So Lost.....

i just dont know how to reach kayla. that is how i feel right now. i have been asking her for probably the past two weeks to clean her room, and she was being stubborn and not doing it. so i told her that she wasnt going to anywhere fun or do anything that she wanted to do fun if she didnt do it. she then kept telling me that she didnt care, because its not like i would take her anywhere anyway. so for at least the past week she has been begging me to go to the carnival that they are having at her school today, from 10am-3pm, so i told her starting last night that her room had to be clean for her to go. and she did hardly any of it, which i didnt blame her that much for though because i knew that we were in and out of the house all day yesterday and she also had to go to school too yesterday. so this morning at like 8:40am i think it was, i told her that she had until 11:00am to clean her room, so after 11:00am i came to check on her and see how she had done, and there barely looked like there was any difference at all in her room, and she was busy playing with frankie, so i asked her why she wasnt cleaning and why she was playing, and she said that it was because it was now after 11am and that she wasnt done, so she knew she wasnt going anywhere. so i decided to be nice and extend the time that she had, saying that she now had another 20 minutes to clean her room. i then catch her and frankie eating out tic tacs off the table, which were very clearly not theirs, and they were mike's. so i am sure that he is going to be mad about that, considering that he had just bought them for himself. so i punish them by making them go in the corner, and again tell her that she has 20 minutes to finish cleaning her room. i then see her sitting on the floor of her room playing, and remind her once again tha she only has a little bit of time to get her room clean so that i can still take her to the carnival, and i also have told her before by this point that i really wanted to take her, and want her to have fun, but that she has to have her room clean. she says that she understands, but still isnt cleaning. then to top all of this off, i am in the other room, and i hear really loud banging noises coming from frankie's room. i go and see what is going on, and hear kayla say to frankie look i finally killed it. turns out she was trying to kill a spider that i guess was on frankies wall, and to kill the spider she was throwing shoes and anything else that she could find at the wall. so looking at the wall, there are now black scuffs and big dents and holes in the wall. and there is also writing on his wall, that i know that he couldnt have done, because it is the word "not" actually written on the wall. and i know that frankie cant spell. and to make the things with the wall even worse, we are supposed to be moved into the new place by next saturday. (the townhouse that i wrote about previously that we had really liked and he put the bid on and got the contract on, he closed on the 10th and now it is being worked on having a lot of things done to it, some that need to be done and some that really dont (in my opinion...but that isnt the point right now) what i am trying to say is that with the way that she screwed up the wall even more that is more things that would need to be fixed and cleaned up, before we could even hope to get back our deposit. so basically more work. and with less then a week before we have to move, and with nothing getting done here, like cleaning up or packing, right now everyone is concentrating on the new place. sigh. so that is why i am really upset right now, i am not even really pissed off or mad, i am just really sad and depressed, because i just cant seem to find a way to reach her, and she keeps doing bad things. or not lisitening. i just dont know.

What A Piece Of Crap--Part 2

copied from my space blog.....

To continue the piece of crap saaga with Frankie’s dad---here is part 2

He calls up last night suuposedly to say goodnight to him, doesnt even talk to Frankie yet, without starting b.s. with me. Yelling and screaming at me that he would have to fly down here from new jersey twice (because of the court case), and how is he going to be able to afford that when he doesnt even have a job yet there. How is any of this my problem? With him knowing that he has a court case pending involving his son, why wouldnt he have thought of this before? Because he doesnt think of things ahead of time. And then he tells me that he just might not show up for the things that he has to. Well, that is up to him. If he doesnt want to show up, for something involving him and his son, so be it. And then something I thought was really amusing was his threat with not paying me child support once it was ordered and becoming a deadbeat dad. Even though I didnt say it, which I should have, I just didnt think of it at the time, I already consider him a deadbeat dad. He doesnt give me child support for Frankie, no money to buy anything that Frankie needs, nothing. I dont see a dime from him right now. So what does that make him?

Also on the note of not having his phone number or address of where he is in new jersey, yesterday night he claimed that he had already given it to me, which was incredible to me, because there was no way in hell that he had. So then he starts to argue with me that he had already. Finally maybe he realized that he hadnt given it to me after all, and stops arguing with me, and then he still doesnt give it to me. What the hell? What is his problem? Wouldnt you think that you would give the mother of your child, who takes care of him day after day, at least your phone number so she can contact you in case of an emergency? Nope. Doesnt give it to me. Such a responsible father. I only hope that if he doesnt show up for court when he has to, that the court sees that, and takes that under consideration when it comes to Frankie and his father (regarding custody, child support, etc), and doesnt hold up the court case because of him not showing up too.

What A Piece Of Crap

(copied from my space blog)

most people who know me, know that frankie’s dad is such a worthless piece of garbage that it isnt even funny. but i think that he has sank to a new low. he decided to move to new jersey. he left on the 2nd (wednesday). so he calls frankie before he gets on the plane, and tells frankie that he would call him that night before he goes to sleep. so what happens? of course he doesnt call when frankie is awake to talk to him. frankies bedtime is at 8pm, and his dad didnt call until 9:45pm. and then i had to try to explain to frankie why i couldnt call his dad, which is because i dont have his address or phone number, because he didnt give them to me. so of course he was devasted, and fell asleep crying and sobbing into his pillow. and i couldnt make it better for him. i felt so bad for him, that his dad let him down like that. he did call last night to talk to frankie before he went to bed and wish him good night, but then he got into an argument with me because he didnt have the money that he had promised me for a bill that was due that he had incurred in my name. not a big surprise for me, he is such a piece of garbage. (i am saying this so i dont use any of the other names i would like to call him)



i think that it is so interesting that a man who can be so worthless for everything else, can help produce such a beautiful baby/child. i also think it is interesting that you can love your baby/child so much, and not be able to stand the father. i also think that it is interesting that he has always seemed to be willing to be a part of his life for the fun things like spending time with him and doing things with him, but never to be financially responsible for him.

i am just so thankful right now that frankie has right now two father figures that are willing to step up to the plate, and act as his role models, and then of course he has my father too, who has always been there for him. so i am thankful.