Just Deal With It?

i saw my parents today, for lunch, and i mentioned to them that this whole him having his name on everything thing was still bothering me. and i was really surprised by the way that they reacted to it this time. they said that being that there was nothing that could be done about it, just to leave it alone, and basically to stop thinking about it. and my dad started talking about how he was the one that seemed to treat me the best, and he was the most responsible, mature, and the best provider for us. (out of all the guys that i have been with) and that he really didnt think that he would be the one to leave me, because he didnt seem that he was the type. so then i said well what if years down the road we arent working and i want to leave him then, and my parents said something about how they have been together for 30 years, and that there are also a lot of couples who just stay together even though they dont love each other just so they dont lose anything. and i was thinking, is that what they think i should do if that is the case? stay with him, and just deal with it, if there are no feelings there? wow, that is the complete opposite of what it is that they are usually telling me. usually they are the ones that are saying to do what makes you happy, and that as long as you are happy that nothing else matters. so that was really surprising to come from them. i am still surprised. i was so surprised that i called one of my friends to ask her opinion on it, and she thought that maybe my parents just want to see me be settled down and not keep moving around and changing things, and that is why they were saying something like that. i guess so, it is still a surprise to me. but one of the things that my parents did say i can agree with, and that was that there was no point in getting upset and all about it, being that there is nothing that i can do to change it. it is the bank that is refusing to put me on a mortgage, not him. so that is that. there is nothing that he can do to change it, so there is no reason for me to be upset with him. even though i have been trying not to act upset with him, i have been trying to just be upset in general and not take it out on him.

The Other Post? Trust Issues

well, the last time that i put up a post i was intending on blogging a huge amount of things, but it turned out that i didnt cover as much as i intended too, dont remember if it was because i had ran out of time, or because i just got too tired and was falling asleep. but anyway, this post is going to be about what has been really bothering me lately, which is my boyfriend and the mortgage. not sure if i have posted about this before, but my boyfriend doesnt want to rent where we are for another year, and our lease that we are currently in now is up the middle of july. so he doesnt want to renew the lease at that time, he wants to buy a house/townhouse/villa, you get the picture. in the beginning, he wasnt going to put my name on the mortgage which upset me badly because he felt that if it came out in the divorce (which has been filed since the middle of january) that something might happen where it might be an issue. but being that the divorce was already filed in january and the house buying wouldnt occur until like june? july? we didnt think it would be an issue. we had looked at some foreclosed homes and one that wasnt one, in our general area, and in order to bid on a foreclosed home you need to be already approved with a mortgage company and have the letter proving that. which he didnt have at that time. so he called up a bank, to try to get a mortgage, with both of us being on the mortgage. and even though my credit has went up in the past months, from being in the 500's (poor) to being in the 600's (good), they refused to put me on the mortgage, and said that only he would be on the mortgage. all because of something that happened in 2004, that would still showing on my credit as me owing $6000 from a stupid medical bill which must have happened just before i got my insurance. which i think is ridiculous that they are going to fault me for something that happened that many years ago, and refuse to give me a mortgage because of that, which hasnt appeared on my credit since 2004. it isnt like they keep putting it on there, or that it has went to court or anything like that. so i am really annoyed about that fact. so he is of course going to go ahead and get the mortgage and it is going to be only under his name. so that will of course be yet another thing that is only under his name and not mine. just like the saturn car that i pay 250.00 a month on (which is my child support) and also just like the kia minivan. and then last night he gets me even more upset by telling me that once i am able to work after the baby is born that i am going to have to a few days a week, because we are going to need the money for bills. so that upset me even more, even though i havent said anything to him about it yet, because now that is even worse, he is telling me that i am going to HAVE to work, and that it is going to be used for the bills. so i am going to be working, busting my butt, to pay on things that arent mine, a car, a van, and a house. he did say that he was planning on adding me as the beneficiary to his 401K and his stocks that he owns with his company, so that would make me be okay if he died. but i am not even worried about if he dies, i am really worried about if me and him dont work out, and he decides to leave me, or i cant be with him anymore, and want to leave him, then i get absoluetly nothing, except for 30 days legally to move out of the house. i have no rights to anything. i will be left with no home, no money, and no car. nothing. and all of the money that i have been using over the past few months to pay on the saturn car payment, and all of the money that he wants me to make to pay bills after the baby is born will also be for nothing. because in the end, i would be the one getting screwed. and not that i am saying that i completely dont trust him and think that he would do that to me, but you never know. and the fact that every time i try to talk to him about this, he acts like he doesnt understand what i am saying, or acts like he is deeply offended by what i am saying, and then he starts to cry, makes me wonder even more. i dont know, so that is one of the things that has been really really bothering me lately.

