Happy 5th Anniversary

well today was my 5th anniversary of marriage with my husband, not that it really matters right now anyway. but just thought that i would bring that up. and he was actually amusing enough to mention us having sex tonight, and that he would have liked too, but that i am not on birth control right now, and that he doesnt want to accidentally get me pregnant if a little swimmer escapes. i really wanted to say why the hell would you think that you would have sex with me anyway, but i didnt, i just let that go. so anyway, surprisingly enough, he didnt even remember that it was our anniversary, which didnt really surprise me at all. and he didnt even really do anything for it, except to give me 15.00 for me to use or get something for myself. i didnt say anything, just took it and said thank you, i figure all the years of him borrowing money off me and never giving it back, and all the beer and cigarettes i have bought him that its okay to take it. i deserve it. he was all excited today because he is supposed to be starting yet another job tomorrow, where they are wanting him to work from open to close, like a 10am-11pm shift and then 7 days a week. so he has been talking about that all day. to bad that he isnt going to be starting that starting tomorrow, he is actually only going to be working there at night for like the first week starting tomorrow and then he will supposedly be doing this open to close thing there. so as of right now he still has the shift on saturday (which is set for my move day) from 8am-noon which is what he usually works, so hopefully he will work that, and then he is supposed to also work at the other place at night. so basically relating to the moving thing on saturday that doesnt really make any difference because we are still going to have to make sure that we have everything done and gone, and we are gone before like 11:30am just to be on the safe side, and then that is of course if nothing changes. because with him you never know. he might not go to work that day, he might go in late to work that day. who knows with him. everything else that i have been thinking about has pretty much been resolved, the electric and cable i have taken care of, and have them as being turned off at this place on sunday, and have them turned on at the new one on friday. which is the day that we are signing the lease there, and the day that he is moving his stuff in. the water he took care of, and said that it is scheduled to be turned on for friday also. my mom reserved a moving truck for me for saturday morning, which is when i am moving, so that is taken care of for me. and he said that his dad was having a truck held for him for friday. so that is done for him. the only thing that is left to do is to go there on friday as soon as i get out of work, which i am leaving work early at 2pm, and meet him there for us to give them all the money and sign the lease. then i am going to probably have to help him move his things in, or whatever ones of them that he cant handle by himself, then i am going to go get the kids, and the original plan was that i was going to leave the kids here with my "husband" and go back over there to help him or whatever later on that night. but now it changed because "husband" is supposed to be working that night at this new job, so i told him that, and that i wasnt going to be able to come over because i didnt have a sitter, so he said to bring them and we would have a little sleepover, and they could sleep in sleeping bags in there new rooms. (it is a 3 bedroom so they are each going to get their own rooms) so i said that i didnt think that was a good idea, because the next morning when i brought them back to the old place, if he was there, they would tell him where they were and what they did, and that wouldnt be good. i want to get all of my stuff and get out of here before he finds anything out like that. so he suggested that i just leave them there with him that morning, and do my moving and packing by myself. which would definetly be easier for me that is for sure. so i said that it sounded like a good idea and that i was going to think more about it and let him know. so i did think about it and next time that i talk to him, which will probably be tomorrow morning (because he isnt supposed to be getting out of work tonight until 11pm and i dont think that i will make it until then) i will tell him that i thought about it and that it was a good idea, i just want to stress to him that if i do that, there is no way that they can come with me back here the next morning, there is absoluetely no way, it cant happen not matter what. so i will say that and make sure that he understands that, then as long as he agrees then it is okay. another good thing is that one of my friends is supposed to be coming over saturday morning to help me pack up, and get everything ready to be moved. i asked another friend if her husband could come and help because my "husband" knows him so even if he did show up its not like he would be starting anythign with him. so she said that if he wasnt working that he probaby would. so i hope that he can too, because the more people the better. i honestly dont know if i am strong enough to lift the couch, which is something that i really want. i believe that is the heaviest thing that will have to be moved. so that will help a lot. the more people that are here to help the better that it will be. because we are under a time limit, i want to have everything out of here before he comes home, because i really dont want any drama or confrontation. i really dont. if he sees us or comes home, then of course there is nothing that i can do about that, but i really hope not. i dont want to deal with that, especially with my family and friends here. and then there is the fact that there are neighbors that are his friends, and that they have his phone number so if they see me moving the stuff, they just might call him and tell him that, and he might come here just because of them telling him. actually there isnt that much of a question in my mind, i am pretty sure that if they tell him he will come. i am nervous about that part. but worrying about it isnt going to help right? i need to keep repeating that to myself. and then there is the fact that he is so happy about getting this new job, and he is saying that we are going to be doing so much better now, and that now there is nothing to worry about, and all of that. and on one hand i guess a tiny part of me wanted to believe him, and think that everything really would be okay, but then i thought about all of the other times that something like this has happened, where he was saying that he got a really good paying job, and that there was plenty of hours for him to work, and he would be back on his feet in no time, and then something would always happen. i guess that i need to keep remembering things like that. my dad said something interesting to me yesterday, when i went over their house to pick up my son, he said he had one main focus right now, so i asked him what it was, and he said that it was getting me out of here and away from him. i was pretty surprised to hear him say that. but i guess that tells me something right there, they have seen how much i have gone through with him, so he especially was basically saying to me that i need to get out of here. and out of this situation.

