that we were going near his parents house. so i said that i better go to the bathroom then, so he took me to a gas station and i went to the bathroom, and then we went to a spot near his parents house. now through this whole night, probably once at the restaurant and maybe two times the most at the pool hall, he mentioned that it must be the change of the weather because his sinus were bothering him. so i just left it at that. so then when we went near his parents house, and got umm cozy, within not even 3 or 4 minutes he was done. i of course wasnt anywhere near done, and he said that he must be getting sick because he was sweating and extremely tired. and he didnt feel well, and that was probably why his sinus were acting up. he knew of course that i hadnt gotten mine, no apology or nothing for that, just that he didnt think that the batteries would be recharging. not even maybe 5 minutes after he said that, he was hinting at me that he should really get inside, take his medicine, blah blah, so i gracefully took the hint that he was saying for me to leave and i did. and that was basically that, he said that he should be online tonight. and also at some point that night, i dont remember what point, i he mentioned that he should have this schedule for this week on either monday or tuesday. which is fine. i am perturbed about this night, first of all i am just hoping that i dont get sick now, because everyone in my house has been sick instead of me, and me and him were definetly kissing an awful lot for me to be getting all his germs. i just cant miss any more work, financially or the fact that we are only able to miss so much. that and i really dont like being sick. (not that anyone does, but still.) so i have been trying to take airborne and zicam and all that stuff so i dont get sick. and hope that works. that isnt really what is perturbing me though. for some reason i just feel like a cheap girl or a hooker or something to that effect. my back hurts because of an uncomfortable surface that i was on, and i just feel used i guess. i really cant describe it any other way, i dont know if it was intentional or not, but i was treated well, taken out to dinner, and entertainment afterward, and then after that he got his and was just completely done, and didnt seem to want to know jack about me. the other reason maybe that i am feeling this way is that last week when we went out he got his too, the only difference is that last time at least it wasnt just that and thats it, we spent time together afterward. this time it was literally that he was done, and that was that, he was hinting for me to leave. so i just feel really used right now. he had said that he should be home tonight, so most likely that meant that he was planning on im'ing me tonight. so we will see if he does. i just feel really weird and upset about the whole experience that happened last night.

Thanksgiving Weekend Update

thanksgiving day was a very busy day for everyone. we spent the whole day basically on the road or out at someones house. first i took the kids to my mothers for thanksgiving "lunch" then i dropped off my daughter at her dads, and came back home to pick up my "husband" then brough him to his dads house for us to have dinner. then he got the idea that he also wanted to go to his sisters house to also see his brother. so we had to go and do that too. so basically i had to travel an hour back and forth to my mothers, then a half hour to his dads, another half hour to his sisters, then about 45 minutes back to our house finally. so i was exhausted from all of this. for christmas i am definetly going to be doing everything at home, and everyone is invited, and whoever doesnt want to come doesnt have to, that is fine, i am not driving all around the county like i did this year. my son has been feeling a lot better this weekend, but unfortunately my daughter is still sick, and has still not been feeling well, with no appetite, coughing sneezing, immediately after you give her the medicine, she starts screaming that she wants to throw it up, and running for the bathroom. so it has been an interesting weekend with that. i did a ton of shopping on friday especially got an outfit with an extra top for myself, a lot of toys for the kids, and also a digital camera with a memory card. which is basically for me because it is like a new toy for me, but of course i will be taking pictures mostly of the kids. yesterday i did some shopping too, with my main focus being the kmart sales that they had on kids toys, and i got a ton of things there. the main problem with all this shopping that i have been doing is that i dont really have the money for it, and it is therefore coming out of the small amount that i have left in my savings, which has gone from the thousands that it started off in the beginning of this year to the hundreds. so that is bad. but what can i do? today i really took it easy with the kids, didnt wake up until 9am due to being out late (not that late really though) until 12:30am, and i only went to one store really quick (didnt even buy anything) then i went to publix to do the grocery shopping. that was about it so far for today. i am going to post about what happened last night with my date that was rescheduled with the guy, because trust me i need to dedicate a whole new post to that. here are some pictures from this weekend with the kids:

most of these were taken with the new digital camera that i bought, which was very inexpensive so i didnt know how well that it would work. but i would say that overall it wasnt that bad. i just have to learn when to use the flash and when to not use the flash.

Why Do I Bother?

