New Years Eve Sucks

I am sitting all alone on new years eve, and it is all my fault. i had a wonderful man in my life who would have done anything for me, and loved me no matter what i did, but i ruined it. and how did i ruin it you might ask? i pushed him away (he claimed) and went away on vacation and then decided not to come back. but yet before he left he swore that he was going to come back and that he loved me, but he never came back to me. sure he had some flaws and some things about him tbat bugged me, but i should have looked past them instead of always getting on him about them. now here i sit alone, living a life that i never wanted for myself, and i feel like it is all my fault. and he sent me yesterday an email and it said how good he was doing, and he asked me what i was going to be doing tonight. i havent answered him yet. what am i supposed to say, that i have no plans or no life and that i miss him horribly? no i am not going to answer until whenever it is that i feel better, because i dont want him to think that he basically dumped me and that i am doing horribly and am incredibly depressed.