the other major thing is of course kayla and her school issues, she had a really bad day yesterday with her homework and saying that she didnt know how to do it. she was up until 10:15pm trying to get it all done, because she kept saying that she didnt know how to do it. it seems she is having the most issues with math and spelling. reading she doesnt seem to be doing that bad in. today she didnt have as bad of a time with her homework, but then again she didnt have even close to as much homework as she did yesterday either. i actually made her study extra on her spelling words that she has this week today, because she has her spelling tests on fridays. and i gave her a little quiz when she was done with writing her words (studying them) and she did really good, only got one wrong. so i really hope that she does good tomorrow on her test. she had a performance tonight at her school, they did three little pigs, and she was part of the chorus, it was basically a musical, i took some pictures, so i will have to download them from the camera and put them on my space page when i have a chance and remember too. she did really good, looked really nice too.

frankie's dad still has his girlfriend who is living with him, and they are still living of course in the tiny place that he has. and it seems to me that he has to rub her into my face sometimes, i have no idea why, it isnt like i am jealous of her or anything and want him back. for example, yesterday he wanted me to go to this lecture at frankies school on add and a drug free approach to it, and i said i could probably go, and he said that if i couldnt or wouldnt go that he would be sending his girlfriend, because he wanted to know what they had to say. so i got annoyed and said that i was his mother, and that i would be the one to go, and that i would go. i dont know if he does it on purpose or if i am just sensitive.

So Many Things To Post About......

i am probably going to end up doing at least 2 or more posts because there is so many things to post about and so many things that arae going on right now it is incredible. first of all, as for frankies dad and the whole divorce thing, he had 20 days to respond from the date that i had him served which was jan 25th, and 20 days from that date was valentines day which was feb 14th. so he decided to wait for the last minute until the 14th to go to the courthouse to respond, only to be told that it was 40 dollars to respond, and he didnt have that money at that time, so he filed a request to extend it, and he was told that if approved he would have another 20 days from that date to respond. so who knows if he was approved or not, i am trying to log into the clerk of courts for my county website, and pull up the case, but for some reason it isnt pulling up the case. so who knows if he was approved for the extension or not, i am sure that he is, so that would put him at march 5th as being his last day to respond. i already told him several times that i dont even care how much money that they would give me for child support, that all that i cared about was having frankie the days that i wanted him for which is sunday night through friday night, that way i would get him back and forth to school with kayla (because he is starting kindergarten next year), and i want to make sure that he is getting his homework done every night and not having any issues with getting back and forth to school each day either. and as far as i am concerned that doesnt have to start until school starts in august, it doesnt have to start right away. we could keep things the way that they are right now until school starts if he wants to. i told him that i would even agree to the least amt of child support that the court would allow as long as i got that with frankie. and he didnt actually agree to it, but he sounded like he might be okay with it. so we will see, that is something that will have to waited on and see what happens. his vpk program that he is in right now ends on june 6th, so from then until when school starts i dont know what he is going to be doing with him. i had talked to the owner of the school that he is going to now, and she said that it would be 150.00 a week for summer camp 5 days a week, or 90.00 for a half day of camp 5 days a week in the morning, and i told his dad that and he thought that was very high, and that he wouldnt pay that. so who knows, i know that i am not going to be able to afford to pay that, and that there would be no need for me to pay that anyway, because i am going to be home anyway. so why would i pay anything? if frankies dad wants him to be in camp because he has to work, let him pay for it.