this is just going to have to be a quick update, because i just want to go to sleep right now, that is how frustrated that i am with everything. my son started to feel better, thank god, but he had a 103.7 fever on monday and i had to end up staying home with him and taking care of him on monday. i took him to the doctor, and then said that he had the flu and that he should feel better soon, that isnt something that they give antibiotics for. so now he is feeling better. which is good. the bad thing is that monday night my daughter started feeling sick, and now she hasnt really been feeling good since then which stinks. i feel bad for her, especially being that tomorrow is thanksgiving. her fever hasnt really gotten that high, today it only said 100.5 but her stomach has been really upset and she has been throwing up, so i hope that she feels better for tomorrow. when i went back to work on tuesday, i was advised by my manager that i had missed a meeting, and that the meeting basically stated that the location that i work for is going to be closing and that my time there is limited. the date that is my last day is may 31st there, and that is it. so they are giving incentives if you stay there to the end, basically for me it is that if i stay there til that date, then i will receive a month and a half of pay extra on my last check. so that will give me that much time to look for, find and start another job. so i have decided that i will do that. the first week or two i will probably just take off to relax and be with my kids. that will be nice. then probably after being home that long i will start getting antsy anyway. my "husband" and i discussed it and he said that if i couldnt find a job during that time, that he would have to just get a second job and that i would have to stay home and worry about the kids until i found something, and that he would have to pay my share of the bills with that. that amazed me because that is not something that he would normally say. but hopefully it doesnt come to that, cause i really dont want to test him on if that would really happen. my last day of work is also the last day of school for my daughter. so that works out in a very interesting way. i guess that means that i will be home with my daughter a lot, or hopefully not, i would really like to relax for a week or two, and then get a job quickly and start the job, i just hope that i can find a job that pays me as much as i make now, if not more. and also that offers the same benefits and insurance comparable to what i have now. the kids got to watch the movie cars, which i rented for them over the weekend, so they watched that twice and i just gave it back. i just took out now ice age 2, so they will be watching that over the weekend. so i guess that we will see if they like it. well, the guy never contacted me the last time that i blogged in here which was sunday, and when i heard from him on monday he said that he had gotten involved in a football game and basically i guess that he had forgotten about me. so we talked for a little while that night (which was monday night) and then he said quite suddenly that he had to go, and play softball, and that he would talk to me tomorrow. he also said during that conversation about us going out tues or weds, so i said that weds would be better. then last night, we talked for quite a while, probably about an hour and a half, and we agreed that we were going to go out tonight, the time that i would leave the house, stuff like that. he said that he would text me more about (like what we were doing because he was going to surprise me, and stuff like that) so today, at about 3:30pm he texts me saying that he is going to have to reschedule. and then he sends me another text saying that he would talk to me tonight. so i texted him back why does he have to reschedule, and he texted me back that it was a family thing and that he was sorry. and that was that, after that i didnt even bother to respond, i was so annoyed. so he got online at about 10pm or so now, and said that he was sorry but that his aunt was in from out of town and that she wanted to see them and couldnt wait until tomorrow. so now he is saying hes sorry, blah blah blah. that he should have told his family no, but he is a pussy. so i guess that we will see what happens with that. i am still pretty annoyed.

My Nice/Okay/Lazy/My Son Is Sick Weekend

my weekend was okay, it was good and bad. went shopping at walmart yesterday, and then met my parents at burger king for lunch, and the kids played in the playground and had some fun. then went to the video store, and bought them racing strips, also bought myself a movie there too. here are some pictures from that:

then of course it was time for my "date" (i guess that it would be called that) which was nice. it went really well. i left the house at 8:30 and got to his old house at 9pm, which was on the way to his parents house, so i picked him up because he had gotten a ride there with his brother for his friends relatives birthday party, and then we went to his parents house and left my car and took his. so then we went to the movies and got something to eat at subway after the movie. it was nice, i had a good time, and he treated me well, opening up doors, and all that sort of stuff. he paid for the movies and tried to pay for our dinner too, but the credit card machine there was broken, so i ended up paying for it, but that was okay. we didnt have actual s*x, we just fooled around some, and i made him happy :) i couldnt be made happy, even if we or i wanted to (which at a few points i did) because i had my period. :( oh well, he made several comments throughout the night that we would be going out and seeing each other again, so we will see what happens with that. i promised myself something about this and that was i wasnt going to appear needy or pushy, or anything like that. i am letting him do everything at his own speed. so i didnt say anything to him last night about the next time that we would see each other, or when i would talk to him again. when we said goodbye he said that he would talk to me at some point today, and i said okay. and that was it, he didnt say anything about a next time or when it would be, and i didnt either, there were certain times in the conversation when he alluded that we would getting together again, but that was it. i am not starting anything, i am not the first to contact him, i am not going to be the one to ask about making plans, and as i had informed him, i will never be the one to beg him not to leave me or anything to that effect. anyway, today my son wasnt feeling good at all, he crawled into my bed, and feel asleep on his own to take a nap at noon, and he was coughing and had a slight fever for most of the day. i felt bad for him. so being that he felt so bad especially, i stayed home til like 2pm, and just went and rented movies cars for the kids which they watched day, and the breakup for me to watch, which i havent watched yet. and i went to the pharmacy to get medicine for my son, and had to take the kids with me to go grocery shopping at publix. my poor son felt so bad that while i was grocery shopping he was resting his head on his big stuffed dog, and would barely lift his head up. i did hear from the guy briefly so far today, he texted me and said hi and that he loved last night, then he asked if i would be on later and i said yes that i would be on til 10 cause i had to get some sleep tonight because i had to work tomorrow. and considering that i got home at 2am (from being with him) and got back up at 7am, so that was only 5 hours of sleep. so he said okay, that he would talk to me later. so as soon as i got on at 8:30 he was there, and we i'm for maybe 20 minutes the most, so we really didnt talk about absoluetly anything interesting or important, and then he said brb okay? and i said okay, and now it is 9:57pm and he still hasnt come back on (he actually logged out of the im). which is weird. so i dont know what happened. update on the publix thing, nothing really interesting is happening with that, the district manager said that he would give the info to risk management in their company for them to look at. for the wings plus issue that i was having, i got a hold of the owner of that restaurants brother, who also owns another restaurant, and told him what had happened with how the manager treated me, and he said that he would tell his brother, and i left my phone number with him in case he wanted to talk to me. i had a car issue tonight, because one of tires was almost flat. so my "husband" put a fix a flat in there, and also inflated it, so hopefully that wont cause me anymore issues. also my throat has been a little sore today, so i hope that i am not getting sick, which would really suck, with the holidays and especially the fact that i am still on the antibiotics from the last time that i was sick. well it is now 10:02pm so i am logging out of the computer, and going to be getting ready for bed. guess that something happened with him, i am sure that he will contact me and let me know. i guess we will see with that.

