Disney Movies, And Other Depressing Things

i went out last night with one of my friends, and we went to dinner and the movies. and we had a really nice time. we watched the disney movie enchanted, which was a good movie dont get me wrong, but like all disney movies it has the ending of happily ever after, where the man and woman fall in love, they end up together at the end of the movie, and they are sooo happy. it doesnt show all the other things, like the man cheating on the woman, or spending all their money on drugs, or anything like that. and the thing about watching these movies, is that they always leave you depressed, because you know that in the real world this just doesnt happen, which is what happened to both me and her after we watched the movie. so at least i know that it wasnt just me either.

i also talking to her (my friend) again about how i had wanted to run, and not wanted to do any of this anymore, i was just sooooo serious, there are just times i want to take my kids, leave it all behind, and just go, i am just so tired of dealing with all the bs from everyone i really am. except my kids, because that is different, they dont bother me. everyone else does, because they are grown adults, and they sooo should know better. so anyway, i mentioned that to her, and she basically said that if i ever felt the need, i could stay with her until i got a grip on myself, which i am sure wouldnt be long, because not that i think that i would want to stay away forever, i just need some time to be myself. i think, maybe that is what it is, i dont know. i really dont.

so i get home after watching this movie, and talking to her, and it is at least 1am if not later, and i go to lay down in bed, and my boyfriend is already in bed sleeping, so sound asleep it isnt even funny, and he is taking up the whole bed, and we have a queen so he was completely sprawled out, and he has all the pillows under him and the blankets all wrapped up under him and on him, and i knew without even trying that he wasnt going to be moving, so i didnt even try to move him or to get into bed, i went to sleep in one of my kids rooms, being that neither of them were there that night. (my son was with his dad, and my daughter is out of the country with her dad, and i miss her so much, and she has only been gone since tuesday morning, so she hassnt even been gone a week yet.) he must have gotten up in the middle of the night to see where i was, and he saw that i was in the other room, but he didnt even bother to move me or anything, just left me right where i was, i think that if it was me, and i saw him like that, i would tried to get him up to come to bed with me. oh well. whatever. i have been weird with him lately. and i know that, i just cant help it, i am just not feeling affectionate towards him that much lately, i dont really know why, maybe with all of the pressure that i feel that i have been under, i am not sure.

then my boyfriend has now caught whatever it is that me and the kids have been fighting it seems, because he left work today with a really high fever, and i had to take him to the emergency room, so that he could get some medication, because he knew that he couldnt see a doctor tomorrow, with it being christmas eve, and he has to work tomorrow, and it is very important that he work tomorrow. so anyway, we went to the emergency room, and i felt so bad for this poor older man there, he reminded me a lot of my grandfather, before he passed. he was probably about the same age, very thin, and he had cancer and was waiting to get seen in the emergency room. and he was in such pain that he was crying, and asking for someone to shoot him just to put him out of the pain. i felt so sorry for him, and i thought of my grandfather too, and how much he must have suffered, and i got soo sad, i started to tear up, and really had to keep myself from crying. poor man.

tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me, i am having christmas over my house, and my parents, my boyfriends parents, my boyfriends nephew (who lives with his parents), and of course me, my boyfriend and my son, are all coming. so that should be interesting by itself, for everyone to be in the same house together, because my parents and his parents alone arent that alike, and my dad isnt a big fan of my boyfriend or his dad. but anyway, tomorrow is going to be a big day for me because i am going to have to grocery shop, being that i havent been able to do that yet, i am going to get started on the cooking, and i have to clean too. well i am going to try to go now so that i can maybe get some sleep.