The Level Of My Stress

my stress level seems right now like it is the highest that it has been in a while. i dont honestly remember it being this high in a very long time, maybe, or if ever. to start with my dog which i was happy that i was going to be able to keep, because we were decided to look for apartments that could take him, decided to freak out again yesterday because their was a storm, and he proceeded to destroy his crate even more and and also ripped up the carpet too of the room that he was in. so that left me with the issue of do i buy him another crate, and hope that he doesnt do it again and then have to pay 300.00 deposit extra because i am bringing him to an apartment, or do i find him another home. so in the end i decided to find him another home, i had been talking to people several weeks ago from the ad that i had put in to the paper, and i had saved the numbers. so i called back one of them, and spoke with him and we arranged for me to go his house tomorrow afternoon with the dog, and that if all goes well to leave him with him. i had already told him about all of his issues so it isnt like i didnt tell him. i also recommended him getting him a crate so that he wouldnt get upset, i dont know if he took me seriously or not, but i did make it a point to repeat that several times. so anyway, that was one thing that happened today and that i was dealing with that has me really upset, and then the fact that my daughter was hysterical when she heard me talking on the phone about giving him away, she doesnt want me too, because she is really attached to him. but i just dont know, this seems like the right thing and the thing that i have to do right now. then of course the guy still doesnt know if he has the job or not in the city that is three hours away, so he is waiting until he is done with his shift at work on thursday to see if he finds out, and then by then if he still doesnt know then that is it, he is going to stay where he is (of course) and we are going to sign the lease at about 2:30pm on friday. me and him went out last night, first we went to my car finance company, and he paid off the rest of what was owed on my car which was about 2960.00, and they said that within 2 weeks the title should be there. so as long as the check clears which i would certainly hope that it would, in a few weeks i will have the title in my hand. so as of now my car is completely mine. yeah! of course the guy called his car insurance company today, and they gave me a rough estimate that it would be 75 more a month for him to put my car on his car insurance, instead of the 150 that i am paying now. but then he is saying that i would have to put his name on the title of my car too. which i am not that happy about. because of all that i have been through, of course i have issues with trusting people. so tomorrow he is supposed to be going with me to bring the dog to the guys house, and then while we are together, we are going to call his car insurance company back and make sure that we get the actual complete quote and confirm that his name would have to be added to my title and that it couldnt be left the way that it is. because i am really not that crazy about that idea. so there is more stress on me. then there is the fact that i am hiding all of this from "my husband" and that he has to have no hint of what is going on. and that we are hoping that on the saturday morning he is at work like he normally is, and then we have to try to hurry up and finish before he gets back home from work (because on saturdays he only works like 3-4 hours), and also we are hoping that none of the neighbors who are very nosy and his buddys, dont call him and he doesnt come home from work because of that. and then my parents are stressing me out because they are saying that i need to visualize what i need to bring and what i am not bringing, that way that we can get it done really quickly. so i am like, okay i want to basically bring everything, because i have been going through my house and throwing away things that i dont want or organizing them, so whatever is left now, is things that i want. so my mom kept going on and on and stressing me out even more. it is just so frustrating that i cant take my time and pack all of my things like a normal person or even have him know what is going on. instead of doing it this way behind his back. but i have to do it this way, because he is pyscho enough to do something to my car or my things when i am not paying attention if he knows. and especially being that my car is paid off for now, i am even more paranoid about it. and then there is the stress of not knowing where i am moving too, not having anything hooked up or disconnected, like cable, electric, water, etc, and also not having a truck reserved to move with or anything like that either. i am so stressed out it isnt even funny. no matter what my mom is saying that it is a possibility, i cant possibly see how she expects us to pack and get basically everything out of this house in about 3 hours or less. i really cant see how it can possibly happen, especially being that my mom was saying that they probably wouldnt be able to get here with the truck until 9am. so him starting work at 8am, and usually getting off of work at noon. so if they are saying that they wont get here until 9am and you figure we would need to be done at like 11:30am they only leaves us with 2 1/2 hours to get basically a whole house of things out. i dont see how it can be done. i really dont, there is a lot of things. yes i am going to be leaving somethings behind, like the bookcase, the desk, the bed in my room, the recliner, but then the other things are going. like both of the kids beds, 2 dressers, 2 nightstands, couch, kitchen table. i dont know, i am so stressed over all of this that it isnt even funny. and then there is the fact that i dont even know where i am going. i know i mentioned that at least two times before this one but it is really stressing me out, i hate not knowing things, and this is killing me. this is something major that i need to know. for example, if he is getting the job up there, i need to give my job notice, which i know right now will definetly not be a two weeks notice that is for sure. because there is only 6 more days until the 13th which is a friday, and that would be my last day of work. my brain is just everywhere right now, as i am sure that you can tell, i just cant think straight i am just so worried and stressed out about everything. one thing that my mom did say which was a good idea was that she gives me some boxes to put in my trunk the night before, and i leave them in my trunk, and then as soon as he leaves that morning, just start packing with those boxes and getting done whatever that i can do then. the boxes i can pack and have ready, as many of the boxes that i can have in my trunk i suppose, and then i can also do whatever else that i can do without the boxes or when i run out of them, like packing my car up with as much as i can in garbage bags. like clothes from my closet, and things like that. i guess that is the only thing that i can do, if he is going to catch us moving then he is going to catch us moving, no matter what i do or how quick that we are. i am just so nervous and stressed out about everything, and then i am also so depressed over this whole situation, and everything that is going on, and to a point i cant tell the guy anything about how i am feeling, or at least the whole amount of how i am feeling, the only thing that i will tell him is that i am a little stressed because i dont want him to see the extent of everything, and be questioning why i am depressed right now, instead of being really really happy that i am moving in with him. which i am happy that i am moving and that the kids are getting their own rooms, i just guess that i wish that things could be different, in a lot of respects. but they wont be, so there is no use in wishing i suppose.