My Frustrating And Stressful Day

today was by far one of the most insane days that i have had in a really long time. first it got started at work where i am still training someone who has been slowly but surely annoying me because he acts like he knows it all, and has been pushing his way into my life at work, including but not limited to sitting with me eating lunch which has always been sacred for me because i have ate lunch with only the same group of girls that i started with. so he is taking over all of that it seems, and it is really bothering me. then i found out at my job that a rumor that has been going around that they are moving the location that i work for to orlando in january is probably true, and that we of course would then be out of our jobs. so what was said today was that we would find out more information on monday. then of course tomorrow is my supervisors last day, and what has been being said is that they arent going to have another one right now, so i am sure that means we will have to answer to the other one, and i am going to have a problem if they want all the calls cleared out before we leave, because i have to leave exactly at 5 and i dont think that i can wait until they are cleared out. so when they tell us that and i say that i cant i am sure that there is going to be a problem. then to add more to my wonderful day i go out of work a few minutes late talking about this whole issue, and then there was a traffic light out and they had a cop directing traffic, so it was really backed up. so i was late picking up my son by 6 minutes past the time that we had agreed upon, which she didnt seem to happy about. then i finally contacted a manager at Wings Plus about my issue that i had with the my credit card being refunded for a charge that wasnt supposed to be there because i didnt authorize it. the manager whose name was roger was very rude and said that the refund was issued on monday and that if i hadnt received it yet that i would need to contact my bank about that. so then when i tried to tell him why i was getting the refund, he didnt care, and just said well you are got one. then i asked him we he hadnt returned my calls, and he said because he didnt have any information from me, so i asked him if he couldnt just call me back and say that he was looking into it, and he said no. then he said look you arent going to get anything else out of me (which was strange cause i didnt ask him for anything else) and he said i am busy and i have to go. so i said you are so rude, he said yeah, and the hung up. so i was very upset and aggravated about this, so i called back and spoke with a stupid female, who i asked if he was the manager and she said i guess, so then i asked for a manager or someones name who was over him, and she said i dont know hold on, put me on hold, and then the same guy "roger" got back on the phone and found out who i was then didnt give me a chance to speak after that, and just said that if i kept pursuing this that he wouldnt take anymore delivery orders from my company anymore, and then he hung up on me again without giving me a chance to speak. so i was so upset that i called another one of there locations and got the name of the owner of that location and a way to contact him. when i got home though i did see the refund on my bank account, so i am not sure if i am going to pursue it now. i am really upset by the way that i was treated by him though it was horrible. then i am still dealing with publix with the sandwhich incident, it has turned out to be a real pain in the ass. i have been having all these different people contacting me and everything about all different things, and the basic sumation of all of it so far is that nothing has been found out or happened. so far, the entire thing has been pointless. because they said that they couldnt find anything in the sandwich or the store. which is like yeah okay, if you say so. so that is the summary of my wonderful day today. as for the guy, he texted me last night right after i was laying down and said hi, so i didnt answer and i fell asleep right after that. so i texted him back this morning and said that i was sorry and that i had fallen asleep. after saying a few texts back and forth i said that it was busy at work, and asked if he would be on tonight. he said that he would be. and now we have been i'm ing for about the past 2 hours, just talking about different stuff like my job issue, what we did in the past, our plans for saturday which are me leaving my house at 8pm, and i should be near where he is staying at about 8:30pm. so that is about it. i am about to get going with him now cause i gotta get some sleep.

The Concert and Guy Update

i did get to go to the concert even though my friend got me nervous because she was feeling ill when she left her house, and she got to my house a little late. but she started to feel better when we got there, so that was okay. it was an awesome concert, i didnt have to miss a minute of the people that i went there to see which was sugarland opening for brooks and dunn, i got to see every minute of their acts, which were awesome. we were only 10 minutes late, and the acts hadnt even started yet, so that was okay. my friend and i had a really good time, then after the concert was over which was from maybe 7:40-10:40pm. we went near my house, which with traffic and everything we didnt get to near my house til 11:30pm, so we then went to denny's had dinner and talked for a really long time til like 1:45am. here are a few pictures, there are only two one of the ticket and one of the concert, but i couldnt really take pictures with my camera phone because it was so dark and it doesnt have a flash. so i have took a lot of pictures with a regular camera that i have.