kayla is still having trouble in school, aggravates me almost every day when she comes home with homework to do that she says she doesnt know how to do. and when i ask her if the teacher explained it to them, she says that she didnt know how to do it, because she didnt understand the teacher. i am talking about mostly math homework here. i have never been good in math, and i am sure that i never will be, so as far as teaching kayla how to do it myself, i cant do that. i am lucky to check her papers and tell her if she got something wrong. so like today, she comes home with math homework that she has no idea how to do, and i have no idea how to teach her to do it, and then she doesnt even make matters any better because she whines at the top of her lungs, is very obnoxious and annoying and rude, and mouths off constantly. it is incredible, it really is. and then she keeps not doing things in school like she is supposed to, like writing down her spelling words off the board, instead of writing the 13 words that she gets every day, she wrote down either 5 or 6 of them today, and told me that she didnt have enough time to write all of them off the board. and then because she didnt write them all down, she cant complete the other part of her homework today which was to write her spelling words 5x each. so that is what i am dealing with her, she has been incredible.

Well He Made Up His Mind About Something

i have to give him a huge amount of credit, he did something very surprising to me. not only did he make up his mind about something major that we had been discussing for a while (which was getting a minivan and trading in one or both of the cars to do that) but he actually did what he decided to do also. we went to a kia dealership near us yesterday, to see what they would offer us to trade both of our cars in, and get one minivan. therefore of course bringing us from two cars to one car which would have stunk. so we went to the dealership, looking at the kia sedona (which is kia's minivan) and we started talking to them about trading the blue saturn (which was mike's) in and getting the minivan. we were looking at 2006 sedonas, there were about 6 of them on the lot, and they all had about 23,000 miles on them, or around that. and the salesperson told us that we would have the balance of what was left on the warrantys, which is 60,000 miles or 5 years, so us having whats left, would give us 3 years or 37,000 miles on it, which is warranty that made me happy, that is a bumper to bumper warranty. and considering that it is a pre-owned vehicle that is good. so anyway, about 5 hours later, we ended up making a deal with kia to trade the blue saturn in (therefor keeping the silver one that was mine, which my boyfriend will now be driving, and i will be driving the minivan) and they did a good deal for us. they paid of the loan on the blue saturn, and then some, and i felt that they gave us a good price on the sedona. my boyfriend was paying 300 a month before on the saturn, and this only made it go up to 337 a month, which i didnt think was bad at all. especially considering that the other dealership that we had went to previously had wasted our time completely, telling us that we were owing to much on the saturns to do it. so of course, i am very happy that went to kia, and they were really willing to work with us, which felt very good. so i am now a minivan driving mommy again, it has been probably about three years since i have been one. i like it, the amount of room and space in there is great, and the fact that the third row seats fold down is awesome. it was really what we needed. i know that he did it for me, to make things easier for me, and i have to say that it changed the way that i have been acting towards him more. because even though it is really easy for me to get frustrated with him, and annoyed with him, all of the things that he has done for us, the kids, me, you get the idea, he didnt have to do, and yet he has. and he works while i stay at home. ever since yesterday, when i am starting to get frustrated or annoyed with him, i am trying to catch myself, because everyone does have their issues, and their things that they do that bother you, but he has a huge amount of good points too. he said that this minivan was my valentines day present, i made a comment to him about not getting off that easy though, and that a little something would still be appreciated, or something like that, i dont know if he is actually going to get me anything or do anything, but even if he doesnt, that is going to be okay with me too. because him doing this was a huge thing.

