My Big News

well all i can say about the last post is i am soooo happy that i didnt cheat on him, and do that, and that my conscience wouldnt let me do it, because i just couldnt do that to him. cause guess what?

i am pregnant!!!!!!

i found out on thursday (of this week) that i am about 4 weeks pregnant, i actually found out before i was supposed to have my period. i had been really really hungry constantly, and my boobs really really hurt. so i took a first response test that i had in the house (long story, not now) and it came up with the line after about a minute that said that i was pregnant, granted the line wasnt really dark but it was there. so i told my boyfriend, who was happy and excited about it, and then i called in to work and said i wasnt going to be in the morning, and went to my obgyn. so i had another test there, and again it took it a minute or two to come up, but then it came up a little light but it was there. and the doctor examined and felt me and said that i seemed about four weeks, which went with the last date of my period. so i am pregnant!!!!!! with baby number 3. i am of course a little nervous now about the risk of miscarriage, as every woman is, because you just never know. i want this baby so bad, and i am so happy, i really hope that nothing happens. my parents seem happy about it, it took them a minute or two of shock but then they are happy for me, as long as i am happy. and there was even mention today of babysitting a few days a week, nothing definite but definetly a positive discussion about it which is good. his parents on the other hand, i dont know if they are happy for him or happy about it or not, all i know is that i have just been hearing him saying something about them saying that it happened in the wrong order, and your supposed to be married first. his sister had one and wasnt married, and besides what is the big deal, as long as you are together and care about each other and the baby (which we do), and take good care of the baby, then what does it matter. but i guess they are annoying him about it, which isnt good. and then he is also looking at the financial and money aspect of this, and trying to figure out the best way for the money to work. so not that he isnt happy (he still says that he is), he is just stressing out too. then i have my issues with being afraid that he is going to leave me and the baby, and that i am going to have to do it all by myself. not that i wouldnt, i have done it before with my two kids, i could do it again with three, and would and dp love this baby and take care of it just like the others, but still, it gets me upset just thinking about it. maybe what it is is because i have been left before, and maybe in a back part of my mind i am not married and pregnant and havent done that before. i have always been married. and i guess that in my mind it is easier to walk away when you arent married versus when you are. not really though, i dont know. i am just not used to being "single" and not married to the father of the baby i am carried. first i need get divorced, which the way that we are planning it we should have the money the end of december to file. so i have to get divorced before i can marry someone else of course, but once that happens, i dont know, do i want to get married now just because i am pregnant? i wasnt planning on marrying him now thats fore sure, i was scared of marriage, still am, and wasnt thinking about doing it anytime in the future to him. but then again if i really love him, and was thinking about doing it anyway, why not do it now. i dont know, it is so confusing to me. i am happy that i am pregnant, and excited about having a baby, and that is what i am trying so hard to only focus on right now.

well i was going to put up the picture of the pregnancy tests that i had taken with the results showing on the screen :) but it isnt letting me it is giving me an error message. so i will have to do it another day. i was also going to put up the pictures of my new car that i got, but that will have to wait too. until another day.