so i finally came home went to bed and got back up at 6:30am to bring my daughter to school. then i talked to the guy some who happened to be online when i got home (we didnt really talk about anything earth shattering though), then went out to lunch with my husband, came home took a nap, then went to my docs appointment. which he did testing that i wont have the results from for another 2 weeks which i have to contact him to get. so then after that i went to my exs house, we went to a cell phone dealer, and being that the contract that i had with both of our phones is expiring and i wanted another contract for cheaper so i wouldnt have to pay as much on it, we got another contract and brand new razor phones. which my ex paid for everything with that. so that was nice. i got a brand new razor phone, case, and car charger. i also got a new number, so i am going to be picky on who gets my new number now. i am still going to have the old number for about another week, so right now i am carrying around both phones, because they are both working right now. i havent cancelled the old one because i still have another week before my contract ends with them. so that was my monday. then yesterday was nothing really interesting, i went to work was told about a meeting that they wanted me to attend today on a training for running reports and monitering at my job which is a supervisor job that is normally done. so it went to the meeting this morning, and learned what i had to learn, and to pieces of information that i picked up at that time, was that other then the higher manager and a manager of another group i was the only one there, that they had no one to fill the spot at this time that was being vacated and also that they were most likely going to be promoting one of us from our group. so that is interesting. so i really dont know if that means that maybe i am being considered for the position, i dont know. the guy texted me yesterday morning said hi, and asked what was going on. he also asked about if i could go out last night, and i said i couldnt no sitter, and he said that was okay, and said that he just wanted to kiss me so bad, and then he said that he would be online that night. so then i talked to the guy online last night, and there was several interesting things that we talked about. we were talking about our plans for saturday night and he mentioned going to downtown fort lauderdale, and that i could leave my car near his parents house, because i said that he could drive because i didnt want to. and he said that he cant spend to much right now, unless he gets this job. so i dont know exactly what we are going to be doing, but i do know that with that comment he really sounds like frank in the fact that right now he doesnt have a job, and he left a job, at least i think he left and didnt get fired, without having another job. sound familar right? but right now i dont care, cause i am not in a relationship with him, but if i ever was this would be something that i would think about. so then he said that what we could do downtown was :maybe going downtown...we can walk around...club,bar, dance, whatever or....we can find do dinner and look for a quiet place to just relax. so i guess that we will see what we do. that all sounds okay though. he also told me where his parents live for when i have to go there to leave the car on saturday. in the conversation i also asked him if he was just looking for a "f**k" buddy and he said no, that he wanted a friend and someone to care for him too because that got boring. and then he said you are the first person that has shown as much intrest in me as i have in you and i said and yet you got weirded out go figure and he said yeah i am weird. which wasnt really an answer. and then he said that he was falling in love with me (and that was why he had freaked out so much), and he said i love you, and i said umm i have feelings for you too, and he said good answer that was a trick, and that he didnt really mean that he loved me he wasnt ready to say that yet, and that falling in love with me meant that he was getting there. that was about the end of the conversation, i said i had to get going to get some sleep and that was that, there was no discussion of when we would talk to each other next or nothing like that. so today i havent heard from him at all, which isnt usual for the pattern that he has been taking so far (other then saturday), i didnt get any texts on my phone and i was online from about 8:30-10pm and he wasnt there. or didnt say anything, because i wouldnt know if he was online or not, it seems like he is always invisible. so that is the update.

Before Concert Update

i realized that i forgot to say what i had done yesterday, not that it was anything that interesting, but i usually try to say what i have done. so yesterday, i met my parents at walmart, did my walmart shopping, got the shoes/boots really that i was looking for to match my outfit for the concert tonight. then took the kids to burger king with my parents and we talked for a while and the kids played in the playground there while we did that. then i came home, and the kids, my "husband" and i went grocery shopping at publix. then we went to dinner at pollo tropical. and that was about it for yesterday. as i said yesterday, i didnt come across the guy online last night, so that was it for that yesterday. then this morning, i did a lot of cleaning (i also did some yesterday) and vacuumed and gave my car a wash, took the kids to the playground near my house, and also did some shopping at cvs. that was about it.

came across the guy online this afternoon, and we i'med for a little while here is a sum up of the conversation. the reason that he wasnt online last night was because he had a wedding to go to, and everyone went downtown after and he wasnt expecting that. he got my message that i left him last night and also was thinking of me last night, because he was dancing with some people and wished it was me that he was dancing with, because it is a horrible tease and he knew that i wouldnt have been teasing. we kind of went back and forth for a while with him asking me if i wanted "it" again, and me saying maybe and not really giving him an answer. he did say that he hadnt slept with anyone last night, or anyone else since us, so i asked why and he said that he remembered my rule about if we are having sex that we dont have sex with anyone else. so i asked him if that meant he was planning on sleeping with me again, and he said that he didnt want to be with anyone else again, that it was the best that he ever had, no b.s. he asked how it was for me, and i said that it was good. then he said how long would it be before we were naked again, and i answered awfully assuming arent we? dont lie, you really are wondering that. and he said yes, asked about me wearing a skirt. so then i answered him about that, and told him that he was going to have to think about a better location then the car, and then he started suggesting a hotel room, beach, and another car. and the house if they werent there, and werent supposed to be back for a while. then he said that about the hotel, he would want to do that on a friday or saturday night because he wanted to spend the night with me and wake up next to me, so i answered that it would have to be waking up pretty early though, he asked why, and i answered that i would have to be at my house relatively early (because of the kids, and letting "my husband" get to work, but i didnt say that. i honestly dont know how i would work that one with him, i think that he would get suspicious, but anyway). he answered thats cool, so i asked him if he was sure, and he said yes, and that he wasnt thinking that there would be much sleep going on anyway. then the end was that he said that he had to get off, and asked if i would be on later. i said that i wouldnt be on tonight, and that i would be getting off at 3:30pm. (which is not correct, i am probably going to sign at 4pm), but he said that he would look for me this afternoon and that if not he would talk to me at some point tomorrow. and that was it.

i really havent decided what i want to do about that, i do like him a lot, but i am just scared that i am going to get hurt again, and something is going to happen or it isnt going to work out. he dumped me on my ass with no warning for a really dumb reason, what is to say that couldnt happen again? i am just nervous about this, and then with us having to look for a location, that could go one of two ways, it could be adventorous in the beginning and then get annoying, or it could stay an adventure, i guess that would depend on how it was looked at. i just dont know about the whole situation, it is just confusing me. i am really leaning towards doing it again, and being with him again, i am just scared though. but i really want to be with him again, i really do. he made me feel good, and i really liked him and the way that he treated me and took care of me. it was great.

