The Urge To Run

i have had the urge to run lately, just to grab the kids and go. kayla is already out of the country, she went to trinidad with her father, and she is going to be there for three weeks. so i wouldnt even have to grab her, and of course the babyattorney to represent him in the divorce. i dont know what bullcrap story that he told his grandmother about what i am doing, maybe he said that i was trying to get full custody of frankie or something like that, who knows, but that isnt true though. who knows if he is even telling the truth or not about his grandmother giving him that money, knowing his family though, if they had the money, which i believe that she does, i wouldnt doubt it, because they never let him stand on his is inside me at this time. i have frankie half of the week, from weds afternoon to saturday afternoon. but the thing is that if i run i am not coming back. i guess it is because i have been under a lot of stress lately, that is the only reason that i can think of that i have been feeling that way. frankies dad claimed that his grandmother had given him or was going to give him $10,000 towards hiring an own feet, they are always there to bail him out. i remember that he had made a comment to me once when i said that, and he said that i was jealous, but no i am not, my family would always make sure to the best of there ability that i had a place to stay and something to eat, but they wouldnt help me out financially. and that has made me feel good about myself, that i have always stood on my own two feet. anyway, add the fact that he has been stressing me out about this attorney crap, and then add that when i went to my boyfriends parents house (without him) for dinner, because i was invited, me and his mom had a long talk about marriage and about how that was what he really wanted. and blah, blah, blah. the idea of marriage scares the hell out of me, and i wish that someone would really understand that. the quickest way to make me want to turn and take off in the other direction right now is to mention marriage to me.