on a different story, i got really stressed out and upset today at work, because when i had given my dog up i had forgotten to take his tags off of his collar. so my moms phone number was on there, to contact. and someone found him in the street said he almost got hit by a car, and was calling for someone to come and get him. so my mom of course called me while i was at work. it ended up that the person who found him, connected with the person that i had given him too, and gave him the dog back. apparently he had him outside and he supposedly jumped the fence, so now the guy knows not to leave him outside like that unattended. (i called him to make sure that he realizes that.) i spoke with him and told him again about his issues especially with storms and things like that, and that him being left outside by himself isnt good, and that he probably would run away again. so he said that he knew now, and that he would keep him inside of his place when he left or couldnt watch him. so i told him about his little tearing things up if loose and in a storm issue, and he said that he didnt care because he didnt really care that much about his things that he had anyway. so okay, he cant say that i didnt warn him. he also said something about taking the collar and tags off, and getting them changed to his number, i hope that he does. in the beginning before i was able to talk to him i was so upset that i just wanted the dog back, but after that i felt better about it. i could tell that he really liked the dog, and was happy that we had given him to him, he was even saying something about having a barbeque and inviting me and the kids over, and also giving me money for the dog. which i immediately said that i didnt want, my only concern was that he was taken well care of. so after i talked to him i felt better at least. because while i was at work and was talking to my mom before i talked to the guy i got so upset i could barely talk and concentrate i was basically crying. when i was thinking about getting the dog back before i had talked to the guy who i gave him too, i talked to the guy that i am moving in with, and asked him if it would matter to him if i brought the dog with us, and got him back, and he said that it wouldnt be an issue for him, he didnt mind either way, but that he wouldnt have the money for the deposit for the dog, so i said that if i could come up with the money if it was okay, and he said that he didnt care. so tomorrow i will tell him that i am not going to do that just to let him know, because i know that he has to know the exact totals because he is coming up with all the money for the deposit, first month, and all of the move in money, i have no money to give, and he is taking care of all of it.

i went for an interview today for a job which is about the same thing that i have now, same basic responsibilities, same hours, only about 5 minutes more south, so not that much of a change. and the interview actually went really good, the lady seemed like she really wanted to hire me, and kept saying how well suited i seemed for the position and how i sounded like a good candidate. so i believe that i pretty much had the job, the only part where we got stuck was on the pay. i wanted more then what i am paid now, and she said that they have a range of pay based on how long you have been in the medical billing field, and i have technically only been in medical billing for over a year, in medical it has been over 3 years, but they are being specific and saying medical billing. so they said that for my one year in medical billing the range of pay that they could give would be ranging from a dollar an hour less then what i make now, to exactly what i make now. and she asked if that would be okay, so i said that there was no way i was going to take a drop in my pay, and that the same amount that i make wasnt acceptable either, i want to leave making more money, and that i was looking for at least a dollar an hour more then what i am making now. so she said that she would have to speak with her supervisor about that and see what they said and get back to me about it. she said that she would call me on friday about that. so on friday i am supposed to be signing the lease, helping him possibly move a few things, staying over there with the kids (once i talk to him a little more about that of course, and make sure), waiting for my friend to tell me if her husband can help move my things, waiting for this lady to call me back, i think that it is it, or that is all that i can remember right now. whew. okay i am going to go now and try to get some sleep. i really have to try to relax now.