well, as for my health and my illness right now, i am feeling okay i guess. i have been blowing my nose and sneezing like constantly this morning and afternoon, but that is probably because the antibiotic is causing everything to come out, and other then that i havent taken any medicine today, i am waiting until right before i leave for the concert to take something, because that is when i am going to want it the most. i am just in a weird off mood today for some reason, my sleep last night wasnt that good, probably because i dont feel good and because i have so much on my mind. so maybe no sleep is why my mood has been weird today, i dont know. i had a weird dream last night, that i was back together with (HIM)(not the guy i was just talking about) and that i was happy being back with him. and then i asked him something (i think that it was something about before he was back with me, when he was with the girl that he is now), and he said something about not bringing it back up. so i didnt) and that is all that i remember. my stomach thankfully is still okay. i was getting a little cramps in it that it thought was gas so after what happened last time when i was on this medication i immediately took some gas x and now it seems to have settled down. so that is good. i havent heard from my friend yet today, which is fine she had said that she wasnt going to be here until 5pm, and that she would call when she was getting off the highway (which is basically right here) so that is fine i am not expecting to here from her yet. now to add more to my aggravation this issue that i had with the wings place, where they were supposed to be not charging me for the food because it was 2 hours late and messed up is coming back to haunt me. even though they said that they werent going to charge me, and i didnt sign for the credit card charge, they charged it took my credit card anyway. so now i am trying to get a hold of the manager, to tell that, and i have been told 2 times over 3 hours that the manager wasnt there and that she would call me back. and i am still waiting since noon for that. then with the publix sub thing they had called and left a message on my "husbands" phone that they had found nothing wrong with it when they had analyzed it. how they could have found nothing wrong with it when there were maggots in it, i couldnt tell you that. so i called today and that manager wasnt there, so i left a message for him to call me tomorrow. then i also need to call my cell phone company tomorrow and find out more information about cancelling my service when my contract is up, when exactly it is up, and how much of a remaining bill that i will have to pay when i do that. so glad that i have tomorrow off, i have to make sure that i get all these things done tomorrow. well, at least i should have the chance tomorrow to get all this done. well, i gotta get going, the kids are getting restless i told them that i would take them outside to ride their bikes so i better get going, then my "husband" is supposed to be coming home, and i am going to start getting ready to leave once he gets home. i'll try to update tomorrow

Regrets? I've Had A Few.

a lot more then a few or so it has seemed. i talked to that guy last night who dumped me on my ass last month, about exactly a month ago actually. and he said that he regrets saying that to me, and ending it, and that it was a very stupid thing to do. and he said that he wants to make it up to me, my kissing me all over and saying he was sorry, and treating me really good with dinner, etc. (he also said everything in the previous blog from last night too). the sum up of the conversation that we had is that he said that he was very sorry, and that he regrets it and it was dumb, and also that the reason that he had done that was because he was nervous, flipping out, i dont know something like that because of the connection that we had and how well that we got along. (which it was amazing). but for some reason it flipped him out and got him upset. so i asked him about the kids thing, and he said that he should have just been grateful for the time that we had together, instead of saying that, and that was the way that it would be. i asked him if he would flip out about our connection again and he said no that he would handle it, that it wasnt like we were going to run off and get married right away or something like that. he also said that his job was making him crazy or something like that, but that he was leaving this job and had an interview on monday for a 9-5pm mon-fri job, so i wished him well with that. he also said that he is living with his parents now, because where he was staying his friend and his girlfriend owned that house, and apparently he said that it was time for him to move out and give them some alone time. that was basically the sum of the conversation, we didnt make any plans for getting together again or anything like that in the near future. he was asking about what he said about making it up to me, and if that sounded good, and i said that it was start, and that was about all that i said. then i was so drugged on all the medicine that am on, i said that i had to get going because of the medicine that i was on cause i was sick and wasnt feeling good. and that was about it, we had been i'm ing for about an hour before that. and i was literally falling asleep at my computer. so i asked him if he would be on today to i'm again and he said that he should be on. i had told him that i should be on around 8pm tonight, but i didnt get on until 9:15pm because i was busy cleaning my house and trying to make it look nice for tomorrow. so anyway, when i got on he wasnt on (at least that i could see anyway, he was invisible last night) so i i'med him an offline message and said guess i missed you, what i was doing ran late, sorry. and that was it. no response or anything but i dont think that he has been on today, because he hasnt logged in to his my space which is something that he usually does. i havent even decided what i am going to do about him anyway, because after what he put me through and everything i just dont know if i want to go through that again. and then getting involved with someone else again too and being in a "relationship". i just dont know. i guess i am not really worried about being in a relationship, but i am thinking about how my "husband" hasnt been messing up lately, and he seems to be starting to get on the right path, so getting involved in something like this, i dont know, it is just feeling bad. and then of course a major part of me is worried that he is going to hurt me again like he did before. that is a really major part that is worried about that. because as much as i didnt let him know how much he hurt me, he really did. probably because it came out of nowhere, everything was fine, and then bam, there it came. it was just so weird. i guess that at least i got my closure on this one, if i get nothing else, and decide not to start up with him again (i am really going back and forth on that one), because he admitted that he was wrong, that he regrets it, and apologized for what he did. i just wonder why he isnt on tonight, well he did say that he should be on tonight, so i guess that he didnt know for sure if he could be, and that it turned out that he couldnt be. thats okay. i guess. an interesting point is that if we get back together, i have no idea how we are going to be alone together, because my house is off limits, and he is now living with his parents so it seems like that is off limits too. so i dont know what would happen there, i do know that being in the car alone is okay once in while but all the time will suck because it is comfortable. but anyway, i am feeling really depressed tonight, it just seems like everything in my life is stressing me out and upsetting me. now i feel that i have a decision to make about this, which if he doesnt contact me again i wouldnt have to worry about that, but i am sure that he will contact me again. so anyway, i have to make a decision about this, at least i think that i do. then of course there is my husband, my kids, and everything else. i have the concert tomorrow that i have been looking forward to, and i am sick and on medication. so that is just wonderful. it just figures right? it is no wonder that i am depressed. my friend is supposed to be calling me when she is on her way to my house, to get complete directions to my house, and then we are supposed to plan the rest of the way to get to the concert, then she leaves her car at my house, gets in my car, and then we go to the concert. i just hope that she is on time, because she has been late almost every time that i can think of that we have made plans. so hopefully she will be on time and everything will be okay with that. i just dont know everything is flipping me out lately. i will try to update again tomorrow.