of course he had to say something funny too, or agree with something i was saying, i forget which one that it was. but something that i told him, and was going to stick too, was that being that he wants another child after this one, that i wasnt going to give him another child after this one, unless their was a minivan or large suv (one that seats at least 7) in my driveway first, before i even thought of conceiving another child after this one. so while we were getting the minivan, and finalizing everything, i said to him now dont think that just because i have the van now means that as soon as i have this one that i am going to get pregnant again immediately. and i also said dont make any comments while i am in labor either, and he was like oh darn i cant. i was like no, and i know that you would have too. and he completely agreed with me, because that is the sort of thing that he would have said too. to be honest, i always said that i wanted three kids, and that was it. after i had frankie, i always said that i wanted another one, and of course i am so happy that i am expecting #3 now. but as for having another one after this one, that would give me four kids. wow. that is a lot of kids. and you never know, if something happened where me and my boyfriend didnt work out, i wonder if he would be there for the kids, and help support them, and do what was right. or if it would be another thing like with frankies dad. i mean if he didnt support the kids, i would of course take care of them, and do what i had to do for them, the same way that i do kayla and frankie. and i wouldnt regret a minute of any of it. because if the father wants to be that way, that is their decision. and i would still love and take care of my kids, and never want to change anything or regret anything. it does make you wonder though.

Super Quick Post

i have been sitting at the computer too long, most likely, because now my back is starting to hurt. therefore, this is going to be a super short post. just wanted to say that i had my sonogram in the morning on wednesday, and the midwife, and the tech who did the sonogram (not sure if he was a doctor or not) both said that it looked good. and in the when i went for the sonogram, and i first got there, the girl taking my info asked if we wanted to know what sex the baby was. so i said yes, as long as we can of course. so then the tech (or doc not sure) also asked the same thing when he was doing the sonogram, so i gave him the same answer too, and my boyfriend agreed with me. so we did find out what sex the baby is, it is a boy!!!!!!! :) of course, it didnt matter to us either way what it was, as long as it is healthy. but it is nice to know now, so when it comes time for us to buy baby things, we know what we can get, like the color blue and boy stuff. we told kayla and frankie that the baby was a boy, and they got excited. then they asked how they knew that the baby was a boy, and then one of them said wait i know, you saw the baby's thingie. which is correct, i actually have an ultrasound picture of it. it amazes me sometimes how kayla and frankie are getting better and better each day at reasoning things out and being logical. anyway, thats all i am going to type for today, my back is starting to hurt, i need a more comfortable chair to sit in.

Make Up Your Flipping Mind

my boyfriend has been driving me nuts the past few days. last night especially. his parents came over, and his they, his father especially, have been trying to push mike into renting a place, i am assuming once our lease is up, instead of buying something, because they are claiming something about the market still going down, and also that he doesnt have the money for it right now too. but that isnt even the best part, the best part is that his dad really, has been pushing him to talk to some guy that lives like four houses down from them, and see if we can sign an extended lease (longer then a year) with him. and after how much my boyfriend has been going on and on about how he doesnt want to rent anymore, and that he wants to buy something, because he feels like he is wasting his money renting, that isnt what he has wanted. and i also said to him what is the point of us moving if we are just going to be paying basically the same thing in rent, and still be renting. why move then? it doesnt make sense to me. his father really pissed me off last night because he was really pushing for us to move right near him, and then when i tried to get into the conversation and say something, he talked down to me like i was a two year old. which is something that not even my parents do to me. so that pissed me off even more then the fact that my boyfriend was just sitting there, and not saying anything. i was so close to telling him off and saying something, it took every single ounce of my self control not to. because then it wouldnt have been pretty, because i would have just let him have it. and my boyfriend too. so when they left i put my foot down, and started going off on my boyfriend. i will not be signing a lease for more then a year, unless the option to buy is in there, and also unless it is a for an incredible price. which i am sure isnt going to happen, because those houses are going for $250k and i think that all my boyfriend could pay would be like 80-100k. so i dont see that one happening. and i told him that he was driving me nuts because he couldnt seem to make up his mind what he wanted to do. and his parents as usual, seemed to push him around. who knows how much of a difference that it made. he did call his dad up a little while after that, and tell him that he doesnt want to sign a long term lease, unless with the rent to buy in there, and for a good price, but who knows if that helped. or what. i am getting annoyed with these people trying to run his life, and also with them offering their strong "opinions" whether it is wanted or not. which i never want it. i make my own decisions and i come to my own conclusions. it was fine when he was single, if he wanted his parents to run his life, or try to, but now he isnt single anymore, his parents being like this doesnt effect just him, it effects me, and the kids too. so that cant happen. i doubt if his little conversation with his father will even make a difference, i am sure that he will be exactly the way that he was before.

