The Other Post? Trust Issues

well, the last time that i put up a post i was intending on blogging a huge amount of things, but it turned out that i didnt cover as much as i intended too, dont remember if it was because i had ran out of time, or because i just got too tired and was falling asleep. but anyway, this post is going to be about what has been really bothering me lately, which is my boyfriend and the mortgage. not sure if i have posted about this before, but my boyfriend doesnt want to rent where we are for another year, and our lease that we are currently in now is up the middle of july. so he doesnt want to renew the lease at that time, he wants to buy a house/townhouse/villa, you get the picture. in the beginning, he wasnt going to put my name on the mortgage which upset me badly because he felt that if it came out in the divorce (which has been filed since the middle of january) that something might happen where it might be an issue. but being that the divorce was already filed in january and the house buying wouldnt occur until like june? july? we didnt think it would be an issue. we had looked at some foreclosed homes and one that wasnt one, in our general area, and in order to bid on a foreclosed home you need to be already approved with a mortgage company and have the letter proving that. which he didnt have at that time. so he called up a bank, to try to get a mortgage, with both of us being on the mortgage. and even though my credit has went up in the past months, from being in the 500's (poor) to being in the 600's (good), they refused to put me on the mortgage, and said that only he would be on the mortgage. all because of something that happened in 2004, that would still showing on my credit as me owing $6000 from a stupid medical bill which must have happened just before i got my insurance. which i think is ridiculous that they are going to fault me for something that happened that many years ago, and refuse to give me a mortgage because of that, which hasnt appeared on my credit since 2004. it isnt like they keep putting it on there, or that it has went to court or anything like that. so i am really annoyed about that fact. so he is of course going to go ahead and get the mortgage and it is going to be only under his name. so that will of course be yet another thing that is only under his name and not mine. just like the saturn car that i pay 250.00 a month on (which is my child support) and also just like the kia minivan. and then last night he gets me even more upset by telling me that once i am able to work after the baby is born that i am going to have to a few days a week, because we are going to need the money for bills. so that upset me even more, even though i havent said anything to him about it yet, because now that is even worse, he is telling me that i am going to HAVE to work, and that it is going to be used for the bills. so i am going to be working, busting my butt, to pay on things that arent mine, a car, a van, and a house. he did say that he was planning on adding me as the beneficiary to his 401K and his stocks that he owns with his company, so that would make me be okay if he died. but i am not even worried about if he dies, i am really worried about if me and him dont work out, and he decides to leave me, or i cant be with him anymore, and want to leave him, then i get absoluetly nothing, except for 30 days legally to move out of the house. i have no rights to anything. i will be left with no home, no money, and no car. nothing. and all of the money that i have been using over the past few months to pay on the saturn car payment, and all of the money that he wants me to make to pay bills after the baby is born will also be for nothing. because in the end, i would be the one getting screwed. and not that i am saying that i completely dont trust him and think that he would do that to me, but you never know. and the fact that every time i try to talk to him about this, he acts like he doesnt understand what i am saying, or acts like he is deeply offended by what i am saying, and then he starts to cry, makes me wonder even more. i dont know, so that is one of the things that has been really really bothering me lately.

the other major thing is of course kayla and her school issues, she had a really bad day yesterday with her homework and saying that she didnt know how to do it. she was up until 10:15pm trying to get it all done, because she kept saying that she didnt know how to do it. it seems she is having the most issues with math and spelling. reading she doesnt seem to be doing that bad in. today she didnt have as bad of a time with her homework, but then again she didnt have even close to as much homework as she did yesterday either. i actually made her study extra on her spelling words that she has this week today, because she has her spelling tests on fridays. and i gave her a little quiz when she was done with writing her words (studying them) and she did really good, only got one wrong. so i really hope that she does good tomorrow on her test. she had a performance tonight at her school, they did three little pigs, and she was part of the chorus, it was basically a musical, i took some pictures, so i will have to download them from the camera and put them on my space page when i have a chance and remember too. she did really good, looked really nice too.

frankie's dad still has his girlfriend who is living with him, and they are still living of course in the tiny place that he has. and it seems to me that he has to rub her into my face sometimes, i have no idea why, it isnt like i am jealous of her or anything and want him back. for example, yesterday he wanted me to go to this lecture at frankies school on add and a drug free approach to it, and i said i could probably go, and he said that if i couldnt or wouldnt go that he would be sending his girlfriend, because he wanted to know what they had to say. so i got annoyed and said that i was his mother, and that i would be the one to go, and that i would go. i dont know if he does it on purpose or if i am just sensitive.