Being Sick Really Freaking Sucks

so this is the weekend that i have been looking forward to for like 2 months, because this is the weekend of my concert and also the weekend that i have a 3 day weekend because i took monday off too. and i just had to get sick and catch whatever it was that everyone else has had, especially at my sick, because every one there has beeen sick. just great. i have been battling a sore throat for a few days, and wasnt doing so bad, but then today knocked me out. the throat was incredibly sore, i was coughing, runny nose, sneezing, and my ears hurt. so i gave up and went to the urgent care center after i got out of work today. i figured that i better go to the doctors and start getting some medicine in me. so i went to the doctor, and got diagnosed with having the same bug that everyone else does (and that is exactly what the doctor said too) and she gave me an antibiotic. it wasnt until i left there that i discovered that was the same medicine that i was on last month when i was sick (which ironically enough i was sick enough to stay home from work a month ago yesterday)that i think upset my stomach so bad last month. so i am just hoping that if it was that medicine that it doesnt do it again, and that maybe it just wasnt the medicine last time. i am kicking myself for not remembering the medicine or what happened to me last time when i took it. oh well, i guess that we will see what happens. worrying about it now will probably not do anything but upset my stomach, i am sure. i talked to my friend about the concert and everything is good to go, she seems excited about going too. hopefully i feel better then i do now, the doctor said that i should though. and she gave me some suggestions for medicine and things to do too, to help. but anyway, me and my friend kind of went over what we are wearing, and she said that she is going to be at my house 2 hours before the concert so that we can finish our plans for driving there and everything and get going there. so i am excited about going. i have mostly planned out my outfit, i just have to figure out the shoes that i am wearing there, i really want to get a new pair of shoes for it, because i have an idea of the ones that i want, i just cant seem to find my size anywhere in the style that i want. i guess it is because i have a popular shoe size. but anyway i am really excited about going. my daughter didnt have school today, so she went to something like a zoo, with a day camp that i put her in for the 2 days this week that they were off, she had fun, even though for some reason she was being really bad and not lisitening with i picked her up today. maybe she did so much today that she was overtired. i am trying not to get worked up about the doctors appointment that i have on monday afternoon, and i am trying not to worry about it or get stressed out, because whatever the results are going to be, they are going to be. i am just upset about the whole situation with it though. someone at my job made comment that i am always sick or have something wrong with me, and i said like i really make it happen or have any say in it whatsoever. i wish i did have a say, because then of course i wouldnt be sick. because it sucks being sick and having issues like i do. trust me. i know. i mentioned something to one of the girls that i work with, who i generally consider a friend, or thought that i did anyway, about being worried that if there is something wrong with me that i might not be able to ever have another kid. and she made a comment to me that i should be happy with the ones that i have, because she has been trying for a while now and cant even have one. which yes, it does suck for her, but still i was telling her something that was bothering me, and she didnt even act very caring. it just bothers me because i really want another child, eventually, if things ever change a little i suppose, but still, i have wanted another one for a long time in the back of my mind, and now if i cant have one because of all this i will be devasted. that is the only way that i can describe how i am going to feel if i found out that i cant have another child because of my issues. right now my "husband" is at work, he was already saying that someone at his day job was getting on his case,and saying that something was his fault when it wasnt. and then about his night job he said that the owner was getting on him about something too. that is quick considering that at the night job it is only his 2nd day there. me job isnt going that great either, it is going okay i guess. there is something going on at my job, we all just havent figured out if it is them firing people or what it is about, but someone was told that we would find out at the end of the month. i do know that my direct manager gave his resignation and that he will be leaving sometime next week. which sucks because he has been there as long as i have, he was only there a week and a half before me. i really liked him too, he was a good manager and a great guy. he was always making us laugh, he had an awesome sense of humor. i am going definetly going to miss hearing him at work. interestingly enough that guy that dumped me on my butt in october just i'med me and we have been talking for the past few minutes, he apologized and said that he is sorry, and that it was dumb for him to not keep seeing me, and that it wa a dumb choice. he also said that what ever time that we spent together would be cool and that we would have figured it out eventually. i am still talking to him now, but i took some nyquill like an hour ago, and am getting so sleepy that it isnt even funny. so i dont know how long that the conversation is going to last, or how it will end, but i will try to post more maybe tomorrow.