tomorrow is my appointment for my sonogram, and then after that i am going to see the doctor. i hope that everything goes okay, and that they dont find anything wrong. i just want the baby to be healthy. everyone has been looking forward to tomorrow to find out what the baby is a boy or a girl, my boyfriend not really, but i think that other people have. and i dont mind if i dont find out what the baby is, i just want the baby to be healthy, thats it. i dont want them to find anything wrong.

i have outgrown most of my clothes, both the ones that we had bought during the beginning of the pregnancy, and the ones that i already had. i only have a few outfits that fit me. and i am getting frustrated because it isnt like i can walk into a maternity clothing store, and just buy whatever i want. because we dont have the money for that, right now we dont have even have the money for me to buy one outfit in a maternity store. the reason that i am annoyed isnt because i am pregnant and am outgrowing my clothes, that is definetly not it, i am happy that i am pregnant. i am just annoyed (with my boyfriend really, because he will spend his money on other things, like lunch, but not clothes for me) that there isnt any money for me to buy clothes. supposedly he was saying that maybe in a week or two weeks i should be able to get some, like $100 worth, which would be better then what i have now. so i really hope so.

I Knew It Part 2

well, for the past few days me and frankie's dad had been okay, we werent really arguing or getting on each other nerves or anything else like that. we were being civil towards each other, is i guess how you could put it. but i just knew that it wouldnt last. he wanted me to call up the paralegal/basically person who just types up the papers for you, and ask her if i could take it back from the courts so that he could just sign the original agreement that i had given him. so i told him no, that i couldnt do that. so he threw a fit, and started yelling and screaming at me and threatening me with all sorts of things, that he was going to get a lawyer, and that i should get one too, and that i was pregnant when i moved out and that he was going to mention that. which he can try that one all he wants because i wasnt, and i can prove that of course. but that wasnt the only thing that he was trying to say. he had all sorts of things to say. like it said in the papers that i had to have my correct address on the papers, and that if i didnt that was fraud, and also that he had received the papers that i had given him originally to review, which he had refused to sign, and that he had been served with these, so he was given two sets of papers. so that was fraud too. and he had all sorts of things to say, one thing that i said that i think pissed him off even more, was that i wanted frankie with me from sunday afternoon to friday night so that he could go to school near me, and have a set school schedule with who picks him up from school and everything, and that he could have frankie from friday night to sunday afternoon. so i think that set him off even more, but i was trying to tell him that it was for frankies best interest. but that of course set him off even more. finally he said i will see you in court, b**ch, so i said fine i will see you there. and then i hung up. that was i think wednesday. after that we have been civil to each other again. we just havent mentioned the whole divorce thing to each other at all. the only thing that he said to me last night was that he guessed that he was going to be going to the courthouse either monday or tuesday. so i was like okay, fine. i dont care, either he responds or i get everything listed in those papers, but i was sure that he was going to be responding. so anyway, that is the update on that so far.

as far as me and my boyfriend, i dont really know what we are like. we had sex like two more times after the last time that i mentioned, the first time he basically climbed on top of me, did we had to do in about five minutes, and was done. that time i could tell all that he was concerned about was getting his and that was it, because you could tell from the very beginning that he wasnt trying at all, all he was doing was rushing to make himself feel good. but that was the first time, the second time he was better, and i actually got to come too. but that isnt even why i was saying that i wasnt sure what we were like. the reasons are that lately he has gotten it into his head even more that he doesnt want to rent for another year, and that he wants to find something and close and move in before our lease is up. i am talking he is really determined. our lease is up the middle of july. so i guess that we will see what happens.