Extremely Quick Update

i was going to update and put more today, but i got busy and distracted and now i dont really have the time, because i really have to go to bed so that i can get up early for work tomorrow. so this is going to be quick. my daughter went to the doctor with her father, and that the doctor said that she is fine, thank you soooo much, that made me so happy, and that it was just a rash and hives probably caused by an allergic reaction. so i took the lotion that i had just bought for her that she had used and i am pretty sure that had caused it, and threw them in the garbage. the doctor had given her medicine, but it wasnt even really bothering her anymore, so i havent given her any of the medicine, and i saved it in case it is ever needed again. whcih is really hope that it never is. i am just so happy that it was chicken pox. i havent been feeling very well for the past few days, my throat has been sore and i have been drippy and feeling off, so i am sure that i am starting to catch or fighting what has been going around my job. which sucks. my concert that i have been looking forward to for so long is on sunday so i really hope that i feel okay for that. my husband still has the day job that he started recently, and he just started another night job tonight where he is going to be working tues, thurs and friday. hopefully it works out okay, tonight was his first night and he seemed pretty happy with it, and he said that they were happy with him which is good. so we will see how that works out, hopefully it works well, he needs all the extra money that he can get right now. or i should say that we need all the extra money that we can get. well, gotta get some sleep now. i will try to update tomorrow.

Rashes, Oh God No!!!!

i am extremely uspset and nervous right now. my daughter who is sick and has been in school over several years now, came home on monday saying that she was itchy. i didnt really think nothing of it, thought it was something from when she was walking home from school. and i put some regular lotion on it, we even went out for ice cream and she went to sleep later on. this morning she was okay too, just a little red in the spot that she was itching. but when i picked her up from camp (cause there was no school today, she went to camp and went to the movies, a plaster castle, and had pizza) she had a rash, at least i thought that was what it was, on her arm and it had some raised bumps on it that looked like mosquito bites. so i got her an appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning which her dad is taking her to, and she is not going to school tomorrow. it seems like it is spreading now, because she was saying that now her foot and butt are itchy too, and when i looked her butt had some bumps too, course i dont know if it is just doing that because she is itching. i am just scared now that it is going to be something contagious like chicken poxes, because i havent ever had it and it is really bad for adults. and of course my son has never had it either. so this isnt good. i am very scared about this. and also the concert that i have been looking forward to for like 2 months is on sunday, and i talked to my friend last night about it too. i finally got a hold of her after calling and texting her a total of about 4 times between both things, and she said that she is definetly still going and it is written on her calendar and everything. and that she is going to drive to my house and leave her car here, and we will go in my car. so no transportation problems like i was afraid of before. which is good. so we agreed that i would call her on friday after i got out of work to make sure of the time that she was going to be at my house, what we are wearing, and all that fun stuff. now with this, i am so nervous i really hope that whatever it is that my daughter has isnt contagious and can go away easily. i really hope that it isnt contagious because if it is, i havent had any of the contagious diseases and neither has my son, and my son is usually sneaky every night and he crawls into her bed with her and sleeps right up against her. so i am sure that he would get whatever it is really quickly. aaaghhhh, i dont need this, it is freaking me out. i am so scared that it is going to be something contagious and i am going to have a major outbreak on my hands.

Continued....More Pictures....

A Better Food Day

today was a better day for food at least. i got a pretty good nights sleep, at least for me and my usual anyway. i went to bed at 10pm, and got up at 8:15am. so at least i got a little extra sleep, more then normal. then i took the kids to the playground in our neighborhood and let them play for about 1/2 hour or 45 minutes. then i met my parents at the mall and we had lunch there (and it was good, no issues, it tasted same as usual because i got the same thing that i usually get), and i did some light shopping there. my daughter got a nice pair of shoes to wear for the weekends and going out, i got my son a nice dress shirt, and i got myself 3 long sleeve tops that are really nice and were cheap they were only 5 bucks each. then throughout the day they were watching the movie that i just bought for them the incredibles. i also bought them a toy while we were there. then i did 2 loads of laundry, and then all of us went out for dinner, which i was a little nervous about because it was a new place that we had never been to before. but it was really good, even my husband was impressed which is something for him, because food usually never impresses him. the food was really good though. so at least that was a good experience with food. other then that, nothing that interesting happened today. just making sure that everything got done, and also that the kids had a good time today and that i treated them good. here are some pictures from today:

All Food Revolts Against Me

or at least it seems that way anyway. yesterday at work me and a few of the girls that i work with ordered lunch at 11:35am, and we were told that it would get there within the hour. we finally got it at 1:30pm, which was 2 hours later. so we got upset and they gave it to us for free, because we order from them all the time but still. bad experience. then today, me and my husband got subs from publix, and brought them home to eat them and we found several maggots alive in our sub. so needless to say i still feel ill from that, just thinking about it, and we brought them back were given our money back for them of course, and then they are supposed to be having corporate call us on monday regarding that. they are actually supposed to be calling my husband about it, so lets see what happens with him handling it. then i was at a restaurant for breakfast this morning, and there was a wet floor sign on the floor, so i walked around the sign and slipped and fell, bruised both of my knees, and my wrist and my back are sore now. so that is great the only reason that i didnt make something of that is because there was a sign on the floor near there. then after i got out of the shower this evening i wasnt paying attention and i wiped my face with my towel, and yanked my nose piercing out of my nose. so i had to put it back in. that whole thing hurt like hell. just great. i tried to call my friend who said that she would be going to the concert that is not tomorrow but the next sunday two times this week, and she hasnt answered or called me back. which is great. because i dont want to go by myself. and she is now stressing me out because she isnt calling me back. my husband is still at the job during the day that he just started so far, so good, no major incidents that i know of, and he keeps saying that he likes it. he also signed over his paycheck to me this week, of course it was only for 2 hours, and was for $19 but still, i guess at least he is starting off right. he got called up for an interview for a job cooking on tues,thurs, and fri nights starting at 5pm and is supposed to meet with them on tues night. so lets see how that goes. he said that if he gets that he will sign the day job paychecks over to me, which will more then pay the bills, and i can manage that, and then the part time job money will be his to use and save which is fine, all i am worried about is paying what has to get paid by him (his share of the bills). so today in a nutshell the order of things was out to breakfast with my ex and the kids, over his house helping him pay his bills while the kids played there, then to walmart where i bought them each an outfit, i bought my son a casual play outfit which was like $9, but my daughter i told her because she was so good in school last week and got smiley faces all week that i would get her a special outfit, so i got her a really pretty black sequined top and really pretty long denim skirt. she looks really cute, hers was $25 which is pretty expensive for walmart. i also put her in camp for next week for the two days off that she has, and told her that was also for being good in school. on tuesday they are supposed to be going to the movies, having pizza, plaster, and laser tag. and then on friday they are supposed to be going to place which is like a zoo and also has rides for the kids, which should be nice for her. so that is good. anyway, after walmart, we went grocery shopping at walmart, brought the subs home and had that little experience, and that was about it. so i am in pain now in various areas, and upset about the thing with my so called friend. it just is so depressing to me for many different reasons. anyway, here are some pictures from today:

Third Halloween Post

here is the third halloween post. i am going to put the rest of the pictures on this one:

so there are the pictures from halloween, one kid was superman and the other one was cinderella with her done like cinderellas and everything. after we took them trick or treating, we went for dinner, which the kids had a nice time, because they got to eat a good meal, one kid had hamburgers and chips and the other kid had shrimp, chicken tenders, and chips. and then they had ice cream for dessert. it wasnt as nice for the adults though, because my hamburger that i ordered was sent back once, and then my husbands was sent back three times because it wasnt done correctly. so that whole experience was very frustrating for the adults, luckily the kids were blissfully unaware of all that was going on. needless to say i am not going to be going there again. i was very unhappy there. and the funny thing is, is that this isnt the first time that i had been there, the other time that i had been there, i had enjoyed the whole experience, this time it was horrible.

i am happy that tomorrow is friday, at least i just have to get through tomorrow, and then i am going to have 2 days off. on saturday i am supposed to be spending the morning with the kids and my daughters father (my ex). and my husband of course doesnt like my ex at all or even the idea of us spending any time together. (even though the one and only reason that we would spend any time together is because of the kids, my daughter is his and my son adores him, there is absoluetly nothing between us, eeewwww. i wouldnt consider it.) so anyway it wasnt going to be an issue before, because my husband was supposed to be working in the morning and afternoon so he probably wouldnt have even known that i was gone. but now he told me that he might have to work at night on saturday even though he is supposed to only work days there. so i had to tell him that i probably wasnt going to be home until 12:30pm or 1pm. so i told him the truth and told him that i was going to bring my daughter to his house, so he starting asking questions, like is he going to give you gas money. so i was joking and said no but maybe he will take me out to breakfast at mcdonalds. so he got mad and said that wasnt something that he wanted him to do and that he shouldnt be going out to eat with me, and that he should call up his ex and eat a meal with her. so i just let it go and didnt say anything else. but now i feel bad because he has been asking me for a very long time to take the kids (and i would have to go to, basically to help take care of my son) to breakfast, and that was one of the things that we are supposed to be doing on saturday. so i just hope that he doesnt pursue it or say anything else. or worse ask my son that night or afternoon what we did, because my son will just tell him exactly what it was. my daughter is old enough so that if i mention to her not to say something she wont. so i am going to try not to get upset or worry about it. we have just been doing good with not fighting or having problems, and i just dont want to get any started thats all. i know that there is nothing wrong with it and that it is innocent, i just dont want to make him mad and us to start fighting and him get mad at me. oh well, i just have to stop worrying about, because whatever will be will be i suppose. it is just hard for me to think that, i keep getting depressed and upset about things. like the fact that i have had to take sooo much money out of my savings account, one reason was to pay the rent and then the other reason was i had to buy some warmer clothes for me and the kids. and i am still going to have to buy them some more pants and things like that. me one more pair of pants or jeans and i should be okay. i should really get another pair of closed toe shoes for myself because all of mine except like 2 which are very uncomfortable for me are open toed and that means that my toes will be freezing, so that is something that i need to start looking into i suppose. more money that will probably have to come out of my savings because heaven forbid that he should ever have any money to help me pay for anything extra, it is a miracle enough for him to have his share of the bills himself without any help from me, which brings me back to one of the reasons that i am depressed.

Trying To Do A Second Halloween Post

well, i am trying to do a second halloween post, so here we go. i am going to try to post more pictures here. after i came home from work after getting out early, i got the kids dressed and ready and took them to the mall in our area to go trick or treating. here are some pictures for that: